Tag Archives: G

Galaxis (1995)

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I consider Brigitte Nielsen to be one of the sexiest women to ever grace the big screen in the eighties. She’s a bomb shell and in her heyday was a pure sexual force that I worshiped in films like “Red Sonja.” I won’t argue that her skills as an actress, but at her prime she was insanely sexy. So with that said, I can’t stress how boring a film has to be for me to doze off during a movie starring Nielsen. “Galaxis” is a bland and soulless science fiction epic that garners all of the tropes of the genre that were tired by the early nineties and are even more worn by 1995. I’m frankly shocked there wasn’t an opening scroll setting the stage for the film like “Star Wars,” but writer Nick Davis thankfully dodges that stale gimmick and jumps right in to a massive conflict we can’t enjoy because it’s not the central focus of the movie.

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The House Where Evil Dwells / Ghost Warrior: Double Feature [Blu-ray]

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Scream Factory offers movie fans a double feature on Blu-Ray with the theme of Asian culture driving the plots for both films. For folks that love Asian films, these two films offer up a helping of Asian genre entertainment with slight twists to them. The first feature is 1982’s “The House Where Evil Dwells,” a supernatural thriller that is basically “Amityville Horror” with a Japanese twist. It’s also just as goofy as the former ghost film. The Fletchers have migrated from the US to Japan in hopes of taking a long needed vacation. Writer Ted is intent on finishing his novel and is anxious to relax. The trio along with Ted’s friend Alex ends up at a small house in the woods of Kyoto where they’re told by Alex’s friend that the house’s rent is cheap due to suspected ghosts.

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The Guardian (1990) [Blu-Ray]

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William Friedkin has a knack for creating genuinely uneasy horror films that destroy the concept of domesticity. “The Guardian” completely turns the idea of parenthood on its head, transforming the suburban family in to a veritable nightmare. “The Guardian” carries on the tradition of a menace from the outside ruining the family unit, this time following mundane couple Phil and Kate Sterling as they greet a new child in to their home. “The Guardian” is directed and staged very much like a nightmare that never ends, even with normal scenes of happiness depicted in a very surreal lens.

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Ghost Warrior (1984)

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It’s mostly known as “Ghost Warrior,” but I think I prefer the alternate title “Swordkill.” While “Ghost Warrior” is given an insightful and meaningful definition during the narrative, “Swordkill” just makes the movie sound cheap and silly. I’d love to know who thought the title “Swordkill” was a proper summary of what is a dramatic fish out of water film. J. Larry Carroll’s “Ghost Warrior” is a surprisingly straight faced tale of a warrior placed out of his time, who finds that living in mid eighties Los Angeles kind of sucks. The movie is admittedly thin on narrative, but works for the most part as a series of unfortunate events Yoshimitsu experiences. Life sure does suck for the master samurai.

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The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987) [Blu-Ray]

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If there is one big flaw that keeps “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” from being either really bad or really good, is that it’s never quite sure what to make of itself. The tonal imbalance and wildly inconsistent mood keeps the movie bipolar and surreal. It’s too gross for kids, and too tame for adults, so it’s right in the middle of nowhere. “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” is based on the wildly popular series of stickers that were direct spoofs of the popular eighties franchise The Cabbage Patch Kids. The series of stickers presented buyers with their own disgusting, offensive, and grotesque versions of Cabbage Patch characters, and for many years they were a staple for folks that appreciated humor with a bad taste.

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Ghost Town (1988) [Blu-Ray]

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Empire and Charles Band always had a knack for creating Westerns, but the type of Westerns that just were not as traditional as you might think. They had every opportunity to deliver us a normal western, and yet they went the odd route delivering creative amalgams like 1994’s “Oblivion,” and mediocre fare like “Ghost Town.” Richard Governor’s “Ghost Town” watches more like an extended episode of a mediocre anthology horror show, and when you get right past the whole supernatural tropes, it’s another ordinary western that we’ve seen a thousand times over. It’s not a gem of the Empire/Band library, but it’s a unique diversion.

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The Green Inferno (2015)

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You’d assume ten years in to one’s career that a filmmaker would begin to mature as a storyteller. But here we are in 2015, and Eli Roth is still telling the same story. A bunch of inept Americans go in to a foreign country and get brutally massacred. It’s the same xenophobic, sophomoric, silly slop that Roth’s been feeding audiences since “Hostel,” and he doesn’t seem intent on changing the formula any time soon. Roth at heart is still a fan boy stealing from his favorite horror movies, while directing tonally uneven and ridiculous schlock with the intent to shock first and foremost. Really, the intent is to shock and nothing else.

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