Hatchet III: Unrated Director's Cut [Blu-ray] (2013)

hatchet3I’ve warmed up to “Hatchet III” a little bit since I originally saw it. Not a whole lot, but just a tiny bit. Mostly because while Adam Green is still better than what this premise entails, he is actually talented when he decides to be. Like Adam Sandler, he can deliver some true greatness, he just indulges his fan base that asks for more lowbrow entertainment that he makes his bread and butter off of. When most of his fans were mocking Green for directing the PG-13 “Spiral,” I don’t blame the man for sticking to the gore soaked “Hatchet” films to keep his (ugh) “Hatchet Army” by his side.

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Return of the Jedi (1983)

Return_of_the_Jedi

While “Return of the Jedi” has its legions of fans, it’s also a film that helps support the idea that third parts of film series are usually terrible. While “Return of the Jedi” is not the worst movie ever made, it’s a flimsy, and pandering final installment to a series that started off quite well. It’s very well documented that by the time “Return of the Jedi” came around, director George Lucas was a millionaire thanks to merchandise, and he used “Return” as a means of selling even more toys. Thus characters come back through contrived manners, villains are offed in the goofiest ways, and Lucas follows up his dark and mature “Empire Strikes Back” in favor of a more watered down film starring knee high teddy bears.

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G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

fkwnl8xIn spite of the heavy criticism it received, I really enjoyed “The Rise of Cobra” as a silly action movie fantasy that tried to have fun with its source material. The twenty six year old me in 2009 really enjoyed the goofy fun that was the first film, but the ten year old me loved every single moment of the cinematic adaptation of the famed toy line. “Retaliation” is still a very flawed film (stop letting RZA act in movies!), but it’s superior to the first installment in every way.

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A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

BhDy5EcI am of the opinion that it would have been an excellent idea to pass the “Die Hard” franchise over from John McClane to his daughter Lucy. That would not only have been a fantastic move for an iconic franchise but breathed fresh air in to a stale movie series. Mary Elizabeth Winstead could have proven herself as an action heroine, the series could have revived the idea that females can lead action movies, and we could have visited a brand new character from the McClane legacy who could have brought a bold new angle to the “Die Hard” series. Sadly, casting females in action movies is still considered bold and new. The producers missed out on a golden opportunity to really change the genre as a whole. Instead we’re given this.

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Puppet Master 4 (1993)

There’s apparently a puppet hell. Or at least a dimension where puppet like creatures exist. And Toulon stole their elixir that grants them life. I would love to have found out what the elixir exactly is. Is it a potion? Is it the secret to immortality? Or is it the blood from the creatures that reside within this dimension? Also, do the monsters from “Mystery Monsters” come from that realm as well? It’d have been cool to link both pictures together as one universe.

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Guyver: Dark Hero (1994)

That’s more like it. After the first “The Guyver” managed to draw up some profit and interest, New Line released a sequel to “The Guyver” directly to VHS. It wasn’t until 1995 where I was finally able to see it on the Science Fiction Channel in American cable television. I wasn’t even aware there was a sequel at the time. For folks who hated the camp and comedy of the first film, prepare for a jolt of pure action packed entertainment.

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Marvel One-Shot: Item 47 (2012)

The Marvel one shot short film “Item 47” is a movie set in the universe of the Avengers, that woks as an epilogue to “The Avengers” and a prologue to “Agents of Shield.” I’m sure this movie was created to test the waters by Marvel for a potential SHIELD TV series, and what with fans demanding more from this scenario, Marvel now has the upcoming SHIELD show to give fans more of the Marvel Live action universe.

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