Watching “Something, Something, Something Darkside” is similar watching another episode of “Family Guy.” It’s boring, tedious and so intent on being funny it feels as if it has to point out almost every single joke it posits. “Ahaha, the giant chicken is Boba Fett!” says Peter. Get it? Because the chicken fights with Peter in these long drawn out unfunny fight scenes meant to kill time and hide the fact the show is short on actual story. “I’d give my right hand for this day to end.” Get it? Because Chris is Luke and Luke gets his right hand cut off by Darth. When Luke is hanging from Cloud City, Leia asks Luke to raise his right hand. Get it? Because Chris is Luke and Luke gets his right hand cut off by Darth. “Turn the Ship Around” is played when Leia asks Lando Calrissian to turn the ship around to save Luke. Get it? Because of the disco song. Does any of the target audience even know what Disco music is?
Tag Archives: Star Wars
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
I was born in 1983, so most of my knowledge about “Star Wars” being something of a magical property at its time was because of my uncle who is a big fan of the series and recalls all the stories about watching the original film and “Empire Strikes Back” in theaters with audiences who managed to garner an amazing experience. These days there is no such thing as a genuinely thrilling experience at movie theaters anymore. “The Empire Strikes Back” is the height of the “Star Wars” trilogy, the movie that told audiences a genuine story and amped up its dramatic tension and suspense considerably by adding more depth to its heroes and even adding much more complexity to its villain Darth Vader by giving him a master to answer to who had large plans for the galaxy under his tyranny. “The Empire Strikes Back” is proof positive that without Lucas’ control, this series was destined to hit major high points that arguably faltered with “Return of the Jedi.”
Dude, We're Re-Writing the Phantom Menace!
So as you all may know, we’re big, big fans of the “Star Wars” series. We’ve seen all the movies, all the re-edits and special editions, we (when we say we we mean me) bought all three covers of the TV Guide special edition celebrating “The Phantom Menace,” we’ve seen the animated series, the other animated series, that other animated series with those dumb teddy bears, the animated series with the gay robots, and the current animated series exploring Anakin’s life before he became all evil and melodramatic. Recently we rewatched the entire series on Spike TV here in America and realized that we didn’t enjoy the prequels as much as we remember. I mean I’m definitely in the minority when I say “Attack of the Clones” was watchable, and “Revenge of the Sith” almost (almost) gets in touch with what “Star Wars” is all about, but I sat watching “The Phantom Menace” and… um… yeah, it’s terrible. Terrible. Awful. I mean I still don’t know what the actual plot for that movie was. Seriously, tell me! I decrypted the plot to “2001: A Space Odyssey” faster than I did for this.
Star Wars Clone Wars (Season 1, Volume 1): A Galaxy Divided (DVD)
Sure its film counterpart got a lot of bad reviews at the movie theaters, but guess what kids. “The Clone Wars” does not suck. In fact as a series is a damn good dramatic science fiction opera that works its way through arcs instead of providing self contained stories, which kids shows usually consist of. “A Galaxy Divided” consists of four episodes of “The Clone Wars” and starts off strong. “Ambush” is a fine beginner to an already strong premise and probably the best of the foursome as Master Yoda takes to aggressive negotiations that bring him and three clone soldiers to the mercy of an endless army of robot drones and the empire’s worst warrior: Asaj Ventress.
Fanboys (2009)
I have never not laughed so much since I saw “Gone Fishin'” and that says a lot. I was dying to see “Fanboys” ever since I met eyes with the theatrical trailer and whether or not it was because of the constant recuts or my sky high anticipation, “Fanboys” suffers from mediocrity. Sure it’s not a bad movie but it’s not a particularly good one because every joke and every single “Star Wars” reference falls like a flat football and falls hard. The war between Trekkies and Warsies, debating on Boba Fett, discussing the connection between Luke and Leia as a romantic couple it’s all here and can I get a giant yawn? Because none of it is ground that hasn’t been treaded by a million fans before and beyond but “Fanboys” attempts to corner the market and use it as a buffer for the comedy that is never really all that funny.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) (DVD)
So it came and went like a bolt of lightning in theaters and the intent for big screen wishes were to give folks a treat on the back story of new Jedi Ahsoka who is recruited and soon becomes a feisty second hand to Anakin during the massive Clone Wars and it’s not that bad a movie. You laugh but it’s true; “The Clone Wars” wasn’t really too bad of a film, we just grew up without the tales now catered to children. This isn’t the first time and sadly this isn’t the last time. The next person who tells me that Lucas raped their childhoods is going to get five fingers on the cheek and a kick in the ass. Because in spite of its inherent flaws and stunning departure from Lucas’s typical storytelling style, it wasn’t as bad as “Phantom Menace” and its television series is also one program you can’t put too much weight on because it carries the mantle well.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
Is “The Clone Wars” as bad as people have said? Yes and no. I had fun, I sat through the animated “Star Wars” entry with a chuckle and a half smile and enjoyed these characters yet again. The animated team manages to comprise a film with animation that’s pretty eye catching if below par what the Lucas team is capable of. But then again, there won’t be much of a difference when the Cartoon Network airs the series in a few months. Top that off with the interesting voice work that I quite enjoyed. You have to appreciate actor Matt Lanter for putting life and energy in to Anakin Skywalker, almost completely making me forget the awful performances by Hayden Christensen. Voice actor James Arnold Taylor reprises his role from the original “Clone Wars” mini-series and does a bang up job reprising the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi and giving us the character’s charms and gravitas in full force.