“The Hottie and the Nottie” is nothing but a big game of “pretend” that director Putnam asks his audience to play along with, but… we can’t. Pretend Paris Hilton is hot, pretend Paris Hilton is one of the most desirable women on the planet, pretend the CGI used to cover Hilton’s fugly features isn’t there, pretend even with an utterly disgusting but sweet woman, that Paris hilton would be the better alternative, pretend this movie is funny, pretend this movie isn’t one of the worst comedies ever made. I can’t even pretend Paris Hilton is good looking, so from the start even with the body doubles (how did she get that ghetto booty?!) and trick camera angles, this “comedy” is a tall order and attack on my senses from the first twenty seconds. Because, a movie where Paris Hilton is a bombshell is less comedy and more Science Fiction.
Author Archives: Felix Vasquez
An American Crime (2007)
Last year I saw the film adaptation of author Jack Ketchum’s novel “The Girl Next Door,” a dramatic thriller based on the infamous case involving a young girl kept prisoner in a basement to be tortured relentlessly by her aunt and cousins. While I absolutely loved the Ketchum film, I was interested to see if it was any better or not as good as “An American Crime,” a festival runner that made considerable waves among audiences, but has yet to be released in America. Determined to seek out most (if not all) of Ellen Page’s prior work, I sought out “An American Crime,” and was surprised to see that it pretty much equaled in quality, and proved how much of a versatile actress Page is and will soon become.
The Dragon Painter (1919)
While I would have loved to adore “The Dragon Painter” and the story that unfolds, I can’t say that I did. For a movie made in 1919, Sessue Hayakawa’s film is a wonderful epic with some rather incredible splashes of stark color and sweeping landscapes. Even for a print that’s aged and was nearly lost the picture transfer for “The Dragon Painter” is awfully fantastic with crystal clarity, and an incredible score. Even those who dislike the movie will find some value in the backdrops and set pieces, including Hayakawa’s eagerness to break all stereotypes of the Asian culture.
Our Top 10 Cinematic Heroes
Last year, AFI posted their acclaimed list “The Greatest Cinematic Heroes and Villains.” Taking great umbrage with their many choices, I decided to sit down and think about it. Who were my Ten Cinematic Heroes? Who were ten people I’d strive to be, or would want to be in a perilous situation? I’m one of those weirdos who really always side with the heroes. Whether it’s an epic science fiction film, or swords and dragon fantasy film, the heroes have always appealed to me. Comics, Video Games, Cartoons, it’s always about the good guys overcoming an obstacle and or villain who wants to take over the world, or just plain ruin their life.
A hero isn’t always made, a hero is often a figure of circumstance, an individual who blossoms from a horrible situation, or someone who just decides they have to do the right thing against everyone else’s frustration. A hero is one who is willing to lay it down and sacrifice just to help someone they love, or possibly someone they’ve never met. They rarely ever get a pat on the back, or a reward, nor is their decision always justified, but they do what’s right, and that’s enough. These are my top 10 Cinematic heroes.
Garto (2007)
Worthy of Pixar, Luis Gomez Guzman’s film “Garto” is such a wonderful bit of simplistic conflict, and minute adventure that it’s hard not to love it thoroughly. “Garto” is a mostly silent short computer animated comedy revolving around a green lizard named Garto who is so bored, he decides riding on the back of a passing oversized Bee will be fun. The problem is that the bee is not letting him grab a ride, and Garto will not relent in his mission for some fun.
Funny Games U.S. (2008)
The entire time I was observing the villains in Haneke’s remake of “Funny Games,” I could only ironically think back to the monologue Tim Roth gave in the opening of “Pulp Fiction.” His story about a man who robbed a bank over the phone by claiming he’d shoot a child, while the bank was never sure if there was ever actually a child was reminiscent of the two young men who could have posed a threat to the couple and their child here. There’s never an actual indication that they’re harmful in the beginning, nor is there an indication of their deadly capability until coerced with difficulty by their victims, there’s only the possibility, and sometimes that’s all people need to incite petrifying fear in a stranger.
Georgia Rule (2007)
My original thought process going in to “Georgia Rule” was to describe it as nothing more than a two hour sitcom worthy of a local family channel. Filled with every cliché in the book from an eccentric small town, an uppity wealthy socialite, and the local town folks who fill her with a sense of worth, this monstrosity is worthy of every bit of criticism that can be thrown at it. But midway it takes such a confusing stern dramatic direction that it’s just incredibly jarring to sit through. How we go from a big fish in small pond comedy to a Lifetime drama of the week is absolutely ridiculous, but lo and behold, director Gary Marshall tries to pass off the sudden change in this tone, and it’s far from anything resembling seamless or subtle.