Author Archives: Felix Vasquez

One Missed Call (2008) (DVD)

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It’s attack of the murderous Razr’s: the remake, in what is easily one of the worst horror movies of 2008, one of the worst movies of 2008, and one of the worst remakes of all time. And that’s not hyperbole, suckers. The remake of the 2003 Takashe Miike horror film stars a veritable cast of B listers dragging us through the doldrums of bland performances, limp tension, and a series of jump scares that go to ridiculous lengths to keep audiences awake; how else to explain a shock from a deafening asthma inhaler, and a falling marionette puppet?

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Serenity: Better Days #2 (of 3)

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13469Yeah, if we’re supposed to enjoy this new miniseries, then I’m begging Dark Horse to stow these horrible covers. Not only are they completely out of character for the series, they’re also drawn terribly, and bear no likenesses to any of the characters. The cover to issue two has Book and Jayne smoking cigars and buddying it up, while Inara is lying there with a hand fan. It’s ugly, the colors are awful, and adds a camp that this show was never big on. It’s all supposed to be attached to form a fold out of the group raking in the money, but it’s just an eye sore. I’d take cheesy stock promotional photos as covers, over these any time of the week.

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Tripping the Rift: The Movie (2008)

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My first experience with “Tripping the Rift” was on the television show “Exposure” on the Science Fiction channel where the series that displayed a variety of independent filmmakers and their short films aired a special “Star Wars” tribute episode. “Tripping the Rift” was one of my favorites of the episode and it powered on to be a cult spin-off that I never sadly watched while it was on the air. “Tripping the Rift: The Movie” is a serviceable pop culture love letter, with not a single hint of originality, but a great energy that makes it worthy of the watch, even for people who have no idea what the plot is. Because, I sure as hell don’t. I know it’s a Canadian cartoon of the Canuck persuasion, and has a really hot computer animated chick in it.

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Antebios (1998)

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When I was a wee lad, all I wanted to do was review movies. And not movies made by people I’ve never heard of, either. No, I just wanted to see what was in theaters, and what Dreamworks and or Paramount had to offer. I wanted to review movies that people knew about in my local theater. And then came “Exposure.” A favorite of mine when the Science Fiction Channel was starting in the US, “Exposure” showed me that indies are always as good and (many times) better than the mainstream. I explored some of the early work from masters like Tim Burton like “Frankenweenie.” For an hour every Sunday, I watched indie shorts, and loved each and every one of them.

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The Ruins (2008)

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the-ruins-pyramidRelying more on psychological terror rather than CGI plant monsters, the reason “The Ruins” will get under the skin of most audiences is because Smith prefers to leave the plant terrors as silent sadistic predators that—well—get under the skin of its victims through cuts, and open wounds. These creatures are merciless in their pursuits to chomp on some thirty something college goers revealing some truly shocking abilities to lure prey, and breaking down the hunted through manipulation and classic torture methods.

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The Walking Dead #48

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People die. A lot of people. People we’ve grown to love, admire, and were just starting to know.
As always with Kirkman, things I expected were dead wrong, and things I didn’t expect occurred. The irony of course is that Woodsbury does indeed seize the prison, but with the first and second fences down. They’re now officially trapped inside, without an escape plan, and little food. With the outside taken over by the zombies, there’s no room for gardens or fresh air, and Kirkman leaves little options for the people led by the madman of the town.

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April Fool's Day (2008)

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It’s all a practical joke in the end. What? You’re mad that I ruined the twist? Too bad. Now let’s cut the crap here, I’m not going to pretend “April Fool’s Day” was a masterpiece of eighties horror cinema, because it wasn’t. It was boring, bland, and had a climax that was as predictable as it could get. It’s called “April Fool’s Day,” the surprise twist is given off the bat. So when news came that it was being remade, I had a general series of reactions. Anger that they’d be remaking another movie, disappointment that they couldn’t improve on the original, and sheer frustration that it had been geared to the “My Super Sweet 16” audiences now focusing on a group of rich kids. Now as much as I love to see Buffy and Muffy heiress get an axe in the head, this new set up is annoying because it’s pointless. “April Fool’s Day” is a blip on the remake radar and for good reason. It’s a low budget redo by terrible directors, and yes, we’re setting down on some rich folkels.

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