Funny thing about bad movies. They can reflect either the utter refusal to be resourceful from a filmmaker, or they can mirror the utter vanity of its makers. Such is the case of “Catwoman” a film touted as a bonafide hit before we saw the true horror. Bad movies with large budgets, and big stars ensuring a hit regardless of pre-conceived notions and even ensuring a good film after the general reservations from looking at the monstrosity that is the Catwoman costume. Films like these, from the standpoint of a movie-goer, and a comic book fan make me blood thirsty, and I revel in bringing out the claws (Pun not intended) and knocking it down a notch. There is NOTHING redeeming about this film, there’s nothing here that I can point out was a mild positive aspect. This is a film that screams sheer vanity from its star and filmmaker, and is truly thirty minutes longer than it has the right to be.
Author Archives: Felix Vasquez
The Stepford Wives (2004)
No seriously, is this a real movie? No seriously. And studios wonder why they’re in a state of decline. Now, I’ve never seen the original “Stepford Wives”, which I recall was more of a grim statement about feminism, but I can easily imagine that it was ten times better than this, as is always the case. So, as if there weren’t enough male bashing in this militant neo-feminist, politically correct age where men are inbred, dumb, fat monsters, and women are smart, beautiful, flawless beings, we get this ridiculous remake. Ridiculous is just me holding my tongue, mind you, because what I really want to call it, would offend even Lenny Bruce. In a nut shell, this is further male bashing about a male bashing society seeking revenge by male bashing those who are tired of being relegated to subservient positions.
Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working With Time (2002)
What Andy Goldsworthy does is pure magic that can be deemed as truly amazing, or just a truly amazing use of proficiency. Goldsworthy masters his craft within an instance going out in to a natural terrain and instantly begins looking for objects to make up his next masterpiece. Goldsworthy takes what he’s given from nature, and in an obviously edited nature begins making a design. Scottish born artist Goldsworthy speaks with a gentle voice very often as all artists do knowing any little tremor will break down the masterpiece, and though he be slightly eccentric, mad, and demanding, he does manage to surprise with visions of nature that really made me gasp and smile with wonder at the beauty presented to us in stark luminous colors and shades.
Vlad (2003)
Imagine “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” mixed with “The Davinci Code”, imagine “Interview with the Vampire” sans the homosexual overtones, imagine “Dracula”, mixed with two Benadryl, a shot of whiskey, and a knock on the head, and you can perfectly sum up what “Vlad” is. This poor man’s “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” that becomes more of a quasi-“The Vlad Code” is a snoozer and a half, as a bunch of people try to dissect the legend of Vlad Tepes, but what sounds like a taut analyses of the legend of a war monger inevitably becomes a murky, utterly mindless, superficial quasi-thriller with people talking a lot and not saying much, characters interacting without chemistry, a lot of discovering Romanian villages without ever involving the audience, and a lot of characters walking around the forest without getting anywhere… and Billy Zane shows up at one point.
The Top Ten Sexiest Actresses Over 35
These days, if you’re over thirty, you’re considered obsolete, but I, I have a real taste for the older women. Since there’s ageism running rampant in Hollywood, I thought instead of just a list of hotties, I’d list the top ten hottest women in Hollywood over thirty-five. Not to single them out as over the hill, but to show that older women are indeed hottest. And, these gorgeous women prove you can have looks and talent at the same time. Funny thing is, which further proves my point, while I had a lot of fun making it, this list was hard to compile. It’s tough finding great actresses whom also look really good that aren’t in their early twenties and thin as a beanpole. Not that these gorgeous women are fat. The criteria for my choosing of these women are their talent overall, their class, and their utter sex appeal which is basically the purpose of this list. And on to the list:
Kung Fu Hustle (2004)
After Stephen Chow’s hilarious “Shaolin Soccer”, he comes back with yet another very funny action-comedy that is part Chuck Jones, part Bruce Lee. The marriage of tense, engrossing martial arts action, and off the wall screwball antics that would make Tex Avery gleam with pride, is a task that wouldn’t be an easy one by any means, but director Stephen Chow balances the two accordingly, and as the climax becomes more action than comedy, there is still a sense of the goofy to it, a goofiness that some will love for its sheer originality, and some won’t for that same fact. Chow manages to create some of the most screwy comedy I’ve seen in a long time, while he manages to spoof much of his influences such as “The Shining” and “Thriller” as do all the directors whom have been impacted by pop culture.
A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)
I’m not sure what warranted the comparison, but “A Tale of Two Sisters” ultimately reminded me very much of “Hide and Seek”, the recent horror dud I had the misfortune of watching. Both films are very much similar in tone, theme, and concept, but make no mistake, they are not the same. In spite of its excellent cover, this isn’t entirely a horror film per se. This is more, in the sense, a supernatural drama that really manages to pinpoint the underlying themes of psychological trauma and childhood pain that, regardless of how much we try, can not ever come to grips with while telling one damn fine story. Such is the situation with this utterly beautiful masterpiece that paints itself as horror, but really ends up becoming an allegory for something completely different.