Category Archives: Bad Movie Monday

Bad Movie Monday: Troll 2 (1990)

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I saw the original Troll many many moons ago, in the mythical faraway fantasy age of the late eighties, and it’s probably my favourite Harry Potter movie of all time. Har-Har. Go to the film’s IMDb page and look up the names of the characters to understand my rapier wit sarcasm. Troll stars Michael Moriarty, Noah Hathaway, Sony Bono, June Lockhart, Julia-Louis Dreyfus, and Phil Fondacaro. A pretty solid cast. It was directed by late great special effects artist John Carl Buechler and was written by the legendary Ed Naha. Google him, you’ll see why I call Naha legendary. The original film even has a kinda sorta naked Elaine Benes in a few scenes. What’s not to like? So today, of course, I’m going to review it’s sequel Troll 2. Sigh.

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Bad Movie Monday: Dune (1984)

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I’m going to teach everyone on the internet how to properly say Denis Villeneuve’s name because most of you in English speaking countries are butchering it so goddamn bad that I feel the need to personally step in and address this incredibly unimportant issue. Probably the worst attempt I’ve heard so far was someone on YouTube calling him Dunneees Villaynueve, which is this weird thing Americans do. If they can’t say a French word or name they’ll just pronounce it with a cartoonishly Spanish accent and hope for the best. Take it from me, someone who is French, you sound ridiculous doing that. Okay, ready for your lesson kids? Take notes. There may be a test. “Denis” is pronounced as if you’re almost saying “The Knee” only with more of a D sound at the beginning. Relatively simple. As for “Villeneuve”, repeat after me: “Ville”, like the word Evil without the E. Pretend you’re Donald Pleasance in Halloween. “Neu”, like the word Nerve without the R. And finally a hard V sound at the end.

The Knee Ville-Neu-V. NOW SAY IT RIGHT! Good job. Now, what the hell was I doing? Oh, yeah… I was going to review David Lynch’s DUNE.

Cue music by Toto.

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Bad Movie Monday: Zardoz (1974)

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John Boorman’s oft-maligned film Zardoz celebrated it’s 50th anniversary on February 6th. Which made me curious to reread what I’d said about it in my review for Cinema-Crazed. I have this terrible memory you see, and I just couldn’t quite remember anything specific that I wrote, but I was absolutely 100% sure I must have written something interesting. So, I began to do a search on the site and, after finding nothing, I double and then triple and then quadruple checked. Nothing. It was then that I realized to my utter dismay and embarrassment that Mr. Dumbass (That’s me!) had never written a review. I had thought about it, bounced ideas in my head, had long debates with myself, but I never actually, you know… WROTE THE GOD DAMN THING. Today, that’s going to change.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: A BOY AND HIS DOG (1975)

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It’s a bit of a misconception about me to say that I hate modern movies and have a particular loathing reserved towards the superhero genre. I do not. Well, not exactly anyway. What has happened is that I’ve grown extremely weary of films that are written in this very mundane “Screenwriting 101” style. Almost every movie made these days is about a hero’s journey or a redemption arc or some sort of variation on a theme outlined in SAVE THE CAT! Which is a book about screenwriting that Hollywood seems to treat like it’s the Holy Bible of Cinema.

This is why I really respect a movie like A BOY AND HIS DOG. If nothing else, it’s definitely not formulaic.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: DEVIL’S EXPRESS (1976)

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My first review of the year is for, appropriately enough, the very first movie that I saw in 2024. New Year’s Day happened to be on a Monday and that’s obviously when BAD MOVIE MONDAY is held. So me and my friends started the year off right. DEVIL’S EXPRESS is a 1976 Horror/Kung Fu/Blaxploitation movie starring the majestically named Warhawk Tanzania, along with Larry Fleischman, Wilfredo Roldan. Stephen DeFazio, Elsie Roman, Moses Lyllia, and Brother Theodore! It was directed by Barry Rosen, and written by Rosen, Nikki Patton, and Pascual Vaquer.

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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT!

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Today on BAD MOVIE MONDAY, Santa Jeremy is going to review one of the most dreaded of all Christmas films. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT! So put on the socks your grandma gave you and hold on tight! This may be a rough ride. Ho-Ho-Ho!!!
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BAD MOVIE MONDAY: THE GREASY STRANGLER (2016)

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Can a movie make a conscious effort to be bad and still have the same mystical magical qualities of an unintentionally bad movie? From my own personal experience, the answer to that question tends to be a loud resounding NO. The Sharknado series is a prime example of this. While the films may have their hearts in the right place, and everyone involved is doing their best, you just can’t fake the true spark of mad stupid inspiration. For example, imagine the difference between someone who’s pretending to trip down the stairs and someone actually tripping down the stairs. It doesn’t look the same. It doesn’t feel the same. It certainly doesn’t elicit the same response from an observer. If that’s too intellectual for you, let me put it another way: Trying to make a bad movie on purpose is like trying to take a crap when you don’t have to go. I mean, you’re gonna get a tiny little bit of shit, but it’s not going to be very impressive.

Which brings us to today’s review. A little movie called THE GREASY STRANGLER.

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