After the (literally) seven minute long opening to “House of the dead”, I was almost sure this would suck as I instantly lost patience with this frenzied film; man, I should learn to listen to my instincts more. I sat in the theatres watching and squirming in my seat because I had to use the bathroom, and had pre-determined I would hold it until the movie ended (not wanting to miss out). After about ten minutes in, to the bathroom I went. What’s sad is that this is not only a bad movie, but a bad zombie movie with a lot of potential to it. With a plot off of “Zombie” and “Resident Evil”, the movie had a lot of chances to become innovative and creative yet Uwe Boll takes no chances and goes by the book.
Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Secretary (2002)
Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) just got out of a mental institution for cutting her self due to stress, and now comes home to even more stress including her overprotective mother (Leslie Anne Warren) and resorts back to her old habits. She soon decides to get a job in typing and instantly becomes skilled, looking for a job. She stumbles upon a small law firm run by a militant E. Edward Grey (James Spader) who is mostly professional and soon develops an odd fascination with her. They soon find they each have a fancy for the sadomasochistic. The aspect that makes this movie so unique is that both characters are so pathetic at times, and somehow become drawn to each other. Grey is a lawyer in a quiet and boring firm who quivers in his office, and Holloway is a nimble and meek girl who tends to hide behind her desk; self inflicted torture is what draws them together emotionally and sexually.
13 Seconds (2003)
There isn’t much original material you can inject into horror movies these days, so when I was sent this film, I was pretty skeptical. Though, reading upon it’s merits and numerous awards, I decided to confront this film with an open-mind. Jeff Thomas’ directing is the highlight of the film, it’s not hard to get past the low-budget and realize the film is very well directed. He manages to set the mood and atmosphere down just right enough to keep the audience in suspense and at the edge of their seat. Often, I was left very tense as the characters found themselves trapped in a dark room and confined to the horrifying grim settings of the mansion.
Real Women Have Curves (2002)
Ana is proud of her body, and she doesn’t hide it; not from her mother not from anyone and struts confidently. What’s so unique about that? She’s a heavy set girl. Often times in Hollywood movies, the main character who is often a girl that is as thin as a stick pretends to look ugly. Not that America Ferrerra is ugly; she’s a very beautiful girl. But, there’s this perception among the masses that a girl has to be thin to be beautiful but what the film says is that you can look any way you choose and still be beautiful. It’s a message injected from writer Josefina Lopez; It’s a positive message, it’s a realistic message, and it’s a message that should be spread to many of today’s young girls. In a world where beautiful means successful, this film is grounded in reality showing that Ana is beautiful and successful just because of who she is.
Christina's House (2001)
A young girl named Christina (the insanely hot Allison Lange) has just moved into her new home with her father and brother and begins to re-adjust to life while their mother remains in an insane asylum. Suddenly, odd things begin to happen: people get killed near the home, half eaten cookies and freshly made sandwiches are discovered lying around the house, and windows and doors lock by themselves while strange notes are found. Christina soon begins to wonder if the incidents are real, or if she’s losing her mind like her mother.
Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002)
In this original animated adventure, we meet Spirit (Voice of Matt Damon), a noble and protective stallion that leads his group of horses along the mid-west. One night, curiosity takes over and he snoops around a confederate army camp. He gets too close for comfort and mistakenly gets caught by soldiers. Now Spirit will go on the journey of a lifetime, discovering the meaning of friendship, loyalty, courage and love. I was really hesitant to watch this movie, because animated movies in the theaters have been in a large slump, especially since watching “Lilo and Stitch” and “The Road to El Dorado”. But all my disillusionment was taken away when I laid my eyes on this. Boy, was I in for something spectacular.
Below (2002)
“Below” has the potential to become a truly incredible and claustrophobic horror flick, but never follows through with one genre focus. Despite being inaccurately profiled as an underwater monster flick, this is not. This is a horror film that has a story and uses it throughout the film most of the time. We get the sense that Twohy wants to push this movie to the limits but eases up in the last minutes and tends to resort to old horror clichés like the complete silence and trash that falls out of a closet, scaring the audience, and the inevitable fright pop-up of a character with a sharp booming soundtrack in the background. Director David Twohy takes this cast of characters and stores them in this small submarine letting them fend for themselves.