Ice Age (2002)

Posted on June 23, 2003 by Felix Vasquez

I was very skeptical about watching this at first. Usually, animated movies rarely ever keep me entertained, but this one certainly surprised me. I was in tears laughing as I watched these great characters go on a wacky mission to take this baby home. The banter between the three is top notch as they all give great dialogue along with excellent character depth. At one point, the threesome must take on a herd of karate fighting Dodo birds as they try to get the baby a melon to eat. In a sequence that had me practically falling to the floor laughing, the movie spoofs sports flicks as Sid must tackle Dodo’s in his path in slow-motion. I don’t want to give a lot away, but suffice to say, I could barely stop laughing.

Continue reading →

Equilibrium (2002)

Posted on June 22, 2003 by Felix Vasquez

If I was to explain this movie to someone in one sentence it would be this: “George Orwell meets John Woo”. I thought about Orwell he’d probably approve of this film. The center for which all the soldiers come from is called “Equilibrium” or balance as it is layman’s terms; they’re all injected with an opium drug that they carry that numbs their emotions and sense of guilt while they’re controlled by the heavily armed heavily secure government facility. Paired with incredible direction and writing by Kurt Wimmer and sleek stylish cinematography by Dion Beebe, we’re given a glimpse into a world that’s still imperfect despite it being under control.

Continue reading →

The Scorpion King (2002)

Posted on June 14, 2003 by Felix Vasquez

Any one who has no knowledge of “The Mummy” series won’t know that this is a spin-off/prequel to the lame sequel which was a tell tale sign that this franchise has already lost steam. In the sequel to the mummy there were bad special-effects, a terrible story and only about five minutes of The Rock. Three of which, had his computer generated head attached to a giant scorpion body that resembled a lobster on a rampage. The reason why people won’t know the significance of this to the mummy movies is that this basically has no connection to the movies whatsoever and tries really hard to be its own. The movie says: before the pyramids were even built the scorpion king reigned. Now here’s where logic enters: there’s a large plot hole in the movie’s storyline that conflicts with “The Mummy’s” storyline.

Continue reading →

Death to Smoochy (2002)

Posted on June 13, 2003 by Felix Vasquez

Boy, they must have offered these stars a lot of money for this tripe, because I can’t conjure up any sensible reason why they’d star in this. We get an all-star cast of Edward Norton, Robin Williams along with Catherine Keener who was so good in “Lovely & Amazing” but completely makes me lose any future interest in her as an actress. The cast stumble around this movie, playing these despicable characters in their sleep.

Continue reading →

Bully (2001)

Posted on June 10, 2003 by Felix Vasquez

Based on a true story, we meet Marty Puccio a troubled guy who is being abused by his friend Bobby Kent until one day his girlfriend Lisa decides to group a bunch of friends to kill him. After his brutal murder paranoia ensues within the group. Over the past few years I’ve noticed a startling resemblance among Clark’s films, so I didn’t expect much of a difference from this and “Kids.” The story plays out as we see the naive and brain dead Marty who only surfs and watches Television is bullied by his malicious best friend Bobby. The characters are fascinating because Bobby is at times very abusive at one point hitting Marty across the face in anger, but when they’re alone he sincerely tells him, “You’re my best friend.”

Continue reading →

Darkness Falls (2003)

Posted on June 10, 2003 by Felix Vasquez

“All this for a fucking tooth.”

In the town of “Darkness Falls” (There’s a name that will attract tourists), a kind old woman named Matilda Dixon used to give coins to children for their baby teeth out of kindness. One day she was caught in a house fire and became badly scarred; so much so she wore a porcelain mask to cover her wounds and hid in the dark due to sensitivity from sunlight. One day two children went missing and the town blamed her, and hung her. Before she died she inflicted a curse on the town until one day the two missing children appeared. The town hid the secret until modern times. We meet Kyle who encountered the demonic tooth fairy when he was a boy barely making it out alive and became institutionalized. Twelve years later, his childhood girlfriend Caitlin (Emma Caulfield) is experiencing an ordeal as her little brother is afraid to sleep claiming the tooth fairy will get him.

Continue reading →

Simone (2002)

Posted on June 10, 2003 by Felix Vasquez

Viktor Taransky (movie legend Al Pacino Dog Day Afternoon, The Godfather) is a movie producer who’s basically fed up with uptight actresses and in an attempt to regain his fame, creates a computer generated actress named Simone (Rachel Roberts). But as she becomes famous worldwide, Viktor begins to wonder if he made her famous or if she made him famous. I really enjoyed Katherine Keener’s role as Taransky’s tough ex-wife who also works with him in the studios; she always manages to pull in some good performances in stinkers and excellent films such as “Lovely & Amazing.”

Continue reading →