Our Top 5 Childhood Animated Crushes

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Valentine’s Day is this Friday, folks. In celebration of the day that reminds a lot of people that they’re single, and forces a lot of people to buy presents for their loved ones out of sheer obligation, we’re featuring five animated characters from our childhood that we crushed on for many years. They stemmed from television, movies, or perhaps video games, and they’re five animated women we were definitely fond of and swooned over for a long time.

What animated characters did you crush hard on? Let us know!

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The PC Thug: You Can’t Keep a Good Zombie Down

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Okay, so I know not everyone enjoyed “Land of the Dead.”

Many people I spoke to during the time of its release seemed to hate it, though I persisted in my thoughts that it would eventually gain appreciation, much like “Day of the Dead” eventually did. I fondly remember many people telling me that “Day of the Dead” was a terrible film back in the early nineties, and now it’s considered a classic. Even director George Romero considers it his favorite.

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The PC Thug: A Little (Final) Rant on “Star Wars”

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Don’t get me wrong, I love Star Wars, I think it’s fun escapism that’s dunderheaded but still massively entertaining, but the prospect of the entire series being continued in such a hectic rush is irritating, if only because it feels like a car wreck waiting to happen. I’m glad Disney bought the rights for the series from Lucas, but we’re not sure what difference it will make yet.

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The Paradox of Cool

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One thing that’s immediately noticeable is that no one says anything is “cool” anymore. I understand that you will hear people say “that’s cool,” which would appear to contradict what I just said in the previous sentence, but you’re paying attention now and that’s good.

Coolness is a complex and elusive concept. People are commonly aware of the designations of “cool” versus “uncool,” but are not always certain how exactly to apply these distinctions. Is Justin Bieber cool? Lots of girls want to bang him; he drives flashy, expensive cars (and gets pulled over for speeding!); he vandalizes public and private property; and he’s overtly disrespectful to authority figures. He meets several qualifications for coolness, but saying Justin Bieber is cool is kind of like saying McDonald’s salads are healthy.

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What It Means to be Incredible

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One thing that’s immediately noticeable is that no one says anything is “cool” anymore. I understand that you will hear people say “that’s cool,” which would appear to contradict what I just said in the previous sentence, but you’re paying attention now and that’s good.

Coolness is a complex and elusive concept. People are commonly aware of the designations of “cool” versus “uncool,” but are not always certain how exactly to apply these distinctions. Is Justin Bieber cool? Lots of girls want to bang him; he drives flashy, expensive cars (and gets pulled over for speeding!); he vandalizes public and private property; and he’s overtly disrespectful to authority figures. He meets several qualifications for coolness, but saying Justin Bieber is cool is kind of like saying McDonald’s salads are healthy.

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On Bullying and the “Epidemic”

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If you think the issue of bullying in America has been widely overblown, then you’ve never been bullied properly. I don’t mean mocked for having weird hair or glasses, I mean viciously bullied. Violently bullied. I spent three years of my life being bullied and humiliated relentlessly to the point where I swore to bring a knife in to my school. More on that later. Not everyone is lucky enough to have parents who’ll talk them down for a few hours. But then often times, kids do have wonderful parents that can’t hope to understand what they’re enduring, and the violence occurs in the same frequency.

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Hooves and Fangs: Investigating Why Some Men Love My Little Pony, but No Men Love Twilight

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The word “brony” has become so loaded over time that it’s hard to use without bringing up unfortunate connotations. I’d like to leave aside the more… colorful aspects of the group and stick with the loosest definition possible: a brony is an adolescent or adult male who watches and enjoys the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. (To answer your inevitable question: Yes, I have watched the show. I do think it is very clever and has a lot of crossover appeal. The quality declines after the first season, but if you can get past your “ew, cooties!” mindset, you might find something you enjoy.) The show is so popular with males that a female fan is almost unusual and strange. When someone brings up MLP, as a citizen of the internet, you just kind of assume it’s a guy. Just as, if someone is fanatical over Loki, it’s reasonable to think they’re probably a girl. It’s an intriguing phenomenon: whereas a girl liking superheroes is unconsciously viewed as “trading up,” a boy liking something meant for girls is automatically viewed as shameful.

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