What with all the documentaries about global warming, the Iraq War, the horrible medical system in the US, the environment, and protests, sometimes we want a documentary that’s compelling and fun at the same time. With documentaries there aren’t many out there that provide both for the American audience. “The King of Kong” is that documentary. It’s escapist without sacrificing brain cells. “The King of Kong” is that movie that places a great deal of importance around something that most of us would deem irrelevant and absurd.
Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005)
Kate Mara is a surefire saving grace for “Bloody Mary” as she turns a potentially annoying and whiny heroine into a sympathetic and highly entertaining central character. She has an innocence and genuine charisma to her that makes this film rise above a typical horror sequel, and I cared about her journey. All the clues and hints to the potential unveiling of Mary’s next targets always worked for me, and Mara really had me right there with her, wondering what surprises were next.
The Return (2006)
Asif Kapadia’s supernatural drama likes to model itself after “The Machinist,” in which our main character has a reality that may not be everything she assumes it is, and is constantly haunted by mysterious figures while always in a dream-like environment where music fades, and space and time are easily bent to every scenario this mystery wants our character Jo to be. “The Return” isn’t the worst movie of 2006 as most others have reported, but is instead a weak and rather dull little drama that really breaks no new ground. Gellar’s performance here ranges from flat out mediocre to as wooden as a stake. Gellar is far from the primary flaw of this picture, as Kapadia can never seem to keep the audience at attention.
5ive Girls (2006)
You just have to appreciate a horror movie that asks you to take it seriously, all the while having an opening theme song of techno pop set to Ron Perlman’s voice quoting bible passages. That’s new. “5ive Girls” is another religious themed supernatural low budget fest that really attempts to think of itself as a sequel of “The Craft.” And trust me if you’ve seen the aforementioned title, then you really have no obligation to see this. Alex just moved into town with her father, and is forced to attend a local reformatory that takes in wayward girls. Alex, of course, possesses telekinesis, and is really disobedient and sure enough, she finds friends in the individuals reform school girls who all discover they serve a higher purpose. They are apparently the Supernatural friends, five girls who possess unique abilities, including Alex who is pretty much Carrie White but hotter. Fans of “Charmed” and the Fairuza Balk vehicle will definitely find interest in this thriller, as it basically really takes a great premise and does nothing really exciting with it.
Sonoda’s “5ive Girls” isn’t an awful movie by any standards, but the attempts at murk and atmosphere pretty much sap every bit of energy and pacing from the story and performances. There are your usual clichés including a sympathetic priest, a monstrous head mistress, lesbian subtext, the usual arguments between the female students, and the constant flashing of the pentagram. “5ive Girls” is such a run of the mill supernatural film that the concept never really garnered any interest my way. The characters are all so interchangeable and forgettable. One can walk through walls, one can heal through touch and yet I really couldn’t point out which girl had which power if you asked me to. The sad fact is that the film really sells itself as a hip Gothic parade of black magic and evil and yet has the lagging pace of “Whispering Corridors.”
Sonoda’s direction really doesn’t add much to the lagging proceedings in the end, and in spite of all the attempts to spin the formula, this story has been done and much better. In a reform school of apparently only five girls, they do nothing but yap back and forth with no real substance or interesting exchanges, and the visions continue just to remind us that we’re watching a horror film. We already know who the demonic entity challenging them is, and we’re well aware that the girl power message will strive to defeat the demon in the end; “5ive Girls” holds no surprises, and is just flat out dull. Sonoda’s supernatural horror flick would be a lot of fun if it wasn’t so boring, rehashed, and cliché. “5ive Girls” has a great concept to it, with some good names behind it, but it just fails to muster anything memorable or entertaining from the groundwork it lays down before us.
Save the Cat! Goes to the Movies [Paperback]
What’s a MITH? Not a myth, you moron, a MITH.
Well, that’s something you’ll have to find out for yourself. I had to after reading “Save the Cat! Goes to the Movies” and I wasn’t sure I’d get anything out of it.
I mean on the cover it seems cutesy, but the introduction almost suggests it’s going to tell us something we already know. Does it? Well, upon reading the first chapter, I found I couldn’t stop reading, and that’s because Blake Snyder does tell us stuff we already know, but then… he surprises you too.
Headless Horseman (2007)
I didn’t expect “Headless Horseman” to live up to these standards, because it’s clearly a low budget horror effort, but hell, when you spin on the Sleepy Hollow tale, you have some responsibility to entertain. And if you fail, you’re going to fall hard. “Headless Horseman” is that exact movie that takes a classic tale and turns it into much more clichés. There’s a bunch of white bread actors playing college students who are on the road traveling to a party. I think. Their van breaks down, and they end up in an old Southern town where old characters mutter chestnuts like “Y’all just passing through, huh?” Director Ferrante really twists the story for the sake of avoiding anachronisms and error in facts, especially insisting that the character of the headless horseman really didn’t strike in New England, but the Southern town they happen upon.
Abominable (2006)
Schifrin’s horror thriller is set up with so much obligatory plot devices, and potential victims of our vicious abominable snowman, and yet, I really liked it a lot in the end. “Abominable” has that same old “Rear Window” device borrowing heavily from the formula as Matt McCoy plays Preston, a crippled man healing from a horrible accident who returns to his mountain home to grieve over his wife. Things have changed around his neck of the woods, as a vicious monster is roaming the wilderness killing animals, and Preston really can’t do much of anything in a wheelchair.