5ive Girls (2006)

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You just have to appreciate a horror movie that asks you to take it seriously, all the while having an opening theme song of techno pop set to Ron Perlman’s voice quoting bible passages. That’s new. “5ive Girls” is another religious themed supernatural low budget fest that really attempts to think of itself as a sequel of “The Craft.” And trust me if you’ve seen the aforementioned title, then you really have no obligation to see this. Alex just moved into town with her father, and is forced to attend a local reformatory that takes in wayward girls. Alex, of course, possesses telekinesis, and is really disobedient and sure enough, she finds friends in the individuals reform school girls who all discover they serve a higher purpose. They are apparently the Supernatural friends, five girls who possess unique abilities, including Alex who is pretty much Carrie White but hotter. Fans of “Charmed” and the Fairuza Balk vehicle will definitely find interest in this thriller, as it basically really takes a great premise and does nothing really exciting with it.

Sonoda’s “5ive Girls” isn’t an awful movie by any standards, but the attempts at murk and atmosphere pretty much sap every bit of energy and pacing from the story and performances. There are your usual clichés including a sympathetic priest, a monstrous head mistress, lesbian subtext, the usual arguments between the female students, and the constant flashing of the pentagram. “5ive Girls” is such a run of the mill supernatural film that the concept never really garnered any interest my way. The characters are all so interchangeable and forgettable. One can walk through walls, one can heal through touch and yet I really couldn’t point out which girl had which power if you asked me to. The sad fact is that the film really sells itself as a hip Gothic parade of black magic and evil and yet has the lagging pace of “Whispering Corridors.”

Sonoda’s direction really doesn’t add much to the lagging proceedings in the end, and in spite of all the attempts to spin the formula, this story has been done and much better. In a reform school of apparently only five girls, they do nothing but yap back and forth with no real substance or interesting exchanges, and the visions continue just to remind us that we’re watching a horror film. We already know who the demonic entity challenging them is, and we’re well aware that the girl power message will strive to defeat the demon in the end; “5ive Girls” holds no surprises, and is just flat out dull. Sonoda’s supernatural horror flick would be a lot of fun if it wasn’t so boring, rehashed, and cliché. “5ive Girls” has a great concept to it, with some good names behind it, but it just fails to muster anything memorable or entertaining from the groundwork it lays down before us.

Save the Cat! Goes to the Movies [Paperback]

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9781932907353_p0_v1_s260x420What’s a MITH? Not a myth, you moron, a MITH.

Well, that’s something you’ll have to find out for yourself. I had to after reading “Save the Cat! Goes to the Movies” and I wasn’t sure I’d get anything out of it.

I mean on the cover it seems cutesy, but the introduction almost suggests it’s going to tell us something we already know. Does it? Well, upon reading the first chapter, I found I couldn’t stop reading, and that’s because Blake Snyder does tell us stuff we already know, but then… he surprises you too.

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Headless Horseman (2007)

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Headless-Horseman-(2007)I didn’t expect “Headless Horseman” to live up to these standards, because it’s clearly a low budget horror effort, but hell, when you spin on the Sleepy Hollow tale, you have some responsibility to entertain. And if you fail, you’re going to fall hard. “Headless Horseman” is that exact movie that takes a classic tale and turns it into much more clichés. There’s a bunch of white bread actors playing college students who are on the road traveling to a party. I think. Their van breaks down, and they end up in an old Southern town where old characters mutter chestnuts like “Y’all just passing through, huh?” Director Ferrante really twists the story for the sake of avoiding anachronisms and error in facts, especially insisting that the character of the headless horseman really didn’t strike in New England, but the Southern town they happen upon.

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Abominable (2006)

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Schifrin’s horror thriller is set up with so much obligatory plot devices, and potential victims of our vicious abominable snowman, and yet, I really liked it a lot in the end. “Abominable” has that same old “Rear Window” device borrowing heavily from the formula as Matt McCoy plays Preston, a crippled man healing from a horrible accident who returns to his mountain home to grieve over his wife. Things have changed around his neck of the woods, as a vicious monster is roaming the wilderness killing animals, and Preston really can’t do much of anything in a wheelchair.

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Hostel: Part II (2007) (Unrated Director's Cut) (DVD)

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51lQuOKmcpLWhen “Hostel Part II” failed to burst from the starting gates at the box office, there was many an interesting developments. The torture fad had officially drawn to a close with “entertainment insiders” lamenting the death of said fad that polluted theaters, horror geeks worried about the fate of hardcore gore filled horror films, and Eli Roth pretty much blamed everyone but himself. He blamed the bootleggers, he blamed critics, he blamed the studio, and hell, he warned of the death of R rated horror if his film did poorly. To date, two R rated horror films have been hits in the box office. The explanation toward the lethargic pacing of “Hostel Part II” at the box office can be summed up in a short sense. It was merely a retread of the first.

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The Jazz Singer (1927) (Three-Disc Deluxe Edition) (DVD)

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I always manage to garner negative reactions from fellow movie geeks who find my sheer stern love for film rather irritating. I’m told to lighten up, I’m told that I take this stuff too seriously, and that movies are just entertainment; “They’re just movies! They’re there to entertain above everything else! Don’t be so critical!” The reason why I hold movies to such a high regard with a strong importance is because movies are a powerful form of art and expression, and images in film can hold a great deal of power that can affect everyone from casual observers to the deepest of film buffs. If it were the contrary, Warner Bros. would have included the most famous image of “The Jazz Singer” on the box of this new deluxe edition, rather than opting for an image of Jolson’s shadow in a beaming spotlight.

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The Ant Bully (2006)

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When we experience misery in our own lives, we look for ways to vent our frustration. When we’re bullied, many of us in anger tend to bully as well, only on smaller individuals than us. “The Ant Bully” is yet another “What they do when we’re not looking” animated film that revolves around yet another microcosm with species learning to survive in our mass consuming intrusive world. Films like the hilarious “Over the Hedge” and the groan inducing “Barnyard” as well as a slew of others dare to demonstrate such a concept.

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