The death kiss of the “American Pie” franchise continues, as Rodman Flender’s comedy asks us to pontificate the notion of one of the guys from “Teen Wolf” actually growing up to be married. And what if this guy didn’t tell his wife that he was a werewolf by nature, or super nature? Sure, this is really just a ninety minute sitcom in reality that uses a small horror device that doesn’t even place it within the horror fold, but it does indeed rip off “Teen Wolf” considerably. This could very well have been a sequel that occurs ten years later if they pushed for theatrical distribution hard enough.
Bloodsucking Cinema
There are three reasons for “Bloodsucking Cinema” premiering on Starz! as part of the Fearfest Month. One: there’s the premiere of David Slade’s “30 Days of Night” which is, coincidentally centered around blood thirsty vampires in a terrain where night lasts for a full month. Two: Starz! is ringing in the holiday again with this great two hour documentary, and three: vampires are just flat out fantastic pieces of lore and the occult. Ever since I was a child from Bela Lugosi to Christopher Lee, vampires have been one of my primary focuses of the horror genre. They’re the easiest monster to create for the screen, and they’re the most prevalent, and that’s because there’s still so much to do with the vampire mythology.
Evil Little Bastards
Untalented hacks as Eli Roth and Larry Clarke may be, they caught on to one thing. Kids are evil little bastards, and left to their own devices and influenced by a cruel world, they get worse and worse and will do awful things to one another and to innocent victims as an old fashioned cynic who rather despises ankle biting snot nosed little punks, “Evil Little Bastards” comes to you near this Halloween season to explore and expose our favorite in little kids who are pure utter monsters. Though we excluded a few notable examples, this is our chronological cinematic favorites of monstrous little children who are merciless, murderous, and collectively harmful to the nearest adult.
Cover your Achilles tendons, arm yourselves, and glance at the Evil Little Bastards.
Poltergeist (25th Anniversary Edition) (1982) (DVD)
Who directed this movie? Was it control freak egomaniac Steven Spielberg (Still my hero, Stevie!), or poor sap semi-talent Tobe Hooper? The debate continues, and I could care less. For me, “Poltergeist” is still one of my favorite horror flicks of all time, and it’s a wonderful combination of both directors’ styles. For the Spielberg nuts, there’s wonder and magic and epic nightmarish fantasy, and for the Hooper fans, there’s the horror, the terror, the frantic energy in the climax, and that great scene of the face being torn from its bone in the mirror. This is a wonderful demented bastard child from two great directors, and “Poltergeist” is simply still a great piece of filmmaking.
Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) (DVD)
What would have been my idea of a great Twilight Zone movie? How about grabbing excellent writers and telling your own stories with twists and commentary. Instead, what we received were remakes of the best episodes of the series regurgitated in to mediocre installments with semi-horror bookends that seemed awfully shoe horned into the script. That’s not what I would have preferred as someone who absolutely loves the series with all his heart. And it’s simply not in keeping with Serling’s brilliant storytelling that’s painfully missed during the run time.
Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)
I just wasn’t a fan of “House on Haunted Hill.” William Castle’s utter masterpiece was turned into a Nine Inch Nails video with rapid fire editing, goofy atmosphere, CGI overload, and terrible acting even from Geoffrey Rush. “Return to House on Haunted Hill” was something I really wanted to give a chance. Thankfully, this is not a sequel in name only. This new installment takes place shortly after the ending of the first film where Sara’s (Ali Larter) sister Ariel discovers she’s killed herself after a mental breakdown, and learns of the house where Stephen Price held his party and allegedly went on a murder spree. Cue plot catalyst. Ariel discovers by a professor that there’s an ancient statue of a satanic cult somewhere in the hill house and he wants it. Lo and behold we have a rival group of relic hunters who also want it and will kill anyone for it.
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Hell, I liked “Wrong Turn.” It was, by my book, an underrated and sadly obscure little horror flick that really deserved to be looked at from a different perspective. Yes, I bitch about movies being recycled, and cliché, and awfully rehashed, but when it’s done with enough entertainment value as “Wrong Turn” was, I can be forgiving. “Wrong Turn” has been done before and better, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a blast. Suffice it to say, I was excited for “Dead End.” Would it be a direct take off from the original, or would it be a name only sequel? Is “Dead End” the original title before Lion’s Gate slapped on “Wrong Turn 2”? That was the only horrific element of this viewing experience: the anticipation and the guessing. The only truly good thing to look forward to was the presence of Henry Rollins.