Top Five Childhood Celebrity Crushes

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Another Valentine’s Day dawns upon us single folk, reminding us that we don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars on dates or obligatory gifts just to appease our significant others as Valentine’s Day demands we express our love to someone or else we’re cold heartless monsters. As we prepare for another holiday involving cheap chocolate and greeting cards with hollow sentiment, I fondly recall five of the biggest Celebrity crushes of my childhood in the 1990’s and how they affected me big time.

Some of the crushes I outgrew, and some I just plain stopped liking altogether. In either case, my unrequited love for these celebrities inspire fond memories of a more innocent time during adolescence.

Who were some of your biggest celebrity crushes? Let Me Know in the Comments!

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Night of the Slasher (2015)

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Director Shant Hamassian’s short horror film is a rather excellent meta-tale that takes the classic horror slasher movie tropes and places them in to a new light. What if you could control the idea of the slasher coming to your door attacking with you a set of rules a la “Scream”? That’s the case for a young beautiful girl who is home alone at night. When we first see her, she’s this insanely sexy girl dancing in her lacy skivvies, but upon fully glancing at her person are a witness to the stitched wound she wears on her throat. The scar and silence says all, as she was clearly the victim of a vicious attack by a killer meant to end her life, but somehow survived.

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The Woods (2014)

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Director Remington Smith’s “The Woods” is quite an accomplishment, mainly because it’s a film set in the middle of a snowy tundra implementing zero special effects. The centerpiece of “The Woods” is our character’s surroundings and how she has to adapt to the snowy wasteland of the woods. Apparently Smith and cinematographer Joshua Yates used mostly natural lighting for their film, resulting in a masterfully eerie and haunting short film set during a fight for survival. There’s so much conveyed in “The Woods” and yet there isn’t single word of dialogue spoken.

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Southbound (2016)

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I am loving the resurgence of the horror anthology and how horror filmmakers are playing with the format. “Southbound” is very much a new horror anthology that holds no title cards or segues, but instead features five stories that intersect in some way or another. It’s almost like “Pulp Fiction,” but just not as brilliant. in fact, in the end, it’s really a mixed bag of horror tales that are held up by a genuine sense of terror and unease that seeps through the film from beginning to the end. Even when I wasn’t completely invested in a tale, I appreciated the unnerving aesthetic set amid the endless and desolate back roads of America.

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Galaxis (1995)

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I consider Brigitte Nielsen to be one of the sexiest women to ever grace the big screen in the eighties. She’s a bomb shell and in her heyday was a pure sexual force that I worshiped in films like “Red Sonja.” I won’t argue that her skills as an actress, but at her prime she was insanely sexy. So with that said, I can’t stress how boring a film has to be for me to doze off during a movie starring Nielsen. “Galaxis” is a bland and soulless science fiction epic that garners all of the tropes of the genre that were tired by the early nineties and are even more worn by 1995. I’m frankly shocked there wasn’t an opening scroll setting the stage for the film like “Star Wars,” but writer Nick Davis thankfully dodges that stale gimmick and jumps right in to a massive conflict we can’t enjoy because it’s not the central focus of the movie.

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Superhero Movie (2008)

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“Superhero Movie” is a comedy that’s remained off the radar for a long time since its release, and that’s a good thing. As a comedy it’s a pretty solid spoof of the “Spider-Man” movies, mocking the inherent silliness and idiocy of the Sam Raimi movies. And ironically enough it manages to be a much more creative and coherent superhero picture than “Spider-Man 3” ever hoped to be. I don’t disagree that the movie is a mixed bag of humor that tackles the superhero movie craze, as well as old hat superhero tropes, but it’s succeeds as an entertaining novelty and a respectable guilty pleasure.

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You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost): A Memoir [Kindle]

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I’ve made it no secret about loving Felicia Day in the past. And I’m more than proud admitting that I’d give away my entire Superman comic book collection for a date with Felicia Day (Sorry, Kal El, Amazonians before Kryptonians), so buying a memoir about Felicia Day’s life, and rise to fame was an easy sell for yours truly. Felicia Day, for the uninitiated is a very prominent character actress and web celebrity who has appeared in shows like “Supernatural” and “Eureka” and gained acclaim in the early aughts for her web show “The Guild,” one of the earliest web shows to every premiere online. Since then she’s been a consummate web celebrity and red haired geek Goddess, and she finally lets fans see a new side of her beyond the cameras, and convention booths. After consuming every page of “You’re Never Weird…,” I admire Ms. Day so much more now than ever.

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