Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (2010)

Comic book geeks like yours truly are at a definite cross roads. Marvel continues to churn out animated series and live action movies like it’s going out of style yet their animated movie gallery has been severely hit or miss, while DC has only released big films from Batman and Superman and yet their animated movie gallery has promised quality almost all the time. I’m just curious when we can get a movie from them that’s longer than eighties minutes. That aside “Crisis on Two Earths” is another graphic novel that I haven’t read and thankfully I went in blind. I consider that an advantage because in the end it allows me to judge the material more objectively.

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Planet Hulk (2010)

I, for one, have never been much of a fan of the Hulk. Even when I was highly invested in Marvel Comics collecting them and rushing to newsstands every week with sheer excitement I always opted for something other than the green behemoth. Hell, I chose to buy Darkhawk and Super Pro over an Incredible Hulk comic. Apparently I’m in the minority again because Marvel seems to love the big guy. Ever since his introduction the Hulk has been included in practically every animated series, animated movie, live action movie, and comic series in some form. He’s even guest starred on series’ centered on the X-Men and Fantastic Four and somehow always manages to steal the spotlight. So it’s no surprise the Hulk is given yet another chance at the center stage with “Planet Hulk.” I never read the graphic novel, but as always Marvel squeezes in the entirety of the tale in to a movie that barely makes it past eighty minutes.

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Massacrator (2010)

Massacrator-07-PunchWatching “Massacrator” is frantic, jarring and violent, and in the end you feel very violated. I had every reason to love Pierre Ayote’s ode to Grindhouse silliness but instead I just couldn’t jibe with what was happening on-screen. Being a simultaneous ode to everything from Grindhouse to science fiction we meet Massacrator, a borg sent in to the present (or future?) to… kill a girl, I think. After decapitating a few poor suckers, he makes his way to a young woman who manages to get away just in time to avoid his super punch.

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Dude, We're Re-Writing the Phantom Menace!

So as you all may know, we’re big, big fans of the “Star Wars” series. We’ve seen all the movies, all the re-edits and special editions, we (when we say we we mean me) bought all three covers of the TV Guide special edition celebrating “The Phantom Menace,” we’ve seen the animated series, the other animated series, that other animated series with those dumb teddy bears, the animated series with the gay robots, and the current animated series exploring Anakin’s life before he became all evil and melodramatic. Recently we rewatched the entire series on Spike TV here in America and realized that we didn’t enjoy the prequels as much as we remember. I mean I’m definitely in the minority when I say “Attack of the Clones” was watchable, and “Revenge of the Sith” almost (almost) gets in touch with what “Star Wars” is all about, but I sat watching “The Phantom Menace” and… um… yeah, it’s terrible. Terrible. Awful. I mean I still don’t know what the actual plot for that movie was. Seriously, tell me! I decrypted the plot to “2001: A Space Odyssey” faster than I did for this.

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The Final Destination (2009) (DVD)

Yep this is it, the Final Destination, the alleged final installment in the “Final Destination” franchise that promises to close up the entire storyline. And yes, I’m not buying it either. When there is money to be made, sequels are still a potential cash cow and I think the series will continue to live on when the studios decide it’s time to make some money off of this carnival of cruel and painful deaths. What “The Final Destination” promises is not what it delivers. There are simply no questions answered to the big questions. Who are chosen to receive these premonitions? Are these people just random or do they possess unusual powers or gifts? Are they apart of a legacy or do they just happen to be apart of an accident or misfire? Who or what grants them these premonitions? Does death give it to them as some sort of sick game? And if there is some mystical being granting these people the gift to foretell the next move of death why do they want these people to be one step ahead of death?

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Cinema Crazed's Worst 10 of 2009

10. Pontypool
I’m one of those people who very much looked forward to “Pontypool,” and am not ashamed to admit that I was utterly disappointed with this production. It was dull as day old bread, lacked in sheer suspense and tension and sadly didn’t quite creep me out as much as its double “Dead Air” did. Not quite a zombie movie, people like to brand it as such and there aren’t even many zombies that pop up. What we get in the end is a practice in a cinematic dry humping that promises frights and never actually delivers. Seek out “Dead Air” for a nearly identical premise that works much better.

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Inglourious Basterds (2009)

inglourious_basterds_ver9Tarantino is often touted as a filmic sensation, a director who understands film and the art of storytelling and despite the backlash he gets from some, the man simply knows how to tell a damn story. In a world where blockbusters and animated films shake us down for cash in exchange for a movie that only acts as an amusement park ride (experienced now, easily forgotten later), Tarantino opts instead to give us bang for our buck with films that surpass their genres and provide us with the old fashioned art of storytelling. With his flair for dialogue and his mastery of the film camera, Tarantino is always performing at his best regardless of his film’s quality (erm–“Death Proof”) and “Inglourious Basterds” is one of his best works yet.

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