Duma (2005)

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“Duma” is basically the sort of film children can watch without damaging messages, and I’m all for that. These days it’s impossible to find watchable children’s films, but “Duma” treats its audience with consideration presenting heroes that are relatable, and an animal character that’s never goofy. “Duma” is an epic story about a father and son whom discover a baby Cheetah on the side of the road one night in their homeland. They take the baby back home with them and decide to raise it until its old enough to go on its own. But when young Xan’s father dies (Campbell Scott), Xan is forced to move back to the city with his mother along with Duma who can not adapt to his urban settings.

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Spartan (2004)

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Leave it up to David Mamet to write and direct what a true spy film should be and has to be. What starts off as a full procedural evolves in to a film in the spirit of “Three Days in the Condor”. As per usual Mamet, his film rapidly evolves from scene to scene, and what I thought would be a cold procedural film that would usually be a stupid show on CBS, quickly evolved into a very well characterized thriller. And films with Val Kilmer have, of late, left me skittish to enter it, but Kilmer really leads a truly well drawn thriller that I had fun with.

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Christmas with the Kranks (2004)

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I used to say that I’ve yet to see a film with Tim Allen that I found to be really bad. And somehow he rises to the occasion and stars in this. I should have kept my creed to myself. I got a big mouth. Either way, if you haven’t caught on by now, “Christmas with the Kranks” is yet another really shitty “holiday” film that’s a mere vehicle that delights in being idiotic, moronic, and shamelessly flaunts its inherent lapses in logic peppered throughout the story.

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Team America: World Police (2004)

team-america-world-police-1168-16x9-largeTrey Parker and Matt Stone once explained in an episode of Charlie Rose that they’d never reveal their religious or political affiliations, because they didn’t want to alienate their audience. But “Team America” is an indictment of literally every issue under the sun, from Hollywood, to the government, to Bruckheimer films, right down to crappy shows like RENT. “Team America” is at its best though when it spoofs not only Bruckheimer’s insanely over the top films, but when it spoofs blind patriotism.

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It Waits (2005)

ItWaits3If you can believe Cerina Vincent is a park ranger, then the writers have won half the battle. Vincent plays the busty park ranger Danielle ala Russ Meyer, who is a whiney emo alcoholic mourning the loss of her friend, and seems like a well enough heroine forced to fight off a monster. Sure, she’s about as far-fetched as a park ranger as Denise Richards was a rocket scientist, but in the end I was willing to ignore the lapses in logic, and power on through. Cerina Vincent is gorgeous in a film that allows her to flaunt her curves while also playing the strong heroine battling a ferocious enigmatic beast from beyond. The concept for “It Waits” is simple. Busty park ranger fights monster in forest with her pet parrot. That’s the best way I can describe “It Waits” in one sentence.

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My Date with Drew (2004)

dqEzoOXZp9AqwkLoTGvdaLu1p5xThe creator of this odd film that wants to be considered a documentary (fat chance) is an idiot. Hey, I’m sure he’s a great guy, and I’m sure he’s a kind person, and a good friend, but I’ve known good people who are idiots, and director Herzlinger is an idiot. He’s poor, he doesn’t have a job, and he’s just recently won 1,100 dollars from a game show. Instead of turn that in to something of a worthy venture, or investment, he blows it. And he’s a struggling filmmaker. What a convenient turn of events. “My Date with Drew” is a movie that you’d probably see played on television back to back with “The Surreal Life” because every single aspect of it is staged, corny, and pathetic like a typical reality show that you’d see on network television.

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Herbie Fully Loaded (2005)

Herbie_Fully_LoadedAfter a montage of earlier “Herbie” films, we continue with the “extreme” semi-remake quasi-sequel to “Herbie The Love Bug” called “Herbie: Fully Loaded”. Do people still race with Buggies? Who cares, but you just know Lindsay Lohan must have owed something to Disney to have to do this film. It’s not like Lohan’s “career” has been all about quality films, mind you, but this film has “Contract fulfillment” written all over it. Granted, it’s not one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, not even one of the worst I’ve seen in a while, but it’s pretty damn lame, even for a kids film.

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