X-Men 3: The Last Stand (2006)

Posted on May 31, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

My antipathy and scathing skepticism at the fact that FOX would hire hack Brett Ratner to direct one of my favorite comic book franchises of all time hasn’t exactly been a secret for all this time. I hated the fact that Ratner was given resources to potentially destroy my beloved storyline, and I was not looking forward to this. Even with the fact that Ellen Page was cast, I didn’t find anything worth being impressed about with Ratner’s alterations of the series I loved. “X-Men: The Last Stand” is supposedly the “last” film in the X-Men franchise; of course all the fans know its complete bullshit. “The Last Stand” is the final film in the “X-Men” franchise like “The Final Chapter” was in the “Friday the 13th” franchise.

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Over the Hedge (2006)

Posted on May 28, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

Little known fact for you which is sure to make you popular at parties: Before I knew this was based on an online comic, I thought this was a remake of “Pom Poko”. You can see my confusion with these stories if you knew film. “Pom Poko” is basically an Asian animated film about a group of animals living among a wilderness who discover that the nature they love is being devoured by houses, cities, and human residents. So, now you’re a better person for knowing that useless trivia. Moving on, I expected nothing from “Over the Hedge” and basically I received more than nothing. I received much of something that came from nothing… what was I talking about?

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Duma (2005)

Posted on May 27, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

“Duma” is basically the sort of film children can watch without damaging messages, and I’m all for that. These days it’s impossible to find watchable children’s films, but “Duma” treats its audience with consideration presenting heroes that are relatable, and an animal character that’s never goofy. “Duma” is an epic story about a father and son whom discover a baby Cheetah on the side of the road one night in their homeland. They take the baby back home with them and decide to raise it until its old enough to go on its own. But when young Xan’s father dies (Campbell Scott), Xan is forced to move back to the city with his mother along with Duma who can not adapt to his urban settings.

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Spartan (2004)

Posted on May 22, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

Leave it up to David Mamet to write and direct what a true spy film should be and has to be. What starts off as a full procedural evolves in to a film in the spirit of “Three Days in the Condor”. As per usual Mamet, his film rapidly evolves from scene to scene, and what I thought would be a cold procedural film that would usually be a stupid show on CBS, quickly evolved into a very well characterized thriller. And films with Val Kilmer have, of late, left me skittish to enter it, but Kilmer really leads a truly well drawn thriller that I had fun with.

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Christmas with the Kranks (2004)

Posted on May 11, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

I used to say that I’ve yet to see a film with Tim Allen that I found to be really bad. And somehow he rises to the occasion and stars in this. I should have kept my creed to myself. I got a big mouth. Either way, if you haven’t caught on by now, “Christmas with the Kranks” is yet another really shitty “holiday” film that’s a mere vehicle that delights in being idiotic, moronic, and shamelessly flaunts its inherent lapses in logic peppered throughout the story.

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Team America: World Police (2004)

Posted on May 8, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

Trey Parker and Matt Stone once explained in an episode of Charlie Rose that they’d never reveal their religious or political affiliations, because they didn’t want to alienate their audience. But “Team America” is an indictment of literally every issue under the sun, from Hollywood, to the government, to Bruckheimer films, right down to crappy shows like RENT. “Team America” is at its best though when it spoofs not only Bruckheimer’s insanely over the top films, but when it spoofs blind patriotism.

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It Waits (2005)

Posted on April 29, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

If you can believe Cerina Vincent is a park ranger, then the writers have won half the battle. Vincent plays the busty park ranger Danielle ala Russ Meyer, who is a whiney emo alcoholic mourning the loss of her friend, and seems like a well enough heroine forced to fight off a monster. Sure, she’s about as far-fetched as a park ranger as Denise Richards was a rocket scientist, but in the end I was willing to ignore the lapses in logic, and power on through. Cerina Vincent is gorgeous in a film that allows her to flaunt her curves while also playing the strong heroine battling a ferocious enigmatic beast from beyond. The concept for “It Waits” is simple. Busty park ranger fights monster in forest with her pet parrot. That’s the best way I can describe “It Waits” in one sentence.

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