This is like the action masterpiece “The Rock”, except for the fact that “The Rock” was original, and this is just as awful as anything I’ve ever seen. After being busted in a car theft ring, two gangster friends Nick (rapper Ja Rule) and Sasha (Steven Seagal) are jailed in New Alcatraz prison where mercenaries break in and storm the prison to hold a prisoner ransom who knows the location of a secret stash of over two hundred million dollars in gold. Now they must team up with other prisoners and beat the mercenaries before they kill everyone. I got the sense this is supposed to be a futuristic film, but there’s never truly verification. The prison is re-opened due to overcrowding and it’s supposedly advanced but shockingly stone age. The prison is supposed to be state of the art and advanced but there’s a shockingly low head count when it comes to prisoners (I counted twenty-five).
Tag Archives: Adventure
Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams (2002)
After a raid by armed soldiers during a party with the world’s top agents and their kids, Juni Cortez (Daryl Sabara), the youngest of the Cortez spy family is accused of stealing the high powered super weapon The Transmooker Device. Now Carmen (Alexa Vega) and Juni Cortez must travel to the island of lost dreams and face off against monsters, soldiers, and rival agents Girti (Emily Osment) and Gary Giggles and find the real transmooker device before the evil Donnagon (Mike Judge) gets a hold of it and prove Juni’s innocence. But their parents and meddlesome grandparents are on the hunt for the kids before they’re killed. I tend to easily grow tired of family movies if they’re either too hokey or corny; most of the time, they’re both.
Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002)
In this original animated adventure, we meet Spirit (Voice of Matt Damon), a noble and protective stallion that leads his group of horses along the mid-west. One night, curiosity takes over and he snoops around a confederate army camp. He gets too close for comfort and mistakenly gets caught by soldiers. Now Spirit will go on the journey of a lifetime, discovering the meaning of friendship, loyalty, courage and love. I was really hesitant to watch this movie, because animated movies in the theaters have been in a large slump, especially since watching “Lilo and Stitch” and “The Road to El Dorado”. But all my disillusionment was taken away when I laid my eyes on this. Boy, was I in for something spectacular.
The Powerpuff Girls Movie (2002)
Based on the hit animated action cartoon from The Cartoon Network in America, Professor Utonium is the focus of this feature as we delve into his life and learn how he created the disc-eyed crime-fighting tots Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. Along with their origin finally being told, we also learn how they accepted their superpowers and learned how to use them for good. Alongside the Girls, an evil is looming in the darkness, an evil mastermind genius chimp named Mojo Jojo, who uses the girls’ naiveté for his evil master plan.
Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
Michael J. Fox voices the character of Milo Thatch, an archaeologist who in his field is considered to be eccentric by his colleagues. Milo believes that the lost city of Atlantis is under water and he wants to retrieve the Shepard’s Journal, a book that proves to be a map to finding Atlantis. No one wants to provide the funding for his proposed expedition, until one night he’s taken to an eccentric old millionaire who wants to help him. He gives Milo the Shepard’s journal and tells him that his grandfather once wanted to explore Atlantis. So, Milo is then taken to a shipyard where he meets a team of explorers who are going along with him. All seems well, but after a while, Milo begins to suspect they have ulterior motives.
The Master of Disguise (2002)
Despite being panned by critics and landing at number — on IMDB’s worst 250 movies of all time, this is not awful. Considering all the horrible teen sex romps, this is a tolerable movie. Dana Carvey tries his hardest at forming these near flawless impressions of Al Pacino from “Scarface”, and (my favorite) Robert Shaw from “Jaws”.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002)
Out of all the bad teen sex campus romps, to the classics, this has to be the worst most putrid piece of trash I’ve ever seen. This poor excuse for a comedy features the same old tired clichés we’ve seen from other sex romps except everything falls flat here. After about ten minutes into the film, I could tell the writers were scratching the bottom of the barrel with basically nothing to write in to the story. They even begin resorting to desperate measures by showing a butt shot of Merriman. Then there’s this far-fetched storyline that goes nowhere. How is it he’s able to rent a hall and hire his own employees? How is it he’s able to drive a personalized golf cart around campus when other people are walking? How is it he’s able to walk in and out of classes without the teacher’s complaining?