Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

big-troubleJohn Carpenter takes Clint Eastwood from “Any Which Way But Loose” and drops him smack dab in to the middle of a chopsocky film. The results are not only ingenious, but entertaining, funny, and the movie many movie geeks adore known as “Big Trouble in Little China.” One of the many fish out of water films about inadvertent heroes stumbling in to an extraordinary situation, Carpenter turns to his veteran collaborator Kurt Russell to lead the charge. Even for a film made in 1986, “Big Trouble” is such a resonant and inherently clever film that it’s barely shown its age at all.

Director Carpenter inherently avoids any and all clues that we’re in the middle of the eighties, and brings us in to a time where we’re shifting in between a seventies trucker era, and mystical China. Kurt Russell has a blast the infinitely charming and dashing All American hero Jack Burton. He’s a drifter and lone wolf who happens to find a purpose in the middle of his humdrum life with his big rigs. When his best friend’s wife is kidnapped by a local Chinese gang for the intent of being sold to sex slavery, Jack and friend Wang intend to come to her rescue. In the midst of their mission, they find themselves in a tug of war between two Chinese gangs that have been battling for decades.

“Big Trouble” is never content with just being an action film, and reaches in to the depths of fantasy to deliver one hell of a surreal picture. Carpenter introduces the three magical warriors known as “The Three Storms,” all of whom are servants of the dreaded sorcerer Lo Pan, an evil snake of a man who wields his magic with long sharp nails and a Charlie Chan mustache. With the sacrifice of a beautiful green eyed girl, Lo Pan plans to break an ancient curse and make Wang’s hostage wife his new mate. Russell approaches the role in his usual charisma and charm, as a man who seems awestruck by the world he’s in, even when he’s in extreme danger.

But while Russell takes center stage, he’s more a spectator while director Carpenter allows the seasoned cast of Asian actors to stage the battle of good and evil, and the fight for the souls of their women. James Hong is fantastic as Lo Pan and Disappears in to the serpentine make up, while Dennis Dun and Victor Wong offer stand out performances as the heroic men who battle Lo Pan and his monsters. Much of the special effects still hold up well, since they’re not the primary focus of the film. Much of “Big Trouble” gives way to wonderful martial arts scenes and great choreography, paired with the sensibility of a classic movie serial that never takes itself seriously. “Big Trouble” is one of the many daring and wonky Carpenter films, and one of his few dark comedies that will provide action fans a good laugh, and fun action sequences alike.

It’s a shame we never saw a sequel with the continuing adventures of Jack Burton, but “Big Trouble” works as a stand alone classic that features John Carpenter at his best.

Blood of 1,000 Virgins (2013)

Fine, Nikki Leigh. I’ll marry you. You don’t have to seduce me with your eyes. Surely, no one can replace Mistress Elvira, but Full Moon Grindhouse puts up a good argument for it, by bringing along Playboy Playmate Nikki Leigh to host their newest compilation. Now available for fans of Grindhouse and exploitation cinema, “Blood of 1,000 Virgins” is a fun and hilarious trailer compilation of some of the most iconic and dumbest films ever made. And they’re all about virgins, losing your virginity, and rape.

Continue reading

Barbarella (1968)

Jane Fonda is at her sheer sexiest starring in this psychedelic science fiction flick based on the comic book, as Barbarella an astronaut from Earth who is sent to Sogo to look for the missing scientist Durand Durand. From the opening scenes where Barbarella is floating undressing from her space suit during craftily placed title sequences, you know you’re in for something out of this world. Let the innuendos and softcore porn fly! Watch Jane Fonda flirt, watch Jane Fonda strip, watch Jane Fonda be raped by a music machine as Durand Durand strums it along.

Continue reading

LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite [Blu-ray] (2013)

For fans tired of the R rated animated Batman films, DC and Warner team up with Lego (who takes a break from the awful “Ninjago” series) to deliver a G rated Batman adventure the entire family can enjoy! Based on the hit video game, Lego pays homage to many of the Batman tropes with a fun crossing of superheroes and supervillains for the fate of Gotham and the world. Lex Luthor and the Joker team up to take down Batman and Superman, when a robbery at a local awards dinner goes awry for the Joker and his team of super villains. Lex takes the opportunity to join forces with the evil Clown, as Batman learns the meaning of team work through his young ward, Robin, who encourages the Dark Knight to call for back up at every opportunity. Batman, of course, shies away from any and all help, even when in danger.

Continue reading

Beautiful Creatures (2013) [Blu-ray/DVD/Ultraviolet Combo]

When I was finished with “Beautiful Creatures” I was surprised to learn that it wasn’t that bad of a movie. Surely, it takes a while to start up, and the mythos behind the Caster family is somewhat hard to follow, but once you manage to catch up, “Beautiful Creatures” manages to be an entertaining fantasy romance. Normally I detest fantasy films aimed at the only the female crowds, but “Beautiful Creatures” could be for everyone. It has some interesting performances, a great storyline, and some truly creative special effects I had a blast with. There’s even a scene involving two casters doing battle as an entire dining room spins like a top. It’s damn fun, if you’re in the right mindset for this big screen adaptation.

Continue reading

Big Bang Theory: A XXX Parody (2010)

aMG91IEIf you want to revel in the sexuality of “Big Bang Theory” and want to avoid all of the stuff like plot and comedy, “Big Bang Theory: A XXX Parody” really will do the trick. Fans of the series will especially enjoy how the parody skirts copyright infringement by copying every set piece from the show. Sans the comic book and science fiction paraphernalia. So uber-Sheldon doesn’t wear superhero shirts, so much as he wears shirts that kind of look like they could be superhero emblems.

Continue reading

Bikini Round-Up (2005)

ACIcBPgAs softcore schlock goes, director Fred Olen Ray’s wild west romp is only sub-par, and not as entertaining as his previous bikini films. I mean how do you film a girl on girl on girl scene without even showing any of them chewing on rug? Hell, in one moment Beverly Lynne and Nicole Sheridan literally begin fighting over Belinda Gavin’s betweens, but we never actually see any of the good stuff. But I digress. While “Bikini Round Up” is just sub-par, what I really enjoy about the movie is that everything, from top to bottom is implied.

Continue reading