“Battledogs,”is a film that demonstrates the fine art of retooling a movie and having a good time doing it. In this instance, Writer Phillip Van Dyke retreads 2008’s “The Incredible Hulk” but tailors it more for werewolves. Every plot device and moment in the film is shamelessly derived from the 2008 action film. Hell, there’s even a moment where one of the infected humans is kicked out of a helicopter in mid-air and sent crashing in to the Earth as it transforms in to the rabid werewolf.
What is Uwe Boll’s obsession with the holocaust? First he sets this new “Bloodrayne” snore fest in the holocaust and has the gall to try for his own Holocaust documentary. This from the man who created “Blubberella.” In any consolation Natassia Malthe is still very sexy as Rayne and has the same charisma as the former Rayne Kristanna Loken, never missing a beat. Rayne still looks like a hardcore cosplayer lost in a time warp, though. So in the midst of soldiers and World War II, she looks incredibly out of place. Where does she get all of that leather?
So you can’t call her babe. That’s where she draws the line. She responds violently to those who call her babe. But… what about boobs? Jugs? Mammary Madam? Chesty? How about Baby? It’s kind of like Babe, but not really. It’s a shame because the original comic book from Dark Horse called “Barb Wire” sounds like it could be a fun action film. A busty blond heroine addicted to adrenaline who fights crime from the heart of her night club could be a great film overall. Instead, the producers cast a popular model turned actress in the guise of Pamela Anderson, spend most of the film focusing on her enhanced bust to compensate for her sheer lack of acting ability, and basically just remake “Casablanca” and call it a day.
What “Bully” sets out to do is show that bullying as a whole and as a concept is not something that’s going to go away very easily. And any time soon. Many critics regarded this film as a failure for not giving us sources to help fight bullying. But “Bully” really isn’t about being a resource for folks to help the cause against bullying. What the film is intent on accomplishing is showing America, and the world, that bullying is a very real and very damaging problem, and will affect everyone involved within its horrible circle. It’s up to audiences to get up and look for ways to snuff out the epidemic bullying in classes and in schools before we have to read about yet another group of children massacring a high school of innocent victims because they weren’t being heard or helped.
Detective Dale Andriotti: Maybe when this is over, we can go out for dinner.
Dr. Gamble Pace: Okay, but I warn you right now… I have a tortured history with men.
Six minutes in, Dr. Gamble Pace as played by Teresa Farley escorts a police officer in to a young victim’s room in a hospital. The hospital room has only one small IV, no medical equipment, and the IV doesn’t seem to be hooked in to anything in particular. Obviously not holding to the discretion rules, Dr. Pace, dressed in average clothing and an awkward medical robe explains in a stilted and painfully performed monologue what the young girl experienced when attacked by a mysterious monster. While the girl is half awake an inch away. That’s about the time I thought: “Oh crap, this is going to be painful.”
If anything, what makes “The Babymakers” such a tolerable bad movie is that Olivia Munn is gorgeous. Granted, she’s yet another “I’m hot but I’m edgy and funny, too!” actress in Hollywood, but in “The Babymakers” she mostly plays it straight. Munn is a beautiful and often sexy woman who glows in this film, and she serves her purpose as the woman character Tommy Mackland is desperate to please. Hey, if I were married to character Audrey, I’d be dipping my testicles on a pot of stew, too. Munn is mainly a straight man for the comedy, who spends most of the movie longing for a baby of her own, and tries to remain faithful to Tommy, who is a well meaning and mild mannered man with a lot to offer. Sure, he’s another comedy loser, but he has a good job, and a lot of courage when it comes to standing his ground. He’s a man you can respect, and somewhat pity. Because I guess pity is funny and respect is not.
Here in New York City, there’s been a tradition for almost thirty years that the local television station channel 11 also known as WPIX airs a yearly broadcast of Laurel and Hardy’s “March of the Wooden Soldiers.” Though it’s mostly known as “Babes in Toyland,” ever since I was a young child, I’ve identified it by “March of the Wooden Soldiers.” For some odd reason it’s just been a tradition to view it every year on Thanksgiving, and it just seems to pair up with the holiday season so well. There are appearances from every fairy tale character imaginable from the three little pigs, to the three blind mice, along with an appearance from Mickey Mouse, The incomparable duo of Dum and Dee even work at Santa’s shop creating toys for him for the Christmas rush.