“Shit, now where am I going to brings girls to fuck?” asks Randall upon witnessing the video store in flames. Gee, how utterly hip, edgy, and hard rock of him to say. Oh Smith, “How doth thou sucketh”, said the lord. Hey, I enjoyed the “Clerks” animated series, but alas that’s as far as my love goes for the “Clerks” franchise extends. The first one was an entertaining albeit mediocre comedy and then movie fans proceeded, and continue to give Smith a continuous hand job in terms of his career that has continued well into his thirties, and “Clerks II” is a listless sequel with the usual cast appearances and pop culture gags that drop like a deflated balloon.
Tag Archives: C
The Coatroom (2005)
I swear, if I wasn’t aware this was an independent film from someone else, I’d insist until my face turned blue that this was directed by Terry Zwigoff. Take the demented attitude of Zwigoff, the situations of “Clerks”, and the awkward realism of “The Office” and you’ll pretty much have “The Coatroom”. Gilbert’s film is an entertaining absurdist existential comedy about a group of people, working in an awful job, contemplating life and their dead end careers in art.
Christmas with the Kranks (2004)
I used to say that I’ve yet to see a film with Tim Allen that I found to be really bad. And somehow he rises to the occasion and stars in this. I should have kept my creed to myself. I got a big mouth. Either way, if you haven’t caught on by now, “Christmas with the Kranks” is yet another really shitty “holiday” film that’s a mere vehicle that delights in being idiotic, moronic, and shamelessly flaunts its inherent lapses in logic peppered throughout the story.
The Cooler (2003)
Ultimately, I love the underdog story, I love to see the little guy accomplish and conquer their goals and beat the odds, and “The Cooler” is the ultimate under dog story. William H. Macy, an actor who I always enjoy watching plays Bernie Lootz an always down on his luck sad sack who works everyday as a “Cooler” in the Las Vegas casinos under Shelly Kaplow’s dollar. His bad luck is a surefire repellent for winning and though he hates the job, he does it because he’s good at it. That is until he meets Natalie, a waitress at the casino. The two begin to hit it off and quickly his luck begins improving, and money begins getting lost.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (2005)
“Narnia” is less a religious film, and more an exploration in to reluctant heroes fighting for good. I mean, let’s face it here, people, if not for the prior success of the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy and the quickly sputtering “Harry Potter” franchise, we wouldn’t have this Narnia here with us. I mean was there a real point in making this film other than cashing in on this classic novel series? Based on C.S. Lewis’ classic novel series, the first of many involves four children escaping the Nazi regime and hiding out in their uncle’s mansion. While playing hide and seek one day, the youngest, Lucy wanders off in to the wardrobe. She wanders, and wanders, and enters a land called Narnia, and thus the adventure begins for these four reluctant heroes.
The Constant Gardener (2005)
With amazing cinematography, and brutal tension “The Constant Gardener” is a gorgeous and heartbreaking murder mystery involving Feinne’s character Dr. Justin Quayle whose wife Tessa dies in Africa. He travels to Africa to identify her body and then is intent on discovering he murderer after he discovers it was foul play. Much like an array of films that were released in 2005, “The Constant Gardener” pushes its message that is still resonant in American society both about the corruption in the medical and pharmaceutical industry, and our lack of support with Africa and their AIDS pandemic.
The Cave (2005)
Apparently, the hype from “The Cave” and the proceeding negative reviews for it really were up to par with what the film had to offer. As always, in spite of bad reviews, I put up hope that “The Cave” would turn out to be a fun, exciting, tense film, but I was proven wrong again. And let me tell you, after “The Descent” this is nothing but child’s play, a recreation in spite of coming out almost at the same time as Marshall’s horror fest.




