Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

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It’s rare that a film targeted toward the Christmas holiday can manage to not only capture the magic of the holiday spirit and its intent, but the beauty of the human spirit. George Seaton’s iconic “Miracle on 34th Street” isn’t just about Christmas and the spirit of the yearly event, but the kindness of the human soul and the remarkable things we’re capable of when our hearts are in the right place. It’s interesting to note that though “Miracle on 34th Street” lives on as a family film and a holiday movie, George Seaton’s picture stands on its own as a raucous comedy, and one that will draw laughs thanks to some great slapstick and hilarious one-liners that still manage to hit their marks.

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Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)

Ghost-Rider_SoVIf this sequel had any balls, they’d take the reins of Johnny Blaze and hand the character over to someone talented like Idris Elba. At least then there’d be an interesting angle to this wretched sequel to a painfully mediocre movie that barely anyone remembers. Nicolas Cage once again proves he has no business being in film, reclaiming the role of Johnny Blaze, the balding mid-fifties biker who was cursed as Ghost Rider after making a deal with the devil. In case you didn’t know that, there’s five minutes of bad exposition along with Cage narration explaining the entire mythology of the Rider and what he does in particular, cue terrible animation. Most of the time during the opening animation, Cage sounds like even he doesn’t take this garbage seriously, and spend most of it making light of what is supposed to be a terrifying and mystifying character in the comic book universe.

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The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String (2003)

gstringsI still don’t quite understand the appeal of Seduction Cinema. Hell, even I find the movies they release to be entertaining and appealing. The women are hot, sure, but this is the age of the internet where pictures and videos of hot women are at your finger tips in seconds. And surely there are more hardcore films out there with hotter women. Surely, it can’t be the sex scenes since all of the sequences involve light kissing and mild petting. Watching a movie from Seduction Cinema is akin to getting your crotch rubbed over thick pants.

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Hitchcock (2012)

Director Sacha Gervasi’s treatment of the life of Hitchcock is very much in the tone of Tim Burton’s “Ed Wood.” I gather there will be numerous comparisons and parallels drawn, as this new look at Hitchcock’s career is very much like Burton’s own tribute to Ed Wood. There’s the breaking of the fourth wall, the satirical look at filmmaking, the focus on the madman behind the director, the glimpses at studio politics, and ultimately the way women affected these two famous directors. This time around Alfred Hitchcock is worn by Anthony Hopkins who doesn’t quite convince as the rotund director, but has a ball as the perpetually repressed and lovelorn creative genius who expressed his inner most desires and fears through his own creative work. For Hitchcock aficionados, “Hitchcock” doesn’t quite inform you of facts about the man’s life that you haven’t already seen or read before.

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The American Scream (2012)

The common Christian stereotype is that Halloween is almost always celebrated by Pagans and Satanists, as well as people with a demented sense of reality. What the director of “The American Scream” Michael Stephenson accomplishes, is destroying such an antiquated cliche and explores a world of folks who adore Halloween and are just working class individuals looking for an escape from their lives. “The American Scream” has an undercurrent of sadness to it where the happiness and smiles are really seeking to cover the heart ache and desperation behind the subjects who treat Halloween like an event every single year. I’m proud to be one of those people who anticipate the month of October right around the beginning of August, and these folks featured aren’t so different.

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Help for the Holidays (2012)

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It’s Summer Glau as the cutest elf ever created. As her future husband and father of her children, I have to support my gal. It’s only logical.

You say delusional, I say hopeful. I guess other people star in this movie, too, but Summer Glau stars as optimistic elf Christine, one of Santa’s most important elves who dreams of another world where Christmas isn’t the focus of every day. Christine gets her wish when Santa gets an alert that there’s a family that has lost their Christmas spirit and is in need of some fun and love. Christine is sent as an agent in to a small town to help mom Sara VanCamp (Eva LaRue), a local store owner, re-claim her spirit and discover how much she’s missing of her children. Christine’s journey is of course the one that matters in the film, as she figures out the real world is much more difficult than she ever realized and every choice she makes with the new assignment has their consequence.

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Prehysteria! (1993)

515Hey, during the big dinosaur craze of the nineties, owning your own dinosaur was something almost every kid dreamt of. Owning your own miniature dinosaurs was just the icing on the cake that Charles Band and Full Moon pinpointed with accuracy. Sure “Prehysteria!” is one of almost two dozen films in the Full Moon library about miniatures of some kind, but “Prehysteria!” succeeds in being a novel family film. Granted, it’s cheesy as all hell, but in the context of the nineties, it gives kids their ideal fantasy: Owning and befriending their own pet dinosaurs. Dinosaurs with their own sweet personalities, to boot!

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