Tag Archives: Crime

Dallas Buyers Club (2013)

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What’s most striking about director Jean-Marc Vallée’s “Dallas Buyer’s Club” is the way AIDS is depicted. From the moment Ron Woodroff is told he has terminal AIDS and thirty days left to wrap up his affairs, his life is literally running down on a timer, and he’s literally scrambling back and forth for a way to preserve it. And what begins as a means of self-preservation transforms in to a very eye opening exploration of the world and how AIDS is a very unbiased disease that isn’t restricted to the homosexual community that it’s been used to demonize for many years.

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Pumpkinhead (1988)

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“Pumpkinhead” is one of the many horror movies from the eighties that is unparalleled. It’s a movie series that opens with a bang and continues on with many inferior sequels. Alas, “Pumpkinhead” remains a single entry horror revenge thriller, depending on how you prefer to look at the storyline. That said, “Pumpkinhead” is a fine and atmospheric yet flawed revenge thriller that features some pretty incredible special effects by the late great Stan Winston, who also directs. And how can you not like Lance Henriksen?

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The Substitute (1996)

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Robert Mandel’s action thriller is one part “Rambo,” one part “Blackboard Jungle,” and one part “Lethal Weapon” that really never quite comes together in to anything impressive. When the dust has settled it’s merely a mediocre shoot em up with a gimmick that director Mandel only rolls with until mid-way in to the narrative. “The Substitute” really only presses the idea of a mercenary posing as a substitute teacher until it runs out of steam. Then it becomes a monotonous movie about mercenaries battling a drug cartel.

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Double Dragon (1994)

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I don’t know how the hell you screw up “Double Dragon.” It’s a beat em up video game set in the future where two warriors Jimmy and Billy (or Bimmy if you’ve played the video game) have to save their girlfriend from a humongous crime syndicate. There could have been so much to go on with this concept, and it might have made for a wicked great apocalyptic action film. Instead, much like “Mortal Kombat,” it’s neutered for kids, and sucked of all of its originality. Even at eleven years old I knew “Double Dragon” sucked. And I liked everything, back then. Even the Marvel Comics mini-series had more of a toothy, edgy vision of the video games than this movie did.

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Hercules in New York (1970)

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I’d be willing to bet that even the most hardcore Arnold Schwarzenneger (billed as Arnold Strong) fan will tap out after thirty minutes of “Hercules in New York.” It’s a brutally awful attempt to cash in on the Hercules logo, while also failing to turn Schwarzenneger in to a star. It also doesn’t help that whether it’s Arnold with an English dub, or Arnold in his original voice, “Hercules in New York” is impossible to sit through. It’s almost kind of fun to see Arnold try to enunciate English, though, as he plays Hercules, a young demi-God who lives in paradise with women at his feet, and is still bored.

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Mercenaries (2014)

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You have to give it to the Asylum. Not only did they beat the studios to the punch on the female “Expendables” movie, but they cast actual brawlers for the roles of their titular Mercenaries. While Hollywood may be going for wafer thin women on their own version, “Mercenaries” brings aboard a lot of the obvious suspects of what a female “Expendables” movie should rightfully be composed of. Cynthia Rothrock is the leader, and the heroes of the film are Zoë Bell, Vivica A. Fox, Nicole Bilderback, and Kristanna Loken, while Brigitte Nielsen pulls up the rear as the film’s villainess. It’s a very impressive line up for a movie with seemingly half the budget of “The Expendables.”

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Tekken 2: Kazuya’s Revenge (2014)

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Good news, everyone! We got a “Tekken” sequel! We didn’t ask for one, and it’s likely a lot of people forgot there was a live action movie, in the first place, but we got a “Tekken” sequel, anyway. This isn’t so much a sequel, though, as it is the production company taking all the left over parts and producing a follow up with almost no plot, or characterization. Not that the “Tekken” games had much of the former, anyway. But fans of “Tekken” (all five of them) will be annoyed to see that Jin is nowhere to be seen, Heihachi is only a small player in the narrative, and now series antagonist Kazuya is the main hero of the sequel. Hey, no one’s paying attention, so why be loyal to the games?

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