The Ten Worst Movies Ever Aired on TNT's Monstervision

“Monstervision” ran for five years here in the US on the TNT cable station late on Saturdays and Fridays. Often times you could find it at midnight, but often it would be on late in the night thanks to whatever sports game or special TNT decided to air that night. Joe Bob Briggs is one of the last gasps of great cable television where he migrated from The Movie Channel to TNT to hose “Monstervision” for many years. During that time, he hosted many movies of the cult variety, and some mainstream stuff, mostly due to TNT’s demands. Though the show was called “Monstervision” Briggs was pretty much obligated to air movies like “Love Potion No. 9,” and “Twins” while Briggs was able to mostly air his kind of movies like “Shaft,” “From Beyond,” and “The Return of the Living Dead.” Throughout the span of the series, Monstervision aired some truly terrible movies that could only be appreciated with commercial breaks for the sake of the audiences sanity. And Briggs’. These are ten of the worst movies ever aired on Monstervision.

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Girls and Corpses: Volume #7 [Magazine]

gandc-springThe girl can’t help it. “Girls and Corpses” celebrates their Spring volume by bringing aboard their own bonafide spring hotty, Courtney Stodden. Whether or not you’re a fan, there’s no denying the news savvy highly publicized Stodden is insanely hot, and “Girls and Corpses” takes advantage of her photo shoot, making sure to show off how Stodden manages to keep every page of her photo spread burning to the touch.

There’s even a delectable fold out poster for folks who want to appreciate Stodden every single day of the year. Stodden is definitely a model for the horror magazine that will keep readers turning back to her spread again, and again, and she takes full zeal in her new cover shoot by posing with her very own corpse groom. One very lucky corpse groom.

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Zombieland: The Series

KRYnaQJ“Zombieland” seeks to be the antidote for folks still clamoring for a zombie television series, but hate the drama and politics of “The Walking Dead.” Where as Robert Kirkman’s pop culture smash is more of an adult take, “Zombieland” takes all of the best road trip movies and adds some zombies for good measure. Folks claiming this is an attempt to market off of “The Walking Dead” are half right. Originally “Zombieland” was pitched to every studio as a weekly series, but when it was turned down left and right, it was transformed in to a horror comedy feature film that would hopefully transform in to a movie series. When Woody Harrelson pulled out of ever playing hero Tallahassee again while stars Emma Watson and Jessie Eisenberg’s careers took off, the hopes of having a “Zombieland” movie series collapses.

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D.N.A (1997)

It’s pretty funny that “DNA” manages to be a total rip off of “Predator.” Because once you get a full glimpse at the alien monster in this 1997 Mark Dacascos vehicle, you realize that the alien in the film looks exactly like the early concepts for the monster in “Predator.” Anyone who knows movies, knows that the early designs for the monster in “Predator” featured a long necked more primal beast with a beak like mouth later changed in to a dreadlocked crab like hunter. The beast in “DNA” looks similar to the aforementioned monster from early drafts of “Predator,” except this time he’s tangling with Mark Dacascos and his boss long hair. “DNA” is not the worst “Predator” wannabe I’ve ever seen, it’s just incredibly silly. Especially when the first half is pretty much a riff on “African Queen” that then turns in to “Predator” once we learn of the evil plans bad guy Jurgen Prochnow has in store.

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Nothing Men (Digital)

In the interest of full disclosure, I am a long time friend with author Doug Brunell, but this review is as objective and fair as possible.

Reading “Nothing Men” is a lot like the beginning of a rollercoaster, where you’re riding up further and further and building up to momentum. You’re sitting waiting thinking “Here it comes, here it comes,” and when the rush finally does come, author Doug Brunell delivers on a final half that soaked with blood, guts, and an ending that will likely make you re-think travelling to small towns ever again. “Nothing Men” made me think about the like of Herschell Gordon Lewis, Tobe Hooper, and prompted flashbacks of films like “The Wicker Man” and “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”

No matter how far you run, you’re never really quite out of the grasp of the environment and its deadly residents that dwell in its bowels, and that sends a surge of dread and a bleak atmosphere in “Nothing Men” that’s wrenching. Especially in its final pages. Author Brunell simply doesn’t let his characters off the hook, and punishes just about everyone in the book. It’s almost like a splatter version of “Funny Games” at times. Partly they pay for playing god, and partly for their hubris in the situation. Hubris is the ultimate undoing for just about everyone in the book, and Brunell unfolds layers of Valley Bottom slowly with every chapter.

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Three on a Meathook: Interview with Author Doug Brunell

I was first introduced to Doug Brunell back in 2004, when I discovered his column “Excess Hollywood” at Film Threat. His column was often so addictive and volatile I spent a few days reading the entire archive. When I joined Film Threat in 2005, I made a point of befriending Doug, because he’s simply one of my favorite online writers and I had to pick his brain and learn from him. Since then, Doug has been a consistent source of creative inspiration, an all around nice guy, and someone who isn’t smug about his talent. After reading his gory new horror novel “Nothing Men,” we interviewed Doug about his book and views about movies and entertainment since he is still a very ardent and influential voice in film criticism.

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Battledogs (2013)

“Battledogs,”is a film that demonstrates the fine art of retooling a movie and having a good time doing it. In this instance, Writer Phillip Van Dyke retreads 2008’s “The Incredible Hulk” but tailors it more for werewolves. Every plot device and moment in the film is shamelessly derived from the 2008 action film. Hell, there’s even a moment where one of the infected humans is kicked out of a helicopter in mid-air and sent crashing in to the Earth as it transforms in to the rabid werewolf.

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