A cell phone that isn’t working, a gritty rest stop, no phone in sight, a bitchy wife, an inept husband, a mysterious man behind the wheel of a car, and a lot of screaming. Well, now that we have all the clichés in order, let’s make a movie! “Rest Stop” wants to be “Wolf Creek,” it wishes it were “The Hitcher,” it vies to be “Duel,” but in reality it’s not even as good as “Joy Ride.” If this is what we’re getting from direct to video, I’m shocked that I’m still a horror fan. “Rest Stop” is a sloppy hackneyed piece of dribble that derives much of its plot from different survivalist horror films only to be called a survivalist horror film.
Tag Archives: Horror
Pervert! (2005)
Yudis’ film is fun. More fun than it has the right to be. And I suggest “Pervert!” for fans of Troma, horror, comedy, Sam Raimi, porn, Mary Carey, Russ Meyer, big breasts, sex, women, John Waters, big breasts, hot women, big breasts, good taste, and yes, big breasts. Did I enjoy “Pervert!” only on those terms? Yes. And what’s wrong with that? “Pervert!” is a film where you shut off the big brain, and let the little brain do its magic, and I can guarantee any red blooded hetero male, and or lesbian, will utterly enjoy the romps. Not to mention the shameless flaunting of sexy as hell Mary Carey as a trophy wife, Juliette Clarke as a very hot nurse, and Sally Jean as a Cuban antagonist with a wide smile, all of whom suffer the fate of the mysterious monster roaming the desert in search of… well, you’ll discover it for yourself.
Alone in the Dark (2005)
And in the distance, as the movie came to a close in an ending that ripped off the remains of “Evil Dead” so badly I gazed in wide eyed horror, a woman could be heard–laughing aloud. Is this ever a good sign to a good movie? No way, and that was a surefire indicator Uwe Boll had done it yet again, he’d made a movie that rivaled the sheer horror that was “House of the Dead,” a movie that will forever live in infamy as one of the worst horror movies ever made. Suffice it to say, if I made a drama or horror and spawned even the slightest of laughter, I’d duck out of the theater and hide in a cave. Too bad Boll didn’t do it.
LovecraCked! The Movie (2006)
Elias goes for the good old trick of cinema. When all else fails, throw in a hot chick or two. And man, are there ever good looking women here. Gillian MacGregor is one who will burn herself into your brain in “Witch’s Spring” as a rather sexy witch seducing a man, and then there’s Nicky Ladanowski in “Bug boy” a fleeting and rather horrific little skit involving a man’s rage manifesting itself into a monster. Elias’ talent shows, and when he tackles the horror element, he really pulls through in a gritty disturbing manner. Take for the example the weird “RePenetrator” which is surprisingly funny and inappropriately erotic, in which the Dr. West re-animates a body so hot he has to engage in rough sex with it before it turns on him.
Zombie Island (2005)
Director Bill Whirity’s “Zombie Island” is set in a reality, where a local town attracts tourists by inviting young hunting aficionados to a small little island off their coast. This particular tourist attraction happens to be an island filled with zombies. Three young guys looking for a good time beg to go on the island, and do so by a boater who hands them firearms and handheld weapons. At first, the tourist attraction seems more like a tourist trap, but as the zombies start popping up, the game no longer becomes fun.
Zombies By Design (2006)
The premise is actually quite clever. A ridiculous make over show, that gets its kicks and paycheck out of “re-animating” old homes enlists the help of a mad scientist they plan to put on television and rejuvenate his home. The problem is this mad scientist is indeed psychotic, and seven years before failed in a project that would create mechanic zombies for the military. Today the makeover show has signed onto re-do his house, but he has other plans for them. He wants to re-create his army come hell or high water.
Sasquatch Mountain (Devil on the Mountain) (2006)
Want to make a monster movie but don’t have enough of the resources? It’s easy. Cast a cult actor for about five minutes, litter your film with nothing but character actors, and include a man in a monster suit draped in the shadows the entire time. “Sasquatch Mountain” is not a ride on Six Flags, but a pretty lame monster movie that I happened to catch on television recently. Shot in a rather annoying blue tint for the entire film, “Sasquatch Mountain” involves mercenaries, hillbilly hunters, a Blair Witch themed sub-plot, and Cerina Vincent as a hostage. I adore how these horror films try to include everything for everyone, and neither of the attempts is amusing.