The Children (2008)

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

As much as I wanted to love Thomas Shankland’s horror film “The Children,” it’s yet another genre entry that’s all build and no bang. In fact the first hour of the whole film is nothing but build-up and off screen chaos, and there’s almost no pay off to anything that occurs. Whenever Shankland has a chance to blast the audience with carnage and havoc, it’s all so abruptly ended. You assume a movie about a mysterious chemical that turns children in to rotten maniacs merciless in their pursuit to murder adults would be straight forward and frantic. In reality it’s very slow, and there’s nothing straight forward about anything here.

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The Best of the Worst – 12 Horror Movie Collection (DVD)

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

From Mill Creek comes a dozen horror and fantasy films so bad you’ll want to eventually claw your eyes out. You could call this a compilation of films from the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” gallery. Except without the hilarious commentary to ease the pain. If you’re interested in owning these films sans the commentaries, it’s here for the taking!

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Disturbing Behavior (1998)

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Director David Nutter and writer Scott Rosenberg take a page from Ira Levin’s “The Stepford Wives” to offer nineties kids a modern take on the author’s novel. Who am I kidding? The pair rip chapters from author Levin and basically just retro-fit it for a modern audience, when all is said and done. “Disturbing Behavior” is basically “The Stepford Wives” except replacing the commentary on conservative men adjusting to the rising tide of feminism, we’re given a town of parents so unwilling to work on their kids they’d much rather just operate on them to make them in to model citizens.

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Pinocchio’s Revenge (1996)

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

With “Pinocchio’s Revenge,” it feels as if Director and Writer Kevin Tenney concocted an entire script based on a serial killer whose spirit inhabits his beloved Pinocchio doll and begins wreaking havoc on a hot mom and her daughter. And then mid-way he thought that perhaps it’d skirt legal issues, and then he suddenly transformed it in to a dull whodunit dramatic thriller. That’s the only way I can figure the logic for the title, at all. There’s no actual revenge, and in the end there’s not a lot of reasoning for Pinocchio to commit these crimes. But at least there’s still the hot mom.

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Scary Movie 5 (2013)

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

As usual, the way to conduct spoofs and satires these days is to base them around familiar material and deliver reliable jokes that anyone could really write. Most comedy is based around the formula and the “Scary Movie” series has made money off of familiarity. “Paranormal Activity” is popular, so that’s up for grabs. Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are headlines so they have to be included. Snoop Dogg is still notable, so why not throw him in there? Ashley Tisdale is still a very popular star, so she’s a natural replacement for Anna Faris. And hey, people still kind of, sort of remember “Black Swan” and “Inception” so why not throw those in there for filler?

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Young Frankenstein (1974)

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Mel Brooks’ horror comedy classic completely and utterly challenged any and all norms and perceptions of formula comedy that I had when I was a kid. It was a black and white movie that was a comedy and though the film bordered on absolutely insane in the comedy meter, the cast in the film played everything with a straight face. Particularly Gene Wilder whose entire performance is deadpan and dramatic in spite of the fact he’s probably the funniest character in the film.

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Good Conduct (2014)

Posted on October 15, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Director Patrick Rea and writer Michelle Davidson offer audiences a complex and deep narrative that only spans a little under ten minutes. In such a short time, director Patrick Rea is able to convey so many emotions by sheer body language alone. He films intricate moments involving human contact and gestures that often times manage to speak waves about these characters without suffering through clunky exposition.

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