So not only is Elvira a descendent of a witch, but she’s also the descendent of a Romanian countess. Truth be told, I’d love to see Elvira descend in to my bed, but that’s another article for another day. The good news Cassandra Peterson still has her unkempt sense of humor and she still looks damn good cracking wise and getting herself in to trouble as the Mistress of the Dark. “Haunted Hills” is the further adventures of Elvira, as the film is set in 1851 where Elvira and her servant Zou Zou travel the countryside performing for various villages. A self-proclaimed celebrity, Elvira and her servant make a habit of skipping out of bills when given the order from rather aggressive innkeepers, and the two make their days on the run and hoping for jobs.
Tag Archives: Romance
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988)
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the writing of “Mistress of the Dark.” Basically, the entire formula for comedy is comprised of a steady delivery of sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts, sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts, sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Hope for the best! Not to say it’s a bad formula, but after an hour, it becomes so predictable, you can see when a joke is about to fly at the audience, and it doesn’t really land all the time. But then again, Cassandra Peterson makes even the most clunky one-liner land, thanks to her almost unabashed goofiness, and her ability to use her chest as a sight gag more times than not.
For anyone who used to see this film when it originally premiered, using her chest as a form of laughs and awe from the men in the audience never gets old. When I was seven I’d see this movie every single time it was on television and it’s not because the movie is a comedy classic. Granted, “Mistress of the Dark” has a lot going for it. It never tries too hard and actually has fun with the premise. Cassandra Peterson uses this opportunity to bank on the popularity of her character while also giving her something to do. She provides the audience with her origin, a back story about her family, and she never hesitates to flirt with men around her in spite of the disgust of the puritanical town she ends up in.
There endless sex jokes and sight gags, so much so that the script would only be about four pages without them included. After quitting her famous cable show, Elvira sets out to start her own Vegas act, but she needs almost a hundred thousand dollars to fund it. She’s called back to her aunt’s home town Fallwell to inherit her possessions after she’s died, and after moving in to her dark mansion and adopting her dog, Elvira discovers she comes from a long line of witches. Meanwhile, her evil long lost uncle wants the sacred book of “recipes” Elvira’s aunt has left behind, while Elvira battles the town’s puritanical government, all of whom will do whatever it takes to run her out of town. Elvira runs amok garnering the love of the town’s teens, and even turns a small picnic in to an orgy after she botches a stew.
“Mistress of the Dark” is by no means a masterpiece, but compared to the likes of similar fare like “Repossessed,” it’s just infinitely more watchable and entertaining. Elvira sticks closely to the horror genre, providing a fish out of water comedy that was quite popular in films like “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure” and the eventual “Addams Family” big screen debut. Elvira herself is a likable character filled with movie references and shameless homages, while also never afraid to flaunt her assets to everyone she meets, even smothering her own windshield when she cleans it at a gas station. It may not be the comedy that re-invented horror comedies, but Elvira’s feature film debut is an entertaining and raunchy foray with the always sexy and unique Cassandra Peterson keeping together a formula plot and hit or miss jokes and one-liners with her wit, personality, and pair of talents always heaving for the audience.
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
I remember when I first read that “Dungeons & Dragons” was about to come to theaters in cinematic form. At the time of the film’s release I was obsessed with fantasy, and dragons and wouldn’t you know it? Zoe McLellan was co-starring. To fans of obscure science fiction, she co-starred as a gorgeous nerd in the TV series “Invisible Man.” If you want to know what that is, look it up. It’s a long story. I digress. McLellan would go on to play a gorgeous nerdy librarian in “Dungeons & Dragons” who really didn’t do much in the film. But she looked fetching the entire time. What makes “Dungeons & Dragons” such an astonishing film, is that it was released by New Line Cinema in the year 2000. As stated by other movie critics, “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” would be released a year later around December of the same time.
Titanic (1997)
It’s not a surprise why “Titanic” ended up becoming one of the highest grossing movies of all time and was later de-throned by “Avatar” by the very same director that brought us the aforementioned movie. Both films are so utterly broadly written and vague in their mass appeal that they’re pretty much guaranteed to be massive hits. With his hand on the button of the latest special effects, and a script that can be as ho hum and derivative as possible without a single complaint from his audience, “Titanic” is one of the two major blockbusters from director James Cameron. And like his future massive hit “Avatar,” it is an immense crowd pleaser because it doesn’t challenge or push its audience to think. It merely offers up vague characters, hackneyed archetypes, and a bang up special effects presentation that is still the small highlight in a giant disappointment.
Airplane! (1980)
Is there a comedy more perfect than “Airplane!”? I ask you. It’s in the list of the five perfect comedies ever made, and is definitely one of my top ten comedy films of all time, as well as one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s a film that appeals to folks who appreciate subtle comedy, raunchy comedy, silly comedy, and comedy that doesn’t require any thought at all. There are sight gags, puns, word plays, double entendres, and gratuitous nudity. There’s action, romance, suspense, stunts, and two jive talking passengers no one understands. There’s Kareem Abdul Jabar being Kareem Abdul Jabar, Peter Graves being a lunatic, Leslie Nielsen delivering the most genius deadpan comedic performance of his career, Lloyd Bridges who has an unusual history with recreational substances, and Ethel Merman for some reason.
The Big Bang Theory: The Complete Fifth Season (DVD) (2011)
“The Big Bang Theory” is currently my favorite sitcom on television and in its fifth season, it’s managed to show that its characters have evolved greatly since the pilot. Only four years ago, the series was very much about four geniuses who learned how to socialize thanks to their sexy and ditzy neighbor. And now in its fifth season, the characters have grown, changed, and evolved.
The cast grew from an original five in to seven characters, and the once womanizing obnoxious Howard Wolowitz is a man on the verge of marriage and experiencing a major step forward in his career as an engineer. As with all the seasons of the series, this season is ripe with geek references and major geek guest stars, and it doesn’t let its fan base down a bit.
The Room (2003)
My love for The Room has not been an easy road. It took months of fine tuning, refinement, some conformity and skipping doses of my meds to get down to the level of Tommy Wiseau and his unmitigated cult masterpiece. Whether you’ve seen the movie in its true form, whether you’ve seen it play on the April Fool’s Day airings on cable television here in America, whether you were there during the great tirade of Wiseau on online critics, “The Room” and its charms are almost impossible to ignore. It’s a movie so bad, so inept, so unbelievably painful, it’s almost impossible to comprehend anyone thought it would be great on-screen, “The Room” is a film I constantly quote to this day–ohai Mark!