The new superhero web series entitled “Justice Woman” is an episodic adventure that’s less “Elektra” meets Lois Lane, and more Carrie Bradshaw if she decided to don a costume and investigate crimes in her city. “Justice Woman” is definitely a web series for the martini drinking, “The View” watching audience. That’s by no means meant to be a disparaging commentary on the series, but “Justice Woman” is definitely aiming for a niche audience, and I’m sadly not it.
Tag Archives: Romance
H.P. Lovecraft's The Evil Clergyman (2012)
In 1988, Empire Pictures sought to create an anthology of films that would act as sequels to their big hits. There was a planned “Trancers 1.5,” a sequel to “The Dungeonmaster,” and the HP Lovecraft short film “The Evil Clergyman.” Re-uniting the legendary Jeffery Combs, and the gorgeous Barbara Crampton, the film was never released, and for many years it was thought to have been lost. After being discovered on a low quality VHS, the print of “The Evil Clergyman” was restored as best as possible by Full Moon and given a new opening title and brand new music to accompany a fairly twisted story.
Night of the Creeps (1986)
Almost thirty years later, 1986’s “Night of the Creeps” is a horror science fiction film that is nowhere near being a masterpiece, but is still one of the best horror romps I’ve ever seen from the decade. Director Fred Dekker treated fans to a double dose of horror entertainment, offering “Monster Squad” and then “Night of the Creeps.” While both films aren’t universally renowned like “Bride of Frankenstein,” they are classics in their own right. If you happened to love both films, you kind of want to give Fred Dekker a big hug. For me, it was a one two punch of horror comedy gold.
Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001)
So not only is Elvira a descendent of a witch, but she’s also the descendent of a Romanian countess. Truth be told, I’d love to see Elvira descend in to my bed, but that’s another article for another day. The good news Cassandra Peterson still has her unkempt sense of humor and she still looks damn good cracking wise and getting herself in to trouble as the Mistress of the Dark. “Haunted Hills” is the further adventures of Elvira, as the film is set in 1851 where Elvira and her servant Zou Zou travel the countryside performing for various villages. A self-proclaimed celebrity, Elvira and her servant make a habit of skipping out of bills when given the order from rather aggressive innkeepers, and the two make their days on the run and hoping for jobs.
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988)
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the writing of “Mistress of the Dark.” Basically, the entire formula for comedy is comprised of a steady delivery of sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts, sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts, sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Hope for the best! Not to say it’s a bad formula, but after an hour, it becomes so predictable, you can see when a joke is about to fly at the audience, and it doesn’t really land all the time. But then again, Cassandra Peterson makes even the most clunky one-liner land, thanks to her almost unabashed goofiness, and her ability to use her chest as a sight gag more times than not.
For anyone who used to see this film when it originally premiered, using her chest as a form of laughs and awe from the men in the audience never gets old. When I was seven I’d see this movie every single time it was on television and it’s not because the movie is a comedy classic. Granted, “Mistress of the Dark” has a lot going for it. It never tries too hard and actually has fun with the premise. Cassandra Peterson uses this opportunity to bank on the popularity of her character while also giving her something to do. She provides the audience with her origin, a back story about her family, and she never hesitates to flirt with men around her in spite of the disgust of the puritanical town she ends up in.
There endless sex jokes and sight gags, so much so that the script would only be about four pages without them included. After quitting her famous cable show, Elvira sets out to start her own Vegas act, but she needs almost a hundred thousand dollars to fund it. She’s called back to her aunt’s home town Fallwell to inherit her possessions after she’s died, and after moving in to her dark mansion and adopting her dog, Elvira discovers she comes from a long line of witches. Meanwhile, her evil long lost uncle wants the sacred book of “recipes” Elvira’s aunt has left behind, while Elvira battles the town’s puritanical government, all of whom will do whatever it takes to run her out of town. Elvira runs amok garnering the love of the town’s teens, and even turns a small picnic in to an orgy after she botches a stew.
“Mistress of the Dark” is by no means a masterpiece, but compared to the likes of similar fare like “Repossessed,” it’s just infinitely more watchable and entertaining. Elvira sticks closely to the horror genre, providing a fish out of water comedy that was quite popular in films like “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure” and the eventual “Addams Family” big screen debut. Elvira herself is a likable character filled with movie references and shameless homages, while also never afraid to flaunt her assets to everyone she meets, even smothering her own windshield when she cleans it at a gas station. It may not be the comedy that re-invented horror comedies, but Elvira’s feature film debut is an entertaining and raunchy foray with the always sexy and unique Cassandra Peterson keeping together a formula plot and hit or miss jokes and one-liners with her wit, personality, and pair of talents always heaving for the audience.
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
I remember when I first read that “Dungeons & Dragons” was about to come to theaters in cinematic form. At the time of the film’s release I was obsessed with fantasy, and dragons and wouldn’t you know it? Zoe McLellan was co-starring. To fans of obscure science fiction, she co-starred as a gorgeous nerd in the TV series “Invisible Man.” If you want to know what that is, look it up. It’s a long story. I digress. McLellan would go on to play a gorgeous nerdy librarian in “Dungeons & Dragons” who really didn’t do much in the film. But she looked fetching the entire time. What makes “Dungeons & Dragons” such an astonishing film, is that it was released by New Line Cinema in the year 2000. As stated by other movie critics, “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” would be released a year later around December of the same time.
Titanic (1997)
It’s not a surprise why “Titanic” ended up becoming one of the highest grossing movies of all time and was later de-throned by “Avatar” by the very same director that brought us the aforementioned movie. Both films are so utterly broadly written and vague in their mass appeal that they’re pretty much guaranteed to be massive hits. With his hand on the button of the latest special effects, and a script that can be as ho hum and derivative as possible without a single complaint from his audience, “Titanic” is one of the two major blockbusters from director James Cameron. And like his future massive hit “Avatar,” it is an immense crowd pleaser because it doesn’t challenge or push its audience to think. It merely offers up vague characters, hackneyed archetypes, and a bang up special effects presentation that is still the small highlight in a giant disappointment.