If you’re in the mood to watch a He-Man villain chase three buffoonish horror characters around deserted locales, eternal night, and a dull as day old bread funeral home, armed with a camera that seemingly never runs out of tape or battery power, then step right up to “Laid to Rest.” I can’t believe I waited anxiously for my chance to see this movie and wanted to welcome the new horror character to the slasher fold while enjoying the creative hook all to be welcomed with nothing but endless bickering among characters, a killer who doesn’t do much of anything unless the plot conveniently calls for some scares to keep audiences awake, and fifteen minutes involving three people trying to find the password to a cell phone to call police.
Tag Archives: Slasher
Hack/Slash: My First Maniac #4 of 4
For the past four episodes we’ve witnessed what was once the mysterious origin of Cassie Hack. And when all is said and done, I would have liked it to remain mysterious. When “Hack Slash” made its transformation from Devil’s Due title to Image Comics title, there of course had to be changes made. And this series is basically starting over. Sure it’s telling stories not even the old fans have ever read, but it’s basically taking all of the past storylines and completely ignoring and forgetting them.
For now, I hope. The demon dog, the supporting characters, Cassie’s connection to past slashers, the revelation she is likely a lesbian, it’s all gone. Again I’m not sure what creator Tim Seely is planning for future issues, but the entire saga is restarting and I’m just so anxious for the narrative to get back to where it used to be.
Hellraiser (1987)
I’m ashamed to admit that up until now I’ve never seen Clive Barker’s horror opus “Hellraiser.” In spite of it being regarded as a classic by many horror buffs and standing as a bonafide Gothic masterpiece, “Hellraiser” has managed to elude me for years. I’ve only managed to watch portions of the sequel, and the entirety of the third entry on late night cable as a child, but beyond that, I could never set down on the original film. One thing I loved about “Hellraiser” in the end was that Barker never holds our hands throughout the story he draws for the audience. Rather than making on the nose exposition, he instead allows us to explore this horror fantasy with the characters.
Hack/Slash: My First Maniac #3 of 4
Well up until the third issue, “My First Maniac” was a decent prequel to the Hack/Slash run on the Image tag. While I miss Vlad, and every other supporting character, I’ve been giving Cassie Hack and her first adventure in to the slasher realm a fair chance and this third issue really hasn’t been doing it for me. Mostly where the issue should be mostly about being a slasher throwback it instead takes itself very seriously and doesn’t seem to be having any fun with the concept at all.
I’m still not sure if this is the same Cassie Hack from Devil’s Due, and I’m still trying to figure out the elements of this villain. Not only are the supporting characters so utterly boring and tedious to endure, but Cassie is also having the life sucked out of her by these vapid characters all of whom lack any form of empathy.
Bikini Bloodbath Carwash (2008)
Mrs. Johnson: Nice erection, Todd.
Todd: Thanks. You too!
Sitting down to watch “Bikini Bloodbath Carwash” made me grin from ear to ear in only the first five minutes as it was clear the directing team of Jonathan Gorman and Thomas Edward Seymour knew what they were doing. There’s no backstory, no complexity, no undertones, it’s just all out ridiculous horror fun, and I loved it. I always say that I don’t mind stupidity as long as there’s some substance behind it, and the sequel to “Bikini Bloodbath” starts out on all the right notes. Two girls we’ve never met get up from bed, dance around in their underwear, one of whom takes a while to put on her top, they dance and jiggle, the directors put up the title in a very creative manner and we see “Written and Directed by Who the Fuck Cares.” I mean… that’s great. It just is. That’s stupid, but it’s stupid as a fox.
Pieces (Mil gritos tiene la noche) (1983): Two Disc Deluxe Edition (DVD)
“The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a water bed.”
Armed with perhaps two of the funniest, most demented, and rapid fire twists in possibly all of film history, “Pieces” is one of the most insane horror films I’ve ever seen, a movie so rife with cheese and over the top splatter that it’s just impossible not to enjoy. I found myself disgusted, and cringing all the while laughing at the top of my lungs at scenes so poorly orchestrated that it’s just so easy to sit and watch without being bored. It’s impossible to pick a starting point in this review because I’m currently comprehending what the hell I’d just seen before my eyes.
Spring Break Massacre (2008)
I’m not sure what the point of watching a horror movie is if we know everyone dies beforehand. Writers Hoffman and Jones take the unfortunate road of meeting us at the end with Reggie Bannister’s sheriff protagonist at the crime scene of said Spring Break Massacre explaining how every character dies. Meanwhile the story is told in completely disjointed formats and confusing shots that really left me in the dust. Why is this so high concept if it purports to be a slasher throwback? Why exactly is it called Spring Break Massacre if the majority of the story occurs during a slumber party?