“Gina Davis… like the wind… never forgets.”
2010 was a really rough year for yours truly so imagine my happiness when I learned that director Thomas Edward Seymour and Jon Gorman were ending the worst Christmas of my life with a Bikini Bloodbath. Finishing off their trilogy of trashy slashers, “Bikini Bloodbath Christmas” takes all of the good things about Christmas, destroys it, and instead trades it for a lot of booze, sexy women, bikinis, and a really evil chef Death who likes to kill people with a claw hammer… and stuff. Why is he killing people still? Who knows? But there are big boobs, sexy women and Debbie Rochon returns yet again.
Unnecessary back story, toilet humor, and overlong gags involving gore, yes, this is a sequel to “Hatchet” alright! While “Hatchet” was a serviceable genre installment that consumed time with a smile and didn’t change the genre as many movie critics promised it would, “Hatchet II” is here regardless, and rather than simply follow the formula it purports to adhere to with a throwback to goofy slashers of the eighties, in actuality it spends more time setting up the story in the first twenty minutes than it does get down to the nitty gritty of the sub-genre. Green takes the time out to explain the origin of Victor Crowley yet again for audiences after setting the sequel immediately after the events of the first film where Marybeth escapes the clutches of Crowley and manages to get away with the help of an eccentric fisherman.
If you’re in the mood to watch a He-Man villain chase three buffoonish horror characters around deserted locales, eternal night, and a dull as day old bread funeral home, armed with a camera that seemingly never runs out of tape or battery power, then step right up to “Laid to Rest.” I can’t believe I waited anxiously for my chance to see this movie and wanted to welcome the new horror character to the slasher fold while enjoying the creative hook all to be welcomed with nothing but endless bickering among characters, a killer who doesn’t do much of anything unless the plot conveniently calls for some scares to keep audiences awake, and fifteen minutes involving three people trying to find the password to a cell phone to call police.
For the past four episodes we’ve witnessed what was once the mysterious origin of Cassie Hack. And when all is said and done, I would have liked it to remain mysterious. When “Hack Slash” made its transformation from Devil’s Due title to Image Comics title, there of course had to be changes made. And this series is basically starting over. Sure it’s telling stories not even the old fans have ever read, but it’s basically taking all of the past storylines and completely ignoring and forgetting them.