Paparazzi (2004)

Paparazzi_1266389779_2004I was looking forward to “Paparazzi”, I really was, I mean Cole Hauser is a cool mofo, and I was glad that he’d finally been given a vehicle of his own for once. But when I was done, I was disappointed, and pretty damn pissed that this was such a piece of crap. I mean, how can anyone with half a brain buy in to this nonsense? Mel Gibson’s Hairstylist directs this faux-actioner that serves up more of a message, but to whom? What’s the message here? From its mere facade of a crappy actioner, it also attempts to become a nonsensical message about poor celebrities, and from its dumb plot it attempts to pass of commentary, problem is it isn’t smart enough to pull off that sort of commentary, especially commentary no really intelligent person gives a shit about.

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Camp Slaughter (Camp Daze) (2005)

camp-slaughter-movie-posterSo, as I’ve mentioned a million times, I’m a hardcore slasher fan. Aside from being a hardcore horror fan, I also am a fan of the sub-genre, and director Alex Pucci and writer Draven Gonzalez really seem to know their stuff when it pertains to slashers, and that’s one reason why I was smiling throughout the entire film. The film opens as you would expect any slasher to. Dark creepy camp, a camp sing-along with a ridiculously catchy hook, and then death. And then more death. The ending though is very similar to the opening of “Friday the 13th”, hell even the score and opening title nearly make it almost identical, and my attention was caught. I loved the opening simply because director Pucci captures the mood very well and almost copies the original film to the tee.

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Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004)

Baffling: This is a sequel to a really bad B film with a cast of Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson, and Jon Voight.
Obvious: None of them returned for this.
Baffling: This is a sequel (!) to “Anaconda”.
Obvious: It’s really bad.
Baffling: This was released in theaters during the summer.
Obvious: There are no A or even B list actors in the cast.
Baffling: This isn’t a straight to video release.
Obvious: It should be.

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American Gun (2002)

“American Gun” is two things. First, it’s a fascinating examination of how one event in your life, one simple mistake can change the course of events and alter your life forever. Second, it’s a fitting send-off to one of America’s great actors. James Coburn, the great James Coburn plays Martin Tillman, a retired man whose family is falling apart. The woman he fell in love with is all but a stranger to him, his daughter Penny is living with them to get away from her life, and her daughter has just run away. Martin is a good man, a man who is doing everything to keep his family together. Weekly he meets with his grand daughter secretly, sneaking her money and conversing with her as she confides with him, he attempts to communicate with his almost non-communicative wife, and he keeps Penny together, but one night she’s killed by the bullet of a gun, and the family shatters further.

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George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead (2005)

It’s here. It’s finally here. After waiting and waiting and waiting, it’s finally here, and I could not be happier if I tried. I went in to the theater with my stomach in knots, not only because zombies scare me, but because I was so excited and thrilled to see Romero open a can of whoop ass on the newcomers and show them how to make a horror film, and he did it right. Thank goodness. When we first open with “Land” Romero is already beginning to play with us, firstly by showing us the deteriorating world before our very eyes, and then we gaze on to the walking dead whom are looming around a graveyard as the humans watch them. Romero opens on a tense note with the radio reports and slowly decaying world and then we enter in to the madness.

Romero is brilliance incarnate, not only for creating a genre on to itself, but simply for the fact that he knows how to tell a story, and even in the films small ninety minute window, it’s still a damn good story in the end. But there’s a problem now. The zombies… they’re getting smarter. For people expecting zombies to talk, run, drive cars, and go on monologues, well then you’re mistaken, Romero doesn’t go that far. Romero is a genius simply for the fact that instead of giving us the same stuff again and again, he decides, no, he’s going to mix it up a bit. An artist doesn’t give us the same painting over and over, an artist experiments, and what madman Romero is doing is mixing it up, he’s playing with his concept.

Like the humans who evolved from primates to intelligent beings (for the most part), zombies are beginning to experience a gradual evolution as well, which has just made it a lot harder for the humans to survive in the wasteland we call Earth. Romero explores new concepts with the zombies that many fans will not like, but I loved. The most drastic being Big Daddy. Let’s talk about Big Daddy. One of the reasons why Romero is so critically praised is because most of his dead films feature smart heroes or smart villains whom are predominantly ethnic. Ben (NOTLD), Peter (DOTD), and even Big Daddy are smarter than everyone else and make it out alive–debatably. Romero denies it ever being intentional, but to accomplish such an innovative feat unintentionally is genius in itself.

Eugene Clark is a scene stealer as a zombie who catches on and becomes the unofficial messiah of the walking dead and the entirety of the film is comprised of the mercenaries battling among one another, and the zombies whom have learned to think and group together and are quickly on their way to Fiddler’s Green, a veritable safe haven of the sorts. I loved Big Daddy personally, simply because it’s a new direction. Much like Bub, Romero dares to take one of his creatures and add a soul to them. Big Daddy is dressed as the common man, but becomes much more than that (poetic, isn’t it?) as he teaches his other friends how to get what they want and faster. Big Daddy does not talk, nor does he drive a car, but much like an ape, he grunts and growls tilting his head and pointing at objects while he learns the usefulness of handheld weapons.

The theme of a man who was a gas station attendant, probably a dot in the grand scheme of life, rising as the undead to lead others to the promise land to topple an empire was a brilliant touch for Romero who explores other ideas with his creation. Each zombie has their own little personality, and they manage to steal the show in what is Romero’s grand comeback. And to the hardcore fans of the Dead series, Romero does not fail to include his trademark brand of dark humor, whether it be a zombie eating himself, the zombie band, or a jab at civilization, there are gags with the zombies that are so subtle it’s hard to catch. As for the human characters we’re given an immense array of personalities and characters we can just root for and pick sides with. As with “Night”, “Day”, and most essentially “Dawn”, we have a bunch of different personalities that clash and co-exist, and the acting is so well done.

Whether it’s the scene-stealing Robert Joy as the mentally disabled, but incredibly sharp-shooting Charlie, to the luscious Asia Argento as Slack, right to Simon Baker who is great as good guy Riley, and Pedro Miguel Arce as Pillsbury, there is just character after character we can get to know and root for. My personal favorite though is Cholo played by the often good John Leguizamo. Admittedly, I was very pessimistic on his casting simply because Leguizamo is a mainstream actor and not someone I would picture in a horror film, but he surprises me ending up becoming my favorite character. Cholo, meaning lower-class, is not so much a villain, but an antagonist who is just desperate to become upperclassmen, but is constantly being manipulated by the upper-class to do their bidding and gets nothing in return.

Cholo is the blue collared man looking to make it big in the world of industry, though you know he doesn’t stand a chance. Then there’s Dennis Hopper who plays politician and high class self-imposed emperor Kaufman who rules over Fiddler’s Green, a high rise that houses the rich while the poor must live below amidst the ghettos. Kaufman is the politician of today, a commentary on elitism who runs things and never lets the little guy have his dues. Cholo steals the humongous war tank “Dead Reckoning” and demands he get let in to Fiddler’s Green or he’ll blow it to pieces. Fiddler’s Green is the paradise of kings run like a utopia with high priced alcohol, the rich living it up and doing their work, while constant announcements boasting positive messages blare in the background every minute.

Romero gives yet another another jab at consumerism with the high class drinking and scrounging for food, while Kaufman represents the more Rumsfeld/Bush allegorical politician even muttering “We do not negotiate with terrorists” at one point. That’s provoking commentary only Romero can give us. Meanwhile, those hoping to see gore galore will not be disappointed by this experience. Greg Nicotero and KNB are at the top of their game here. Unlike the Dawn remake–we actually see people getting eaten! And Romero doesn’t cut away or pussy out, we see leg munching, intestine gorging, arm chewing, neck tearing, and oh so much more, it’s a delight.

In the end I was left with a big smile on my face, and warmth in my heart that Romero has finally given the true horror fans what we’ve been wanting for so long. The horror genre is dying and Romero gave it the small dose of adrenaline is sorely needed. This is how you make a fucking zombie movie, Hollywood, and it’s a great addition to the Dead Series. At only ninety-three minutes, “Land” sure is rushed. The film never settles down to tell us the story we’ve been waiting to see told from the first three films, instead it just continues on constant events without ever bothering to present us with character emphases, and the epic themes we’ve been so accustomed to.

Romero spoiled his fans and fails to spoil us further with the worldwide epic story we’ve been seeing for the past three films. Which is most of the reason why we don’t see enough of Asia Argento and Dennis Hopper. I wanted to see more of Asia simply for aesthetic purposes, her character Slack was never fleshed out enough, and as with Hopper, his full on menace is never presented in as much of the glory I expected. Though flawed on story and lacking the epic feel I was accustomed to, “Land of the Dead” is a welcome change to the horror slump. Romero is back and just as good as he was then providing a scary, action-packed, well acted addition to the epic dead series.

A Room for Romeo Brass (1999)

It’s a common almost natural reflex among children that if they have two objects in front of them, they’ll almost always choose the object that’s flashier, and bigger. It’s just an inborn need, and such is the case with “A Room for Romeo Brass”. Romeo and his next door neighbor Gavon are best friends who bicker and argue and their bond is strong. Gavon walks with a limp due to a back disorder and Romeo defends him constantly. But once Morell enters the scene, their friendship is tested. Morell, after breaking up a fight with Romeo who is attacked by two big kids after defending Gavon, seems nice enough and accompanies the boys home, but pushes himself in to Romeo’s life, not only serving as a friend who is flashier, bigger, stronger, and faster than Gavon, but also as a father figure for Romeo who has no father in his life. Suddenly Romeo wants nothing to do with Gavon, nor does he really visit him once he’s had back surgery, and Romeo and Morell become friends.

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White Noise (2005)

kiOnPmm5P9hhvC6bhYvqvpgZGpWhat a disappointment this was. This had its occasional highs and lows, and when it went low, it went down low to the ground with such an atmosphere of a TV movie when it shouldn’t have been. It constantly shuffles back and forth between sleek horror to watered down thriller again and again and I just lost patience with it, especially with its slow pacing which was just so frustrating. Nothing really goes on for quite a while pretty often and this never manages to keep our attention to what is happening and gets very boring in certain scenes. With such an original concept, its sad to see that very little originality is present.

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