Dario Argento’s Dracula 3D (2013)

Posted on December 16, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

There’s a moment during “Dracula 3D” where I had to look away from the screen and cringe in utter embarrassment. It’s not the scene with the giant mantis, but where Dracula and Mina Harker are pitching woo on the castle balcony in the night. In between the pillars you can see a night sky and moon light so badly composited on to the screen, with atmosphere so poorly made up of blatant CGI, that it’s shocking in its sloppiness. Dario Argento is much better than this. Hell, Asia Argento is much better than this.

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Howling VI: The Freaks (1991)

Posted on October 27, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

“The Howling” seems to go for broke this time, choosing instead to channel Tod Browning’s “Freaks” mixed with a tacked on werewolf vs. vampire battle, than actually trying to delve in to the werewolf mythos like the former movies. Like the previous films, “The Freaks” really has no relevance to future storylines, and no references to the previous plot points. There are no werewolf communities, or satanic cults. It’s just another Gothic romance drama posing as a horror film, yet again.

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Fright Night (1985)

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

If you’re going to be a derivative movie, don’t hide it. Flaunt it, own it, and be able to take the premise you’re deriving from and twist in to something excellent. “Fright Night” does the very thing. What if, instead of a murderer, the next door neighbor was a vampire? And what if, instead of a disabled man, we featured a young high school boy with a bad habit for snooping? And what if, instead of a photographer, this character was a horror fan whose imagination may or may not be playing tricks on him?

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Fright Night Part 2 (1988)

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Apparently Jerry Dandridge from “Fright Night” had a sister. And she’s pissed that Charlie Brewster killed him. She plans to get revenge on him by tracking him down, taking residence in the same building he resides in, and staging one of the most convoluted revenge plans ever written. She wants to turn Charlie in to a vampire, but then she also wants him to believe that he’s going crazy. She shows him that she’s a vampire quite often, but also wants him to think that she’s merely just a stage performer and Charlie is going nuts because–well–going crazy makes the blood sweeter?

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Chastity Bites (2013)

Posted on October 23, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Surely, “Chastity Bites” is a horror comedy you’ll either really enjoy, or very much loathe. And for the same reasons. It’s incredibly niche, and overbearing in its commentary about women, consumerism, and materialism in our society. How far are women willing to go to stay young? Would they even make a pact with the devil and murder those around them? “Chastity Bites” is a combination of “Stepford Wives,” “Dracula,” and bit of “Mean Girls” without any of the inherent genius behind the aforementioned tales.

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Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)

Posted on October 16, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Many people insist that Mel Brooks pretty much lost it once the nineties introduced itself. His comedy was somewhat outdated and he’d run out of material. I say thee nay! Sure, Mr. Brooks didn’t deliver any films in the level of “Blazing Saddles” in the nineties, but damn it I think his later efforts were entertaining in their own right. I think “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” is wacky fun, and you know what? I happen to find “Dracula: Dead and Loving It” to be hilarious on more than one occasion.

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From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman’s Daughter (2000)

Posted on October 11, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

There is still no explanation as to the origin of the strip club/temple. Not that I really cared, mind you. In the final shot of “From Dusk Till Dawn,” it was a great final blow to the audience to show how these vampires have likely been committing these slaughters since the mid-1800’s. I didn’t need to know how they got together and devised this idea to lure bikers and truckers to feast on them, but I assume if they’re going to continue the series with a prequel, you might as well give it a shot and explain how the temple came to be. Maybe an 80’s montage set to “Our House” with the vampires building the club and painting it at night or something.

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