So you can’t call her babe. That’s where she draws the line. She responds violently to those who call her babe. But… what about boobs? Jugs? Mammary Madam? Chesty? How about Baby? It’s kind of like Babe, but not really. It’s a shame because the original comic book from Dark Horse called “Barb Wire” sounds like it could be a fun action film. A busty blond heroine addicted to adrenaline who fights crime from the heart of her night club could be a great film overall. Instead, the producers cast a popular model turned actress in the guise of Pamela Anderson, spend most of the film focusing on her enhanced bust to compensate for her sheer lack of acting ability, and basically just remake “Casablanca” and call it a day.
Monthly Archives: March 2013
"Bates Motel" Pilot Review
Much like “Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles” was much more about the journey of Sarah Conner rather than the life of John Conner, “Bates Motel” is much more about the psychosis and sheer lunacy of Norma Bates, rather than the origin of Norman Bates.
The series, from what the pilot alludes, is very much going to lead in to the descent in to madness that Norman Bates takes. And it’s all thanks to his mother. She’s a very crafty and manipulative woman who seems to know so much more than she lets on.
Skyscraper (1996)
It’s hard to believe, but at one time someone thought turning models and porn stars in to action heroines was a good idea. Tracie Lords, Shannon Tweed, Pamela Anderson. All gorgeous women in their own B movie straight to video fare that never panned out beyond B movie straight to video fare. The worst of all has to be someone’s shocking brainstorm that perhaps the plus size dumb as a post model Anna Nicole Smith could somehow become something of a cult action movie star. It’s bad enough Smith could barely pose for a photo shoot without looking forced, but making her act? Could she even walk and talk at the same time?
Leapin’ Leprechauns! (1995)
Oh, leapin’ Irish stereotypes! “Leapin Leprechauns!” from Charles Band studio Moon Beam is not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s probably the most baffling I’ve seen in a good while. The film takes literally a half hour to get the actual plot in motion, and we spend about twenty long minutes on a leprechaun council meeting where the leprechauns and fairies argue and bicker non-stop. As for a villain of the piece, we don’t meet the evil menace until there’s only ten minutes left in the actual movie. I couldn’t understand why the villain was introduced before the credits actually began, but the writers fails to muster up an interesting bad guy.
Red Dawn (1984)
Director John Milius’s 1984 war action film “Red Dawn” is probably one of the best guilty pleasures the eighties ever doled out for audiences. It’s certainly one of my childhood favorites, a film I recall re-watching time and time again and cheering on the likes of Charlie Sheen and Patrick Swayze. The film as a whole is absurd and incredibly silly, with everything in the film being drawn as inexplicably convenient for the good guys, and incredibly bad for the bad guys. Trained mercenaries can’t possibly outwit and outgun a bunch of high school students whose only training is hunting in the woods? Seriously?
Red Dawn (2012)
The tale of “Red Dawn” was always nothing but a Reagan era fantasy film to begin with, so the remake of the 1984 action film wasn’t going to be looked upon as anything but fiction pure and simple. It’s a shame that director Dan Bradley’s remake of “Red Dawn” was shelved for a very long time. All things considered, while it does have its inherent flaws, it proves to be much better than the original. The element that Director Bradley improves upon is turning the Wolverines less in to overnight commandoes, and more in to human beings fighting for a cause that may spell doom for them if they’re not careful. And it does this by turning the conflict over on its head and turning the Wolverines in to a terrorist group that is operating underground.
Street Sharks – The Complete Series (DVD)
It just goes to show that just because something is cool on paper, it doesn’t mean it’ll be scooped up by children. By 1994, pretty much every studio were looking for their own “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” take off that could grant them instant success. Since the eighties and most of the nineties belonged ot the heroes in a halfshell, most of the animated studios looked for their own spin on the formula. There were at least dozen clones of the Ninja Turtles once the Ninja Turtles took off. One of them was “Street Sharks.”