Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Dario Argento’s Dracula 3D (2013)

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There’s a moment during “Dracula 3D” where I had to look away from the screen and cringe in utter embarrassment. It’s not the scene with the giant mantis, but where Dracula and Mina Harker are pitching woo on the castle balcony in the night. In between the pillars you can see a night sky and moon light so badly composited on to the screen, with atmosphere so poorly made up of blatant CGI, that it’s shocking in its sloppiness. Dario Argento is much better than this. Hell, Asia Argento is much better than this.

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Steps (2013)

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“Steps” from director Josef Rodriguez has a lot more coherency than “Take It Back” does, but it is still a work in progress. “Steps” is a short with a lot of potential to be a funny look at a jerk’s punishment when he crosses a girl at a party. When he’s kicked out, he realizes he has to pee and there’s not a bathroom in sight.

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Storage 24 (2013)

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Despite being featured in an article as one of the lowest grossing movies of the year (It premiered in one theater), “Storage 24” is actually a solid monster movie. If you want to see a vicious monster murdering thirty something Brits, this is the movie you’ll want to watch. Director Johannes Roberts‘ genre entry is a film with big ambitions, but a small budget, so he uses the creature effects wisely and pays off with vicious violence, and a pretty interesting finale. I’m not about to call “Storage 24” a masterpiece, as Roberts film takes too much of its time on back story and set up.

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Within a Blink of an Eye (2013)

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Much of what we do and say has consequences. Every step we take in human relationships from body language to even the most minute word has a profound impact on how we see one another and approach our lives. “Within a Blink of an Eye” astutely examines such a factor in the human dynamic, while also examining the concept of fate.

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Within a Blink of an Eye (2013)

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Much of what we do and say has consequences. Every step we take in human relationships from body language to even the most minute word has a profound impact on how we see one another and approach our lives. “Within a Blink of an Eye” astutely examines such a factor in the human dynamic, while also examining the concept of fate.

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Battle of the Year (2013)

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The only thing more shamelessly stupid than the utter self-congratulatory premise behind “Battle of the Year” is the god awful product placements. One thing about these stupid dance movies it that they’re a gold mine for corporations to advertise to an audience that likely can’t afford their crap. So we’re shown images of Braun in the background in the first minutes of the film, Josh Peck has a new Sony Ipad because “It’s the future,” he tells main character Josh Holloway. Then there’s an insert of him renting “Planet B-Boy” on Netflix, menu and all.

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Airborne (1993)

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Director Rob Bowman’s 1993 inline skating dramedy “Airborne” is the most nineties-est film of the entire decade, and damn it, I love it. It’s so 90’s, it automatically cancels out “Empire Records” and “Clueless,” combined. I suspect Warner and Bowman expected to begin a brand new nationwide rad inline skating craze with “Airborne,” by pandering to their love for all things extreme and edgy of the sport. Including long hair, surfing, flannel, hockey, and an extreme final race that’s so extreme it’s extra-eme.

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