Frankenstein vs. the Creature from Blood Cove (2005)

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What I always enjoy is the schlock brought upon us by new directors that take it upon themselves to carve their own pastiche with films that both spoof yet pay respect to the films of old that audiences are no longer interested in. What William Winckler does or tries his hardest in doing is both spoofing the classic horror film while paying his own homage telling this story that is both simple but entertaining. “Blood Cove” is often cheesy and goofy, but that’s the intent, its low tech in many respects with the creature’s monster suit and the Frankenstein make-up.

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The Skeleton Key (2005)

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Perhaps I was expecting nothing, because in the end I was truly surprised that “The Skeleton Key” ended up becoming a truly inspired and genuinely creepy supernatural thriller that deserves a chance. Director Iain Softley along with writer Ehren Kruger of past supernatural exploits, creates a rather spooky and all around morbid thriller surround the Louisiana bayous, and its undercoating of hoodoo and religious fanaticism. Much a mixture of “The Serpent and The Rainbow” and “Rosemary’s Baby”, the main character, a heroine of rather innocent background discovers she’s in a web of conspiracy and potentially evil deeds that will decide her life if she’s not careful.

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Fat Albert (2004)

2I used to love “Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids”. As a child I spent many days watching the Cosby Kids from their junkyard solve problems while bringing us along for the fun that ensued. It was really no surprise to me when I discovered that the adaptation was being filmed, especially with the successes of popular shows being processed in to bad movies like “Scooby-Doo”, and “Rocky and Bullwinkle”. Very few were hits, and many were utter misses, because instead of giving us a truly good story that works, they were just made to cash in on the popularity and take our money. Luckily, I never paid for any of them. “Fat Albert”–though not as awful as claimed repeatedly–is still a terrible film and was a bit of a match to sit through.

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Alien 51 (2004)

alien-51-vhs-front2[In reference to our main character Cleo]
Randy: Does she seem a little off to you?
Officer: She’s hot, Randy. She can be as off as she wants.

It’s a pretty safe bet that “Alien 51” is quite possibly one of the worst science fiction monster movies I’ve ever seen. I challenge you to find something else so creatively impotent, so utterly derivative, and so nonsensical as the movie I spent ninety minutes drudging and fast-forwarding through. Nothing in this film makes the slightest lick of sense, and it’s clear that either the script was horribly done, or the directors lost so much money, they literally spent the second half simply winging it, coming up with a remaining plot that is so stupid. You know a movie is desperate when it’s biggest star is Heidi Fleiss, you know a movie is desperate when it boasts “Starring Heidi Fleiss”, and you know a movie is desperate when its big attempted draw-in was a has been model who appears as a mustache twirling villainess.

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Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004)

I recently re-watched the slowly growing classic “Ginger Snaps” and while the re-watch quality hasn’t been kind to it, it’s still a damn good werewolf film. What “Ginger Snaps 2” does is offer a much different approach to the story which may or may not bode well with audiences. You can say whatever you want about this sequel, but in the end you can’t call it repetitive or prosaic. It’s a completely different sort of concept and narrative yet manages to extend the story from the first which is what a sequel should be. One of my many ever recurring complaints about film is that sequels always tend to repeat the first film instead of extend or add on to the original story told, and “Ginger Snaps 2” doesn’t fall prey to that trap. In the end, it’s ultimately not better than the first film, or even the sub-par final film, but it still ends up being an engrossing piece of werewolf fodder that adds to the mythos and does away with the werewolf/period allegory and presents a more upfront premise.

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Darkness (2002)

darkness-2002It’s weird how the biggest houses with the most windows at the top of a hill on the countryside always manage to somehow be the darkest. I live in a large apartment with many windows and it’s often too bright, but somehow the setting here is dark and gloomy even in a beautiful house such as the one in “Darkness”. “Darkness” is unequivocally one of the most embarrassingly derivative “horror” films I’ve seen in years. It’s a film that borrows and yanks elements from other better horror movies just to tell the nonsensical and utterly pointless story we see here. You could guess the story before I even spelled it out for you. A small family, relocating to a job in Spain where seemingly no one speaks the native language, moves in to a great house haunted by ghosts. Cue an unnecessarily large back story, many obligatory plot twists, and surprisingly bad acting from the great cast featured.

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Night Watch (Nochnoy Dozor) (2004)

night-watch-02And then when they said there’s no more original ideas, out comes “Nochnoy Dozor”. If you’re unfamiliar, “Nochnoy Dozor”–or “The Nightwatch”– it is a Russian fantasy epic, the first of a planned trilogy that just finished smashing box office records in Russia becoming the highest grossing film of all time there beating out “Spider-Man 2”.  Though it’s not as if Russia is a Mecca for light-hearted epics, “The Nightwatch” has made quite an impact there, and will soon be released and then remade here in the US. Before the Hollywood butcher shop decided to hack their way in to a crappy remake, I decided to grab a hold of the original film, and I wasn’t disappointed.

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