It's Not All Fucked: A "28 Days Later" Tribute

Frank lives by hope even if his daughter Hannah has no hope thanks to the death of her mother, and his is infectious as he spreads this radio frequency offering salvation to survivors to his new friends begging them to believe in this new world, and they have no choice but to seek it out or remain in this city where hope has all but deteriorated in a sea of dead bodies, and massive skyscrapers that now look like tombstones for the dead. Frank’s entrance in to the fold is true heroism and one that is based around his hope for life in a world void of it and hoping to gain their trust allowing for caretakers in the event of his demise. For a man whose seen nothing but chaos, he is shockingly high spirited and provides his new guests with smiles, pats on the backs and giggles because it’s about all he can do to keep up the morale of his daughter who has seen the world die before her eyes. He even keeps their gold fish alive in the wake of their clear lack of any water, in spite of his best efforts to grab some on the knowledge of a television show he’d seen one night. Jim and Selena can’t help but be charmed by his determination and unflinching grasp for some new world out there beyond their reaches, and they go for it with an old taxi Frank claimed in the midst of the carnage.

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It's Not All Fucked: A "28 Days Later" Tribute

Danny Boyle’s “28 Days Later” came along at a very tough time in my life. Like most movies that are around during difficult periods in your life, they tend to have a very important impact and influence on your mood and overall outlook on your fate. Around the time “28 Days Later” was released, I was about to go in to open heart surgery. And while my survival rate was very high we were all considerably on edge. I remember that year my dad took us to see “Terminator 3” in theaters to cheer us up, and on the way home we bought the bootleg VHS for “28 Days Later” which didn’t work. Days later I was able to obtain another copy with crisp quality and indulged in one final incredible horror movie before I went under the knife and endured an excruciating week in recovery that involved sleepless nights, aches, and a hospital ward waiting to see if I’d slip in to an infection or heart failure at any minute.

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Pie Tins & String: Celebrating "Plan Nine"

“My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?”

In some plane, I can see why Ed Wood would turn to Criswell for advice on the future. The man is so insane and incoherent and yet so stern in his predictions that he’d naturally be deemed something of a deity or messiah to someone as nutty and eccentric as Edward D. Wood Jr. In fact if I could meet someone alive or dead, I think I’d love to sit down with Criswell and pick his brain while munching on some acid, because I think my head is doomed to explode from the utter inanity and absurd circular logic this man will inevitably spew for hours on end if given the opportunity.

For many, the most infamous and most attractive aspect of “Plan Nine” is Criswell, an element of a science fiction movie so unnecessary it’s astounding to sit and watch. Criswell serves no purpose to the overall narrative of “Plan Nine” beyond narration, and even then there’s really no need to explain everything before our eyes.

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My Name is Felix and I'm a Kinemortophobe

Acrophobia, Nictophobia, Mysophobia, and Kinemortophobia. These are my primary phobias that plague me day in and day out. But… mainly that last one has been a nagging more insane but very troublesome phobia that has grabbed on to me since I was old enough to walk and hasn’t let go. Kinemortophobia (or Ambulothanatophobia) can be described as fear of the undead, or more importantly fear of the walking dead. Sure to some of you, it may sound idiotic and something to laugh at, but when you’re a little kid trying to sleep unable to go five minutes without looking behind you or sleeping near the edge of your bed, it’s not funny. And it’s quite traumatic. No, this is not meant to be a satirical article, this is quite real to me. I simply can not explain it. I’ve tried to figure out why since I was a child, but I simply can not explain it. I have a fear of zombies. Not vampires, or mummies, or anything else undead, but specifically zombies. The walking dead, the brain munching, gut gnawing, glazed over, staggering, shambling, moaning, groaning, mobile, green skinned, mouths agape, oozing, bleeding, rotting monsters that have become so absolutely prevalent in modern death obsessed pop culture.

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The Contrabulous Fabtraption of "Step Up 3D"

“People dance because dance can change things. One move, can bring people together. One move, can make you believe like there’s something more. One move, can set a whole generation free.”

It’s pretty surprising how anyone attempting to be considered a legitimate movie critic can somehow sully all credibility with his quasi-positive review of a dance movie set to 3D. What with 3D now shown as nothing but a cheap gimmick, injected in to a movie series that was nothing but a gimmick in the first place, I can understand why people would detest anything with “Step Up” attached. I mean with a quote you see at the beginning of this article, I can’t blame anyone for being remotely aggressive at the sight of this film or a remotely positive grading. But, as is the requisite, I’m in the minority when I say while “Step Up 3D” is a bad movie, it’s not the worst movie in theaters right now. This year brought without a doubt the worst movie in the last five year as directed by Kevin Smith, and we were force fed a “comedy” spoofing “Twilight.” Beyond that we also had a really awful “Nightmare on Elm Street” remake, Brendan Fraser battling animals, and a large Hawaiian wrestler dressed in a tutu and tights, but somehow people are convinced “Step Up 3D” is a plague on the box office.

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My Dad & The Movies

I’ll just be honest here once and for all, I had nothing growing up. In spite of my parents best efforts to give us everything they could, my brother, sister and I didn’t have much in the way of games or toys, or even luxuries such as the newest sneakers on the block that everyone wanted to own. We didn’t even get a computer until the late nineties, but what we lacked in material possessions we were more than wealthy with parents who would do just about anything to help the summer pass by with as many experiences as possible. Water parks, the zoo, carnivals, block parties, if it was in their power to give it to us, we were more than appreciative to accept it.

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The Long and Winding Yellow Brick Road

When you get down to it, Toto is the most important aspect of the entire epic. He discovers the Cowardly Lion, The Wicked Witch, The Flying Monkeys, he marches in place with the incognito troop from Oz, and surely enough he is the one who manages to uncloak The Wizard and reveal him to be nothing but smoke and mirrors. He’s the twisted government official who is little more than a sniveling little man hiding behind a sheet and some smoke. Toto has always managed to be regarded as something of a secondary element to the overall narrative of this adaptation, but when you get down to it he’s pretty much the audience, the one who watches and goes along with all of the other characters in hopes of making heads or tails of this whole charade. He’s the watcher, and surely enough, he’s the one who keeps Dorothy and the group’s moral center in tact the entire time they’re fighting with apple throwing trees and that dreaded field that puts the entire clan to sleep.

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