Spartan (2004)

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Leave it up to David Mamet to write and direct what a true spy film should be and has to be. What starts off as a full procedural evolves in to a film in the spirit of “Three Days in the Condor”. As per usual Mamet, his film rapidly evolves from scene to scene, and what I thought would be a cold procedural film that would usually be a stupid show on CBS, quickly evolved into a very well characterized thriller. And films with Val Kilmer have, of late, left me skittish to enter it, but Kilmer really leads a truly well drawn thriller that I had fun with.

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Big Boobs, Blonde Babes, Bad Blood (2006)

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bbbbbbI was admittedly surprised with “Big Boobs…” because judging by the description I expected a glimpse in to making underground films, but surprisingly enough Alter Ego flaunts its most prominent director Shane Ryan with a compilation of his experimental and horror films. The films by Ryan featured are a mixed bag of weird, ridiculous, and very appealing. So, in turn I did get what I wanted, because the film enthusiastically boasts all of Ryan’s short films, while featuring making-of featurettes that many times last longer than the actual film. In one instance one of Ryan’s ten minute films is followed up by a twenty five minute making. It’s insane, but oddly watchable. “Big Boobs…” is never ashamed to admit it’s cheap and self-congratulatory, which adds to the fun experience of watching these films.

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Journey of the Dead (2005)

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+3+3+Who do you call when rock star zombies (what’s the difference?) attack your house? Steve Perry. Seriously. A couple of “The Darkness” loving yuppies arrive home one day to find their home under siege by the living dead. Living Dead Rock Stars. It makes sense. You like “The Darkness”, you should be killed.

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Zombie Honeymoon (2004)

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A few months ago, I saw a film called “Boy Eats Girl”, about a young man who dies and comes back as a zombie. The people who love him are willing to ignore his ravenous potentially murderous behavior because they just are that committed to him. “Zombie Honeymoon” is basically along those same lines. Except, in spite of its evident camp it’s much more in the vein of a tragedy, and it works. Can you love someone who is uncontrollably murderous? Can you love someone beyond circumstances that are not in your control? Do you fight the tide, or welcome it with open arms? “Zombie Honeymoon” in spite of its ludicrous title is actually much more classy and straight-faced than its moniker would dictate to audiences; which would also attribute to the lack of interest from many I’ve come across.

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I Killed Tom@MySpace.com

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kfdhkWhat attributes to the current success and immense popularity of “My Space”? I can never really figure it out. I have a personal page and a networking one, so I won’t pretend I hate My Space, but for a site that runs well only half the time, has trouble loading, is incredibly slow, and is down half the time, I wonder why My Space continues to remain such a humongous website. One of the most ridiculous but warranted feuds on the mega website is the subscribers’ feuds with Tom. Who is Tom? Tom runs the entire site.

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The Movie Extra (2005)

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fullHow desperate can one person be to star in a film, even as an extra? Apparently not as desperate as the main character in “The Movie Extra” who, on the phone for the entire film, tries to convince his agent to cast him as a Pakistani, a full blown homosexual (pun not intended), Denzel Washington’s stunt double, and a woman. Seriously.

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Masters of Horror: Imprint

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What—you thought I wouldn’t review this episode? You fool. Showtime, or as I like to call it, HBO-lite created the “Masters of Horror” series more as a Halloween novelty and then in to a full on series. They then invited horror veterans to throw in their own tales in the proverbial cap and really garner ratings and acclaim. And then they took on Takashe Miike. And then they banned his creation. The equivalent of this being that I ask an artist to draw the most disturbing picture he can, and then when he does, I scream “Whoa! Too disturbing!” And then I tear it up. My question is: How can you give an arsonist a match and then not expect him to burn down a whole city? How can you let Takashe Miike direct something for you and then get angry when he actually directs?! Did anyone at Showtime even know who he was?

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