Masters of Horror: Dreams in the Witch House

Perhaps I set myself up for this, perhaps the first episode just had me on this orgasmic euphoric high only set to be lowered by anything. Director Stuart Gordon of “Re-Animator” takes center stage this time in the second episode of the series with an entertaining albeit disappointing installment based on HP Lovecraft’s story of the same name. I’ve never read a story from Lovecraft, but I know he’s an immense influence for many horror masters that borrow the elements from his story for their own. Gordon manages to create a very entertaining installment for Masters of Horror that’s sometimes surreal, many times whimsical and all times filled with dread.

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The Skeleton Key (2005)

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Perhaps I was expecting nothing, because in the end I was truly surprised that “The Skeleton Key” ended up becoming a truly inspired and genuinely creepy supernatural thriller that deserves a chance. Director Iain Softley along with writer Ehren Kruger of past supernatural exploits, creates a rather spooky and all around morbid thriller surround the Louisiana bayous, and its undercoating of hoodoo and religious fanaticism. Much a mixture of “The Serpent and The Rainbow” and “Rosemary’s Baby”, the main character, a heroine of rather innocent background discovers she’s in a web of conspiracy and potentially evil deeds that will decide her life if she’s not careful.

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Fat Albert (2004)

2I used to love “Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids”. As a child I spent many days watching the Cosby Kids from their junkyard solve problems while bringing us along for the fun that ensued. It was really no surprise to me when I discovered that the adaptation was being filmed, especially with the successes of popular shows being processed in to bad movies like “Scooby-Doo”, and “Rocky and Bullwinkle”. Very few were hits, and many were utter misses, because instead of giving us a truly good story that works, they were just made to cash in on the popularity and take our money. Luckily, I never paid for any of them. “Fat Albert”–though not as awful as claimed repeatedly–is still a terrible film and was a bit of a match to sit through.

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Alien 51 (2004)

alien-51-vhs-front2[In reference to our main character Cleo]
Randy: Does she seem a little off to you?
Officer: She’s hot, Randy. She can be as off as she wants.

It’s a pretty safe bet that “Alien 51” is quite possibly one of the worst science fiction monster movies I’ve ever seen. I challenge you to find something else so creatively impotent, so utterly derivative, and so nonsensical as the movie I spent ninety minutes drudging and fast-forwarding through. Nothing in this film makes the slightest lick of sense, and it’s clear that either the script was horribly done, or the directors lost so much money, they literally spent the second half simply winging it, coming up with a remaining plot that is so stupid. You know a movie is desperate when it’s biggest star is Heidi Fleiss, you know a movie is desperate when it boasts “Starring Heidi Fleiss”, and you know a movie is desperate when its big attempted draw-in was a has been model who appears as a mustache twirling villainess.

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Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004)

I recently re-watched the slowly growing classic “Ginger Snaps” and while the re-watch quality hasn’t been kind to it, it’s still a damn good werewolf film. What “Ginger Snaps 2” does is offer a much different approach to the story which may or may not bode well with audiences. You can say whatever you want about this sequel, but in the end you can’t call it repetitive or prosaic. It’s a completely different sort of concept and narrative yet manages to extend the story from the first which is what a sequel should be. One of my many ever recurring complaints about film is that sequels always tend to repeat the first film instead of extend or add on to the original story told, and “Ginger Snaps 2” doesn’t fall prey to that trap. In the end, it’s ultimately not better than the first film, or even the sub-par final film, but it still ends up being an engrossing piece of werewolf fodder that adds to the mythos and does away with the werewolf/period allegory and presents a more upfront premise.

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Masters of Horror: Incident on and off Mountain Road

The pilot episode of “Masters of Horror” pretty much brings to the table what I was expecting. Gore, good acting, and plot twists. and it’s just what I got, thank god. The story, compacted within a fifty minute window, is smart enough and well written enough that it doesn’t feel rushed. The plot for the pilot is simple enough to be squeezed in to a small segment, yet manages to give us enough character depth and subtext we would desire. Not to mention some brutally gruesome images of torture that make the viewing all worth it. Bree Turner (I think I’m in love) gives a good performance as Ellen, a young woman who crashes in to a deserted car in the middle of a road.

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Darkness (2002)

darkness-2002It’s weird how the biggest houses with the most windows at the top of a hill on the countryside always manage to somehow be the darkest. I live in a large apartment with many windows and it’s often too bright, but somehow the setting here is dark and gloomy even in a beautiful house such as the one in “Darkness”. “Darkness” is unequivocally one of the most embarrassingly derivative “horror” films I’ve seen in years. It’s a film that borrows and yanks elements from other better horror movies just to tell the nonsensical and utterly pointless story we see here. You could guess the story before I even spelled it out for you. A small family, relocating to a job in Spain where seemingly no one speaks the native language, moves in to a great house haunted by ghosts. Cue an unnecessarily large back story, many obligatory plot twists, and surprisingly bad acting from the great cast featured.

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