In the eighties, Rutger Hauer was king. He was a man who managed to impress as both villain and anti-hero in many movies from the classic “The Hitcher” and “Bladerunner” to the not so classic but memorable “Blind Fury.” And as is the case, with every generation of bad asses, there’s always someone Hollywood is looking to peg as the next McQueen. “Wanted: Dead or Alive” is based on the excellent Western series starring Steve McQueen as a lone bounty hunter in the old west who travels along the land with his shot gun acquiring his next catch and teaching them lessons along the way while fighting the local bad guys. As is the case with the eighties, director Gary Sherman completely diminishes all of its period settings and sets its hero down in to modern times coating him with black leather, slicked back hair and teaming him against local terrorists as played by the tongued one Gene Simmons.
Tag Archives: Crime
Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour (2008)
To say the writing behind “Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour” is clunky, sloppy, and utterly lazy would be a gross understatement. The movie makes no effort in being at all coherent or fluid and instead just does nothing but make all of the wrong movies when applied to competent writing. Sarah Landon is the heroine of this picture and the best characterization we get from her is during her introduction when she gets in to her car and the director zooms in on her bumper sticker that reads “My Friend was Killed by a Drunk Driver.” Director Lisa Comrie doesn’t even try to giver her some complex characterization, she literally explains her entire story on a bumper sticker! And this is supposed to give us insight on Landon? Why not put another bumper sticker that reads “Sarah Landon: The Main Character”?
Noise (2007)
In the end I really wanted to love “Noise,” because as a born and bred New Yorker, I tend to sympathize with character David Owen whose humble nature makes it impossible for him to ignore the random city sounds around him that eventually begins to disrupt his life. Regardless of what he does he is a fish out of water, and soon he becomes a beast who uses that disturbance and somehow gains something of a thrill out of it. He loves to hate what he hates, and he never quite knows why, even after confrontations with the mayor and a courtroom stand off. By the final scene he’s embraced his lunacy, but hasn’t found a way to resolve it. And that’s where the problem lies in the narrative, Henry Bean never quite knows what message he’s trying to convey.
The Hangover (2009)
Todd Philips’ road trip comedy is something of a mystery that manages to possess much more of a complex plot than we’re led to believe by the trailers originally. In its heart it’s about four friends re-connecting for one wild weekend before the wedding of their friend Doug, all the while exploring four friends who are also getting in touch with a part of themselves they lost or will eventually lose when they get back home to domestic monotony. The four characters here are much more representations of the male such as Stu who is a delusional male whipped by his domineering wife anxious to break out of his confines. Alan is something of an erratic monster who isn’t a bad guy even if he’s done some truly perverted things. Doug is a man facing a big change in his life about to marry a wealthy woman who is also the girl of his dreams and presenting a life as a married man and possible father, while Phil is a man who refuses to let himself be toned down even though he’s a father and a husband.
The Boondock Saints (1999)
Watching “The Boondock Saints” is something of an experience, and one that I’m actively working on forgetting as soon as humanly possible. Director Troy Duffy’s action trashapalooza is much too mind-numblingly moronic to be taken as an earnest effort for indie action cinema, and much too stern to be considered camp garbage. You can clearly sense director and writer Troy Duffy working actively to portray every single character in this film as something to be taken with a straight face and a shiver, but in the end none of it works out for the better.
Rock Slyde (2009)
Instantly I knew that “Rock Slyde” was nothing but a wasted effort when main character Rock Slyde declares “Keep and eye on Bart, he’s up to something fishy… kind of like fish.” To where we’re reduced to a scene of Rock and his secretary literally comparing fish to crab. Hey you have to give them credit for trying, but every single person in and behind “Rock Slyde” is a lot like that spider in the tub struggling to keep its head above water and you just know it won’t survive. “Rock Slyde” is basically just a string of nonsensical vastly unfunny jokes, gags, and one-liners all of which seems to have been written from comedy class 101 at the local community center. When in doubt, point out the joke we’ve just seen. When in doubt, drive a pun in to the ground as much as possible until it gets sickening.
Tekken (2010)
Someone somewhere figured that we as movie lovers and action buffs needed or would have wanted a “Tekken” movie–even if no one asked for it. Because as we are all aware, the “Mortal Kombat,” “Double Dragon,” and “Street Fighter” movies were all so amazing and rich in bone crunching action and sharp cinematic prowess that we just had to have a fifth tier video game franchise with fairly forgettable characters lacking any iconic sensibilities be turned in to action heroes for a potential film franchise. And not surprisingly this isn’t making the rounds in theaters any time soon. Movie websites have reported on this film for a short time and since then the word’s been slim to none on its quality.