Beach Babes From Beyond (1993)

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“Whoa! You’re beach babes from beyond.”
“You bet your ass, man.”

I’m a big fan of David DeCoteau’s early work with Charles Band and Full Moon, but with “Beach Babes from Beyond,” I might have finally found something of his I really dislike. It’s a nineties softcore skin flick (from Band’s softcore label Torchlight Entertainment) that feels like an eighties science fiction comedy. And when I say that it’s softcore, I mean soft. The sex scenes don’t really look like two people have sex so much as they resemble two naked people trying to climb over one another to get in to bed. Not that it matters, since there are only about three sex scenes and they’re not the highlight of the movie, mysteriously.

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Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

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Adapted from the novel that made bored housewives across the world dream of being tortured by the most boring man in the world, “Fifty Shades of Grey” lives up to its reputation. It’s cheap, misogynist, Z grade exploitation masquerading as the romance of a woman trying to tame the ultimate man, who by all accounts should be alone left to his own demented fantasies. It began its life as fan fiction and reads like the cheap fantasies of a bored sexually repressed woman. “Fifty Shades of Grey” is about boring people doing stupid things to one another, and cardboard characters trying to create some sense of tension and conflict that never amounts to anything interesting. “Fifty Shades of Grey” is the film that essentially romanticizes abuse and misogyny as something that’s admirable in a man and can potentially be snuffed out with the right woman by his side.

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Knock Knock (2015)

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I’m stunned it took two screenwriters and Eli Roth to write what is a remake that steals bits from “Funny Games.” This time rather than the nemeses being petulant snot nosed young guys, the villains in this instance are two gorgeous young girls. “Knock Knock” is the least incompetently made film from Roth’s ever growing film library, and that’s due to the fact that it borrows a lot from “Funny Games,” despite being an admitted remake of 1977’s “Death Game.” There isn’t the sly self awareness, but Roth and co. do eventually realize how stupid their story is and then completely ride off the rails by the second half.

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42nd Street Forever: The Peep Show Collection Vol. 10 (DVD)

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Vanessa Del Rio is back for the tenth installment of “42nd Street Forever: The Peep Show Collection”; a smattering of reels and loops from the golden age of porn that titillates and arouses in its rare moments. This installment is a hundred minutes of the best shorts from the grindhouse era, starring folks like Del Rio, Jessie St. James and Susan Nero.

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42nd Street Forever: The Peep Show Collection Vol. 9 (DVD)

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The “42nd Street Forever” group are at it again with another series of loops that are within the two hour range altogether. They feature an assortment of silent porn shorts from group, girl on girl and girl on boy and garner some of the hottest porn stars of the eighties including Kandi Barbour, Aunt Peg, CJ Laing, and Vanessa Del Rio. Continue reading

Snow Honeys (1983) (DVD)

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“Snow Honeys” is less a snow bound bit of stag porn and more a lot of short vignettes set to the frame work of Kara Lott and Ken Starbuck introducing various segments. They’re not all consistent with the opening narration of the couple at a ski lounge, but it’s fun to watch the pair struggle through their introductions. Whether it’s the cold or the exhaustion, their first segment introduction is poorly edited together and seems to have been accomplished with multiple, perhaps dozens, of takes.

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Virgins of Sherwood Forest (2000)

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Don’t you hate it when you hit your head in a fit of rage and end up in Sherwood forest with a bunch of hot buxom women? In all honesty, I’d love that, but surely enough in Surrender Cinema’s “Virgins of Sherwood Forest” you can expect it to happen. One of my favorite erotic stars of all time, Gabriella Hall, plays Roberta, a female director for a music video has to tolerate a bunch of obnoxious sex starved actors.
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