SuperCroc (2007)

supercrocI really can’t understand why companies on tight budgets insist on attempting to create humongous epics on such a small pittance. “Supercroc” is part rip-off of “Primeval,” a part rip-off of “Alligator,” and a part rip-off of “Godzilla.” But mostly, it’s just an animals-on-a-rampage flick typical of low budget fare these days. And as all low budget fare, the animal in question does very little. As I’ve seen with many low budget movies, the film thinks it can base the story around our characters, so the audience won’t notice that the thing they came for only appears every twenty minutes and does very little. And this would be well and good, were the writing worth something. I mean, hell, the first ten minutes of this snooze fest involves soldiers on a mission on… I want to say a lake resort.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

2006_dead_mans_chestTo pretend “The Curse of the Black Pearl” possessed an elaborate, epic story rich in characterization and subtle dialogue, would be to set up all sorts of pretensions. “Dead Man’s Chest” is in the same vein as the former, only slightly more intent on showing its blatant grab for big bucks. Disney ran out of ideas, turned to make their rides into movies and got lucky. Big whoop. “Dead Man’s Chest” is fun, though, and I can’t sweat them for that. Verbinski’s direction is on par as usual, and “Dead Man’s Chest” is a gorgeous epic, with some of the better action scenes that trump the original’s.

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The Halfway House (2004)

5FK3cEddie: Who’s my sweet baby bitch?
Cherry Pie: I am.
Eddie: That’s right.

In the mood for a lesbian horror thriller? Well, who isn’t? And “The Halfway House” will surely cure what ails you. It’s a movie that is so awful, it’s actually quite entertaining, and “The Halfway House” rises to occasion in terms of garbage, but throughout the entire run time, I did enjoy some of it. About thirty percent of it, which would account for the generous rating. It’s cheesy and exploitative, but it’s also pretty fun, especially when the “screenwriter” rips lines from other films (in the climax, the heroine spouts “Smile, you son of a bitch” before killing the monster).

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Starship Troopers 2 – Hero of the Federation (2004)

starship-troopers-2-hero-ofWhat occurs in “Starship Troopers 2” is an odd thing, something that happens very rarely in franchise land. First off, I’ll be the first to admit that the sub-title “Hero of the Federation” makes no sense to me. What is it supposed to mean? Is it supposed to refer to the character Dax? Regardless, I would have preferred something like “Dark Corruption” or something to that effect, something that refers to the plot. What’s odd is, this is so very different from the first film, and that was perplexing to me. I’d read about this movie and about how dark and murky it would be from the original film, but I didn’t expect anything like this. I thought the original film was decent for what it was; a balls to the wall action film without a brain in its head, but I liked it, and I even liked the obscure dark animated series “Roughnecks”, so it’s safe to say the writer strays away from the original formula that made the Verhoeven directed original so successful and decides to take its own route in storytelling.

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Mimic 2 (2001)

mimic-2-creatureRiddle me this: Strip away the science, intelligence, mood, and logic that made the original so unique and what are you left with? This piece of inane tripe. Now, granted I didn’t like the original, but it was much better than this. The movie is heavily dependent upon the creature effects which are sub-par at best. In the straight to video sequel to the original science fiction movie, we meet Remi (Mimic, Blood Work), the character from the original who is now a science teacher at an inner city school.

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