It is a shame that “The Haunted Mansion” has the Eddie Murphy taint all over it. I think there’s a good movie to be made about “The Haunted Mansion” and it doesn’t involve the same old Eddie Murphy tropes we’ve seen in the past fifteen years. Eddie Murphy is once again a dopey work a day man who babbles to himself, and is so self involved he can’t notice his family is right in front of him. It’s the same goofy plot points that count as conflict in Eddie Murphy movies these days. Murphy is one note yet again as workaholic dad Jim Evers, a dopey real estate agent impossibly married to a beautiful woman who is, as always, put upon and ever patient toward his priorities of choosing work over family. When Jim’s wife Sara is called to an old mansion to oversee the property, Jim tags along hoping to garner a sale.
Tag Archives: Horror
The Crooked Man (2016)
It’s shocking how well Jesse Holland’s horror film “The Crooked Man” plays, because Syfy original movies are rarely ever as entertaining as this. “The Crooked Man” is part “Lights Out,” and part “It Follows” with a dash of Creepypasta. When she was twelve, Olivia was at a slumber party and was encouraged by her friends to visit a creepy website where if a nursery rhyme about the dreaded crooked man was read aloud, he’d be invoked. Despite their initial disbelief, Olivia witnesses her friend be viciously murdered by the horrific crooked man and is blamed for her death. Six years later when Olivia comes back in to her home town, she realizes that she’s not entirely welcomed there. What’s worse is that the people that were there that night are being viciously murdered by the horrific Crooked Man, who has a bone to pick with the witnesses that night.
My Top Five “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” Episodes
It’s hard to believe that it’s been twenty five years since “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” premiered on Nickelodeon in the US. The anthology horror series is one of the most fondly remembered kids shows of the 1990s mainly for its creative premises, surprise twists, and deeply entrenched moral lessons that were found in many episodes. The history of “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” is just as interesting as the show itself. It was the launch pad for many very well known actors, and displayed a shocking sense of edge with every episode.
The show thankfully still holds up today as a creepy and creative horror series, and despite some camp here and there, it’s a still a well written anthology with a ton of memorable monsters including Zeebo, The Ghastly Grinner, and the Frozen Ghost. Here are my top five episodes.
Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom (2016) [Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital]
Before he was an iconic horror writer that every horror buff emulated, HP Lovecraft was a young boy named Howard whose imagination kept him company in 1897. After visiting his father in an asylum and consoling him for suffering delusions about monsters and beasts, Howard’s mother gives him his father’s journal to read for fun. Little does Howard know that his father’s journal, which happens to be the Necronomicon, is a portal to a magical world where Howard makes friends with a lot of creatures, all of which are not as they seem. There he makes friends with a squid faced monster that becomes his loyal guard, and has to face a monstrous being known as the Shoggoth in hopes of stopping an unusual queen who wants the Necronomicon.
The Stylist (2016) [Fantastic Fest 2016]
Late at the salon, a stylist works on a regular customer. As she is almost finished, things take a turn for the unusual. As this film is better enjoyed with as few spoilers as possible, its plot will not be discussed any further. Written by Eric Havens based on a story by Jill Gevargizian and directed by Gevargizian, a stylist herself, the film explores a stylist’s obsession with hair and how far she goes in a beautiful manner.
Demon (2015)
Piotr moves to Poland to marry his long-distance girlfriend Zaneta whose immediate family is less than thrilled with the situation but still supportive. As the wedding day approaches, Piotr finds bones in the yard of his marital home. Things take an odd turn and a restless spirit, or dybbuk, possesses the groom. Co-written by Pawel Maslona and director Marcin Wrona, Demon is a slow burn drama with horror elements. The title leads one to believe it would be more straight up horror film but the reality is that it’s a drama about a wedding or marriage that may have been a bad idea to start with and as the film advances and the spirit manifests itself it becomes a battle between people’s feelings and beliefs and people searching for the truth.
The Greasy Strangler (2016) [Horrible Imaginings Film Festival 2016]
An old man, Ronnie, lives with is adult son, Brayden, giving disco tours to gullible customers. Things get a bit greasy when Brayden falls for one of their customers and Ronnie becomes jealous. Their home becomes a sexual battleground and a monster is unleashed onto the public. Co-Written by Toby Harvard and Jim Hosking (who both collaborated on the same short in ABC’s of Death 2) and directed by Jim Hosking for his first full length film, The Greasy Strangler is a mind-melting experience. The film’s humor is apparent from the first scene of the movie and, like the Energizer Bunny, it keeps going and going; quips so not funny that they end up becoming gut rolling, blatant displays of comically sized genitalia and pubic hair, and disgusting food.