Hey Jenny McCarthy, it’s cute you want to take after your hero Lucille Ball, and it’s cute you have aspirations of being funny, but stop. Can you do that for me? Stop trying, and go away. Go away and live on whatever royalties you’re getting from your days on MTV. You’re not hot when you’re farting everywhere, and you never were. You’re not funny, and you never will be. I appreciate your willingness to pretend you’re outrageous, but why do you keep making a fool of yourself? It’s really embarrassing. “Dirty Love” is sad, only because it’s the last efforts of a failed comedienne to show audiences how “quirky” and “outrageous” she can be, and she does this by making a really bad movie.
Tag Archives: Romance
Stomp! Shout! Scream! (2005)
I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the concept of how independent filmmakers with limited resources are so able to achieve the sixties camp value and genuine atmosphere of the kitschy sock hop era so easily, and yet studios with bloated budgets really can’t hit that mark. “Stomp! Shout! Scream!” is a well done fifties throwback that kept me engrossed from the opening musical montage that hit the mark without much effort. And I dare you not to tap your feet to the catchy theme song entitled—well—“Stomp! Shout! Scream!”
Valiant (2005)
Messenger pigeons were a crucial aspect to the victory of World War 2, and an integral foundation to the survival of the soldiers on the battlefield. “Valiant” is a fun adventure story revolving around messenger pigeons during the Second World War, and it’s surprisingly entertaining. I know it’d be hip to describe “Valiant” as simply lackluster, but I had fun, I had a lot fun, and there are possible reasons for it: I love the British culture, so I have a weakness for anything involving it. I love British comedy. And I love British comedians, and the cast is filled with nothing but talented, legendary British actors and comedians. I mean with cast of Ewan McGregor, Ricky Gervais, Hugh Laurie, Jim Broadbent, Tim Curry, John Cleese, and many, many more, how could I not enjoy this film? And I did.
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
About a little under a year ago, a filmmaker named Russell Emanuel sent over a film called “Girl with Gun”, about a single girl who has to balance her single life, career, and job as a hit man all at the same time. I loved that movie and it was a little under twenty minutes long. That film, an independent film, was fun, light, and breezy and managed to grasp its concept with enough entertaining novelty, that it felt too damn short. With “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, I didn’t get that feeling. And I wanted to enjoy it, I really, really did. But I couldn’t. And why? Well, mostly because “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” takes itself much too seriously. One thing I can’t begrudge “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” for is its excellent direction.
Mysterious Skin (2004)
The most frightening tales of the world, regardless of genre, be it horror, or drama, is always childhood trauma and abuse. Childhood trauma stories are always the most universally disturbing such as “A Tale of Two Sisters,” “Radio Flyer,” or “Mystic River,” because they always reach down and connect with us, no matter what occurs to the characters. Stories told through the child’s point of view always manage to bring the audience closer and makes us feel much more capable of relating even if the situation before us isn’t one that’s ever happened to us.
Yes (2005)
“Maybe there isn’t a design”, the cleaner examines to her audience, but then maybe there is. Maybe there’s a god and this is all a large plan, but maybe there isn’t and this all just random, then what of our existence and how we can leaves traces of ourselves long after we’ve died? “It doesn’t end when we’ve died”, the cleaner declares. Shirley Henderson gives a fascinating performance as “the cleaner” an entity who hovers around everyone in their household and cleans and wipes up after them and could very well be a ghost because she’s just a watcher.
Everwood Series Finale: Foreverwood
It’s been four years, four years on the WB. When “Smallville” premiered, I remember seeing the previews for “Everwood” and thought, “What the hell? I’ll give it a shot.” I never really thought it would become a ritual every week. “Everwood”, a casualty of the upcoming merge of the WB and UPN, is proof positive that television executives have no clue what quality programming is. After a long hiatus, and many time slot changes, the executives decided “It’s ratings were too low” (explain the logic behind that) and cut it down from the fall’s schedule. Which is not to say “Everwood” wasn’t sliding. “Everwood” was an excellent show, but became much too bogged down in melodrama and began lacking the spirit and small town quirkiness the first three seasons had.