This is the day in the life, the day in the life of some clerks. These clerks work at a local store which never gets much business yet they still manage to experience many crazy customers and have stories to tell. No, this isn’t a Kevin Smith movie, but “Kisses and Caroms” really wishes it were. I like the fact that people tend to think every profession sports a slew of assorted characters and various nuts, but that’s just not life; life is not filled with nuts and outlandish weirdo’s who trot in and out to give you a hard time. Thanks a lot Kevin Smith, you prick. So instead of a video and convenience store we instead focus on a group of clerks who work at a billiard store.
Tag Archives: Romance
Lady in the Water (2006)
M. Night Shyamalan is nothing if not ambitious; I mean he creates films like a child seeking to spin his own stories in his own universe that could form a canon for aspiring filmmakers to launch from, and his vision gets in the way of his film and his fairy tale spins on its own while the film struggles to keep up. I enjoyed most of the fairy tale Shyamalan invents here involving a creature that can camouflage as grass, a mermaid, a giant eagle, and monkeys. If you’re wondering about his famous and infamous surprise ending, there isn’t one. There’s just one plot twist that’s interesting, and that’s all, so I won’t ruin much here. Continue reading
John Tucker Must Die (2006)
Dear Brittany Snow,
I love you. And I want you to know it. I’ve loved you since “American Dreams”, and have ever since. I’d gladly listen to a continuous loop of “Secret Lover” as sung by Kevin Federline, and William Hung just to have the chance to eat grapes off of your ass crack and confess my unrequited love to thee while you parade yourself in the red silk lingerie you’re featured in midway. Yes, this is true. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. You say creepy, but I say lovelorn. I’m only human, damn it!
And we’re back.
Supercross (2005)
If you needed any verification towards the quality of “Supercross” you need look no further than the first ten minutes. After our character narrates that he and his brother are close, and that just because they’re close doesn’t mean they never compete, and that their father dreamed of having them as Supercross stars, we’re subjected to a nearly ten minute long opening featuring a montage of motocross sequences set to a dramatic scores and flickering credits. Oh joy. And then there’s the actual film after the stunt show. We’re dragged along with pool cleaners whom rely on their jobs and have nothing else in their lives except their job, which they rely on, and their bikes.
Serial Killing 4 Dummys (Serial Killing 101) (2004)
This is just one of those movies that are so bad, they’re just damn good. The quality, filming locations, bad acting, and nonsensical story all pretty much made for a film that shouldn’t be taken too seriously by the audience and should be approached with an open mind. It’s pretty obvious that the makers attempted to make a real slasher, but then, halfway, decided to just make a satire, which is why this has two movie syndrome, where one half of the film feels so different from the second half. What starts off feeling like another slasher film inevitably becomes a cheesy, campy, dark comedy about killing.
Clerks II (2006)
“Shit, now where am I going to brings girls to fuck?” asks Randall upon witnessing the video store in flames. Gee, how utterly hip, edgy, and hard rock of him to say. Oh Smith, “How doth thou sucketh”, said the lord. Hey, I enjoyed the “Clerks” animated series, but alas that’s as far as my love goes for the “Clerks” franchise extends. The first one was an entertaining albeit mediocre comedy and then movie fans proceeded, and continue to give Smith a continuous hand job in terms of his career that has continued well into his thirties, and “Clerks II” is a listless sequel with the usual cast appearances and pop culture gags that drop like a deflated balloon.
Frankenstein's Bloody Nightmare (2006)
“Frankenstein’s Bloody Nightmare” basically has its head on tight with intentions of being both experimental and surreal, and in many respects, Director Hand knows how to convey both a nightmarish and surrealist theme with a hazy picture that drifts from plain and sterile to multi-colored and intense. Hand’s film has a very noticeable Lynchian feel as yet another take on the Doctor Frankenstein character. Hand’s film is a pure mixture of sixties psychedelic grind house exploring the sheer utter madness behind a man seeking to help his wife.