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Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

ttt_buffy-560x300Yes, it’s not the vision that Joss Whedon had originally planned, but you know what? “Buffy” was just too ahead of its time and eventually found its place with the cult favorite series. But that’s not to say that the original 1992 movie isn’t any fun, either. Taken as a stand alone horror comedy, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” actually manages to be a creepy, twisted, and very funny take on the vampire slayer mold, teaming an ass kicking valley girl against vampires. And Kristy Swanson is a better Buffy than Sarah Michelle Gellar. Teeming with 90’s paraphernalia, “Buffy” is dated, but definitely one of the better attempts at mixing vampires with comedy.

Surely enough it’s also a good gateway drug for anyone that wants to delve in to the horror genre without bathing in unnecessary gore, and heavy sexual themes. This variation of “Buffy” is “Clueless” meets “Lost Boys,” with Kristy Swanson playing the titular Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Cursed with visions and dreams of a past life involving a young girl seduced and eventually murdered by a vampire, Buffy slowly realizes her world is changing around her. Especially considering that the pains she’s experiencing are being accompanied by her sudden heightened strength, agility, endurance, and advanced senses. Buffy just wants to be a normal shallow valley girl whose world revolves around school dances and boys, but she eventually meets Merrick.

As played by Donald Sutherland, he proclaims she is one in a long line of vampire slayers, and is destined to guide her in her battle against the forces of darkness and the supernatural by acting as her “watcher.” Meanwhile, the immortal vampire Lothos has risen and begins feasting on local high schoolers, while Buffy realizes she has to train and eventually face off against the dreaded vampire master and his minions. “Buffy” has its share of problems, especially considering the fact that the entire grand plot of Lothos seems hellbent on eating Buffy and nothing more. All the while the face off and eventual death of the villainous vampire is abrupt and unsatisfying. I was also never sure how anyone would explain the vampires, but director Fran Rubel Kuzui approaches the material with absurdity so it’s a footnote that’s glossed over.

In either case, “Buffy” still entertains greatly, thanks to its hilarious script and slew of top notch performances. Luke Perry is fun as Buffy’s ally Oliver, while Kristy Swanson kills it as the sexy, smart alecky, and tough as nails Buffy. There’s also Donald Sutherland who is fun as Merrick, while Paul Ruebens is laugh out loud hilarious as Lothos’ second in command vampire Amilyn. He plays the role like Evil from “Fright Night” if he ever grew in to the role of blood sucker. While it’s been noted much of the dialogue is improvised, Reubens has fun the role, while also playing the resident punching bag. I still cackle at many of the one-liners, as well as Amilyn’s refusal to die after being staked. I also really find the martial arts throwdown between Buffy and the vampire minions in the fog pretty damn sleek. “Buffy” serves more as a fun guilty pleasure, but one that chooses to embrace the absurdity and run with it, as opposed to Whedon’s series that embraced the irony and wit.

Motel Hell (1980): Collector’s Edition [Blu-Ray/DVD]

I’ve seen “Motel Hell” almost five times in the last two years and goodness knows I’ve tried so hard to love it. At risk of getting my horror fan boy card revoked, I sincerely do not like “Motel Hell.” Kevin Connors’ horror comedy is a silly and often dull attempt to ape “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” I’m one who has often found much of what unfolds in “Motel Hell” absolutely dull and monotonous with the attempts at absurdity kind of forced and tedious. It’s almost like “Eaten Alive” where there’s another effort to catch lightning in a bottle that just doesn’t quite hit its mark. And I’d still rather see Tobe Hooper’s “Eaten Alive” than ever really re-watch “Motel Hell” ever again.

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Rifftrax: Cool as Ice (1991)

Full Disclosure: A screener for “Rifftrax: Cool as Ice” was sent to us legally for review purposes.

Mocking “Cool as Ice” is a Herculean task even for the guys at Rifftrax. The movie is such a straight faced movie filled with inexplicable montages and horrific writing, not to mention star Vanilla Ice is such an empty void, it’s a challenge to ridicule him when the occasion calls for it. “Cool as Ice” is still as awful as ever, and while the episode from the Riff Trax gang isn’t their best, it’s still filled with a ton of one liners that will inspire raucous laughter.

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Last Action Hero (1993) (DVD)

I know a lot of people argue that “Last Action Hero” was ahead of its time, but I’d wager a bet we’ll likely never see a time where it’d be considered genius. Director John McTiernan matched with Arnold Schwarzenneger bring movie fans an action movie that never knows what it wants to be. It’s too straight faced to be considered satire, too silly to be taken as an action movie, too menacing to be a kids film, and too juvenile for hardcore Schwarzenneger fans. Yes, even more juvenile than “Kindergarten Cop.”Most of “Last Action Hero” can never decide on putting Schwarzenneger’s character in to the background. Considering he’s mostly just a fictional character that young Danny Madigan worships whenever he visits the theaters, it’s jarring the film basically begins on Jack Slater and his adventures.

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Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver (2011)

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Well, if the writers don’t give a shit anymore, why should we? “Gingerdead Man” has seemingly given up trying after the first film, so I’ve given up trying to make sense of anything that’s happening in this movie series. When last we saw Gingerdead Man he was trolling a movie studio killing actors and directors for some reason. Now he’s being held in a prison with other psychotic baked goods. Spoofing “Silence of the Lambs,” he meets with female detective who wants his help in a case. It’s an obvious satire sans the laughs, but we now know there are other psychotic baked goods out there.

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Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

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There’s nothing funny about nuclear war. Unless you’re Stanley Kubrick, Peter Sellers, and George C. Scott and then, okay, it’s hysterical. Director Stanley Kubrick opts this time for a darkly satirical and often menacing film about American politics and what happens when the wrong orders are put out that will eventually bring the world to its knees. When America’s officials retreat to “The War Room” to sort out this nagging problem, Buck Turgidson and President Merkin Muffley attempt to find a course of action that will please all parties.

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The Starving Games (2013)

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Friedberg and Seltzer’s “The Starving Games,” because we haven’t seen enough fucking jokes about “the most interesting man in the world”! The only advantage to watching “The Starving Games” (beyond Maiara Walsh) is that the Beavis and Butthead of comedy film making seem to be operating on a lower budget, thus the piss poor effects perfectly reflect the utterly piss poor comedy.

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