It was no surprise to me that “The Island” was dumb. It was idiotic, it was ludicrous, it was moronic, and it was every other homonym for the word stupid I can think of. It’s Michael Bay for crying out loud. I was actually looking forward to Bay’s most recent shit pile, only because it seemed to have an original concept to it, but man, whatever potential this has to be a story about life, and exploring the world beyond what we’re presented with is thrown out the window thirty minutes in, when it becomes a typical stunt show.
So, after an okay last season of “Project Greenlight” with Cleftatron Affleck, and Dimples Damon you probably wonder: “Did they actually spit a good movie from this show?” Well, I’ll say this: Even the goose shits a few times before laying a golden egg, and “Feast” is shockingly the golden egg after the two previous shits that were “The Battle of Shaker Heights” and “Stolen Summer.” Shocked? I still am. A group of strangers, the middle of nowhere, a rundown bar, a grizzled bartender, and an ass load of monsters. Sound familiar to you, doesn’t it?
It’s almost like watching teenagers act out “The Deep” on a student theater stage somewhere, because in the end, “Kraken” is basically just that. It’s a very low rent and C grade variation of “The Deep,” minus the compelling story, and wonderful characterization. And oh yes, there’s the small case of the acting and lack thereof. This low rent thief stars two people whom will garner two reactions from you. One will be “Who?” while the other will be “O-h-h-h-h-h… who?” Victoria Pratt, or as I call her “The hot chick from the crappy X-men show,” stars in “Kraken” as a marine biologist looking for an underwater treasure. Stop me, if you’ve heard this one.