You Have to See This! Bikini Academy (1996)

Posted on August 1, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

Odds are you probably saw “Bikini Academy” in the heyday of late night cable television. It was once a proud institution. Otherwise known as “Babe Watch: Forbidden Parody,” the adult comedy likens itself as a “Baywatch” spoof. In reality there isn’t anything that spoofs or satirizes “Baywatch” save for the fact that most of the movie is set in the beach. In fact almost every shot is filmed during the middle of a sunny day smack dab in the middle of a beach. Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

Lucki and her friend Ty-Dy work day to day in a bikini shop and aspire to compete for a job as their local beach’s lifeguards. Training with an uptight drill instructor and hunky trained lifeguard Brock, the two pursue the opportunity in hopes that it can open up their aspirations for modeling and acting. Meanwhile rival Bodacia seeks the job in hopes of improving her modeling career, and will do whatever she can to win, including rigging the contest. That doesn’t sit well with Lucki who has a genuine affection for him, despite his indifference toward her.

And there are boobs. Lots of boobs.

I can think of worse things than watching Kelli Hoffman or Tane McClure for ninety minutes. With small budgets and some pretty crummy actors, Rick Sloane has been able to pull of a pretty great film career with some entertaining schlock. Everything from the silly “Vice Academy” series to the craptastic “Hobgoblins” has managed to achieve some bit of cult fame down the road; especially the latter. Seriously, go watch the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” episode of “Hobgoblins.” It’s one of the funniest two hours of television ever made. That said, “Bikini Academy” is not a spoof or satire, it’s just a really silly C grade sex comedy set on a beach.

I think Rick Sloane probably assumed this kind of beach sex romp would fare well in 1996, which is too bad since movies of this ilk became painfully out of style by 1990. I think in 1986, this might have been just a slight cult classic, rather than simply a cheap sex comedy that you wouldn’t miss, either way. Mind you, “Bikini Academy” is a rare movie from Rick Sloane that is softcore schlock and embraces that fact, but it’s not an experience you have to have. There’s no real up and comer like Johnny Depp in “Private Resort.” It’s just a very raunchy comedy that pulls off some occasional giggles and splashes almost every scene with curvy women in small bikinis.

It doesn’t really try to be anything else but a cheapy schlock, putting gorgeous women in the film front and center, while they compete with one another for a position as a local lifeguard. Sloane’s movie is so thin in concept that he apparently runs out of story after the first forty five minutes and begins staging softcore sex scenes set to library music. You know the kind of scenes I talk about if you ever watched Cinemax After Dark. Yes, it was probably good fodder for late night cable syndication, but it becomes obvious writer-director Sloane is padding the run time as much as he can to fit a ninety minute running time.

“Bikini Academy” revels in its low budget to deliver some of the goofiest comedy and action ever put to film. The characters have to go through a series of “Revenge of the Nerds” like trials and performances that will make them eligible for a big position as a lifeguard and a highly coveted job that will grant them some opportunities. This is especially fortunate for villainous Bodacia, who is hell bent on winning the contest to improve her modeling career. She takes every measure to win, including bedding a judge or two. Along the way the potential lifeguards also have to help the occasional swimmer, including one woman who very nearly gets dragged in to the water by what is obviously a rubber giant squid.

And in case you doubt director Sloane, you can make out the fake wobbling squid under the water as our stunt actress tries to desperately break free from its tentacles. It’s such an inexplicable scene tacked on for absolutely no rationale that you’ll giggle for a bit and then scratch your head baffled. The laughs don’t stop there. As villain Bodacia looks for a cause to bring to the competition to compete for the job of lifeguard, she conveniently finds a single marlin on the beach covered in oil, and decides to use it as an issue to fight for. Forget how nothing else on the beach is covered in oil, but the fish is so obviously a prop that it’s stiff as a board.

Who knew fish get rigor mortis? Or maybe Tane McClure is just that hot. Rick Sloane must know what everyone watching this movie does, because Kelli Hoffman is not only the hottest woman in the movie, but she manages to steal every single scene she’s shares with the cast. Despite only having a small supporting role, and popping up every now and then, every time she does, it’s a treat for the eyes. The real attraction though is Steven Todd Lange as love interest Brock. His performance here is so stilted and rigged, it feels like director Sloane pulled him out of his office during lunch to read some lines and pretend to be invested in his role.

Rick Sloane relies on a steady formula of repeating the same beats again and again: there’s some kind of cat fight between Tane McClure and heroine Raelynn Saalman, someone makes a few sex jokes and double entendres, there’s a few peeks of women in tight bikinis and Kelli Hoffman looks for any excuse to stroll by on screen. In the end, it all feels like Rick Sloane was still stuck in the mid-eighties, and what comes up is a fairly solid diversion that drips gratuitous schlock at every turn. There’s big breasts, big squids, and a running gag centered on corn, for some reason. It’s a classic Rick Sloane oddity.

Seoul Station (2016) [Fantasia International Film Festival 2016]

Posted on August 1, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

“If I had a place to go… I wouldn’t have stayed at Seoul Station.”

Yeon Sang-ho’s animated prequel to the excellent zombie action film “Train to Busan” is every bit as terrifying as its successor, and occasionally much more intelligent and biting in its social commentary. While “Train to Busan” is a very emotional look at class warfare and how the society divides in the time of crisis, “Seoul Station” is a very evocative commentary on the poverty crisis in the world. This horrific zombie virus is able to thrive thanks to the massive homeless population in South Korea, and it’s confronted more than once in how the government views its homeless as animals and sub-human even before the flesh eating ghouls appear.

Continue reading →

Mother’s Day (2016) [Blu-Ray/Digital]

Posted on August 1, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

Sadly, ever since “Love Actually” became a standard of the holiday, Hollywood has enlisted hokey melodrama director Garry Marshall to give us a new holiday based ensemble piece of garbage almost every year. “Mother’s Day” is the latest insidious melodrama about a group of very rich, very healthy Caucasian people bickering about how hard their lives are. One character played by Jennifer Aniston, even decides to throw a humongous party for her sons, just because. Man, can you imagine what would happen if these people ever stepped out of their bubbles? “Mother’s Day” is about mother’s day, the mother of all holidays, everyone seems to be obsessed with mother’s day, and they talk about mother’s day because, mothers!

Continue reading →

Battledream Chronicle (2016) [Fantasia International Film Festival 2016]

Posted on July 30, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

I was a bit mixed on French anime “Battledream Chronicle” until the very end. I love the concept from Alain Bidard. It’s a very unusual mix of “Tron” and “The Matrix” where world decisions and lives are based around a virtual reality game based around gladiators and battling that results in actual lives lost. Set in the year 2100, humankind has managed to achieve paradise, but that’s been taken away by an evil computer AI. The computer has recruited various warriors from across the world to compete for the fate of their country. The team Mortemonde is on the verge of dominating the world after winning endless tournaments, and it’s up to Syanna to compose the perfect team to stop AI and give the world its freedom back.

“Battledream Chronicle” has a very unique idea that could be developed in to such a remarkable film, but in the end I had a difficult time finishing. Bidard takes such a long time developing any kind of characters and spends an obscene amount of time building up to the finale. For some inexplicable reason, entrenches us in to the middle of politics and characters bouncing dialogue off of one another, and how much is at stake if heroine Syanna doesn’t choose the proper teammates to take in to combat. I loved a lot of the concepts behind this digital tournament, including the soldiers that rule over it, and the weapons that are handed to the various gladiators to take in to combat. I wanted to know so much more about this bits and pieces.

But Bidard takes us more mystical here and there, relying on a lot of symbols and icons to represent various weapons, and conveying this digital world as something that’s one step up to achieving a higher state of mind. You’d think that would amount to a rich and complex fantasy, but I found it pretty muddled and I didn’t think there was enough glimpses in to the digital realm of Farandjun as there should have been. That said, “Battledream Chronicle” should be applauded for employing a large cast of minority heroes, including main character Syanna, who is African American. There’s also the wonderful animation which really compliments the quasi-futuristic aesthetic that kept the film walking the line between hard science fiction and dark fantasy.

I’d suggest checking this out if you’re a science fiction fan prone to experimenting and dabbling in more out of the ordinary fare. I found it fairly mediocre and severely lacking in action and excitement.

The Alchemist Cookbook (2016) [Fantasia International Film Festival 2016]

Posted on July 30, 2016 by Emilie Black

A man trying to survive in a shack in the woods plays with alchemy to discover an ancient secret to a better life. Inadvertently, he summons a dangerous being who doesn’t take too kindly to his dealings. The Alchemist cookbook is written and directed by Joel Potrykus who is known for independent horror films shot in Michigan and who considers his style in the vein of Jim Jarmusch which is something each viewer can judge for themselves, but this reviewer did not really see that.

Here he crafts a fairly slow boil of a film. It starts with an alchemy cooking sequence set to a great track, giving the impression that it might be an upbeat, fast moving film, but it soon becomes clear that the lead, Sean, is a paranoid man playing with forces he doesn’t fully understand. Unfortunately, past that opening scene, the film feels slow and like it might need some extra oomph or perhaps to be edited differently. It’s not boring but it’s not enthralling either.

The cast for this small budget is, well, small. The lead of Sean is played by Ty Hickson who does great as the paranoid, perhaps desperate, man trying his hand at alchemy. His performance here is good and worth seeing and he proves he can carry a complete movie on his own as the only other actor has only a few scenes and those scenes are always with him. In the only other human role in the film is Amari Cheaton as Cortez a typical gangbanger who tries to help his friend Sean while also getting himself into trouble. His performance feels more exaggerated and caricatured while less on point than Ty Hickson’s. The last cast member listed is Fiji as Kaspar (the cat), as is usually the case with cats, he does a fabulous job while remaining rather nonchalant about the whole thing.

The film has some nice bits of science alchemy and some good effects. The last third does amp up the horror factor and what can be seen is well done and executed. These special effects are by Jeffery Husselman with visual effects by Scott Baisden and Daniel Falicki.

Also worth noting are the cinematography and the soundtrack. The cinematography by Adam J. Minnick does a great job at making all outdoors images feel desolate in their settings while the indoors shots feel cramped to go with small shack the lead lives in. This adds to the atmosphere here and is very well done.

The soundtrack for this film is mostly provided by way of an old tape deck that the lead character uses. The song choices and what is fast forwarded tell a lot about the character, which makes him feel real, more like the crazy, paranoid version of someone every viewer knows. His musical choices also reflect his internal turmoil, by letting him “choose” those songs, something so few films do.

The Alchemist cookbook is not a bad film but it has issues with pacing and with sections of the story feeling like filler. The acting by the lead is good and he carries the film well. The music is his best supporting character, but it’s not enough to make this reviewer want to see it again or be able to fully recommend it.

Fantasia International Film Festival runs from July 14^th until August 3^rd, 2016.

The Lure (2015) [Fantasia International Film Festival 2016]

Posted on July 29, 2016 by Emilie Black

Sirens attracted by a musician playing on the beach seduce him and his band into taking them in. With them, they become part of the entertainment at a night club while openly being sirens. When one of the girls falls for an earthly boy, she wants to trade her tail for legs, no matter the cost.

Written by Robert Bolestro, The Lure follows two siren sisters, Golden and Silver, as they navigate life on dry land. The story he builds here is interesting and entertaining with lead characters that attract attention and keep it. The story takes some unexpected turns and some less so, but all of them are fun to watch (even the ones less fun for the characters). The ending (no worries, no spoilers) is touching without being schmaltzy. Directing this modern fairytale is Agnieszka Smoczynska who takes the script and turns it into a kind of film version of a Bjork video. She creates a colorfully loud film in some scenes and a subdued one (color-wise) in others.

The way she shoots a domestic fight or an operation is fantastic and something this reviewer has not seen many times before (and I have seen thousands of films). Many scenes are shot in unexpected and original ways, making the film very unique. Adding to these directorial choices is the cinematography by Jakub Kijowski complementing the story and framing every image perfectly. The way this film is shot brings out its peculiar, exciting scenes and contrasts them excellently with the darker ones.

Playing the sirens are Marta Mazureka as Silver (Srebrna) and Michalina Olszanska as Gold (Zwota), both giving great performances. Mazurek shows her soft side, playing the more innocent siren who falls for a human. The way she develops her character is sweet and makes the viewers care about her like a little sister. Olszanska plays the other sister, more bold and mean almost. She brings out the killer side of sirens with gleeful abandon making her performance mesmerizing. One of the support characters stands out form the rest due to the actress’ performance, Wokalistka Krysia, the mom-type character who takes the girls in.

This performance by Kinga Preis is fantastic and layered. She shows the character’s vulnerability and her caring side, than switches to the performer side when her character hits the stage and commands attention, almost stealing scenes from the girls at times. A few of her performance pieces were reminiscent of LuLu.

Also more than worth the price of the ticket is the special effects for the sirens’ tails. They look as real as can be, with fishy scales and some glistening. They are beautiful and grab the attention. There is also some juicy, gooey gore in the aforementioned surgery scene that looks good. Unfortunately, the IMDB page for The Lure has no special effects or visual effects credits.

The Lure is a comedy/drama/musical/horror and as the sirens are singers being taken in by a band the music is highly important. The numbers and performances on screen with the band and then with the girls are fun, flamboyant at times, and highly entertaining. The pop songs are catchy and do not overstay their welcome while the choreography by Kaya Kolodziejczyk and Jaroslaw Staniek adds some sexiness to the girls’ already alluring performances.

The Lure is a great film, like a long form music video that works, reminiscent of Bjork and Mylene Farmer with a true Polish spirit. It offers a lot and is fun while remaining touching. It must be noted that it is Polish cinema’s first musical. The whole crowd at Fantasia ate it up and come out talking about what they had just seen.

Fantasia International Film Festival runs from July 14^th to August 3^rd, 2016.

I, Olga Hepranova (2016) [Fantasia International Film Festival 2016]

Posted on July 29, 2016 by Emilie Black

What pushes someone to once day decide they have had enough and that the only solution to be understood is to commit mass murder?

In 1973, in Prague (Czech Republic), 22 year old Olga Hepranova drove a truck into a waiting crowd, hitting 25 people and killing 8 of them. The film is the story of how Hepranova got to this massacre. Taking on the hard task of writing this story for the screen without falling into sensationalism or exploitation, writers Roman Cilek, Tomas Weinreb, and Petr Kazda, they took a delicate subject and turned it into a touching and beautiful story of a girl who feels as though she is being bullied and who has a long period of bad luck.

After long enough of asking for help and not receiving it, she decides to take drastic measures. They do not build Hepranova as a martyr or anti-hero but simply as a complex human being in need of help. Directors Petr Kasda and Tomas Weinreb took this script they co-wrote and turned it into a beautifully sad tale of a woman who possible could have been saved. The way they shot the film, in tandem with cinematographer Adam Kozakl in black and white and with very somber tomes is sublime. It takes this very heavy subject matter and make it bearable to watch. They craft a film that mesmerizes its audience while making them just a bit uncomfortable.

As so much of the film rests on her shoulders, the part of Olga Hepranova had to be cast perfectly. Actress Michalina Olszanska (mesmerizing in The Lure) was chosen and she is perfectly gloomy and fantastic. She clearly understood the depth and seriousness of the part, never over acting, always giving her all and stepping in Hepranova’s shoes, no matter how uncomfortable the process looks. She loses herself in the part and shows tremendous talent, proving that she is a start to keep watching. The rest of the cast is also very good to great with one stand, Klara Meliskova, as Olga’s cold, unloving mother.

She shows how one woman can be there and take care of basic needs for her child while showing absolutely no love or affection toward that child. Most characters are played as cruel or cold, except for the character of Miroslav, a man who tries to help Olga but has his own problems. This part is played by Martin Pechlat who brings a bit of light to the film by not being as serious as the rest of the cast. However, this is not in a funny or goofy way, but by showing just the right amount of light, even though highly flawed, to Olga’s life and the film.

The film is a must for fans of 70s Eastern Europe. The costumes by Aneta Grnakova and the art direction by Alexandr Kozak are perfectly on point. They give a great idea of what Prague and its people looked like in 1973. They do a very detailed job, bringing the era to life. I, Olga Hepranova is a somber film with a dark subject that is a part of Czech history. It was important that filmmakers behind the film pay attention to details and that they be careful to not over-dramatize the story. They do this while creating a perfectly gloomy film that should make any audience feel something.

The very timely subject matter of a mass murderer running people over with a truck is unfortunate but it should not keep people from seeing this film when the genre, style, or subject matter is something they would like to watch. This is not a film that is a feel good one; on the contrary, it’s depressing, sad, and beautiful.