At eighty five minutes in length, if you took out thirty minutes from “The Impaler” you really wouldn’t notice anything missing. I’m not even kidding, what’s drawn out to a painful degree in eighty five minutes could be told in fifty minutes, and we wouldn’t be subjected to a lot of the alleged scares that occur. The movie is so bad that it rips off “Spellcaster,” and hilariously its budget is so low it can’t even rip off the cheesy effects involved with the haunted castle that ensue.
Author Archives: Felix Vasquez
Five Great Contemporary Dance Movies
Yesterday the trailer for “Step Up 4” or “Step Up: All In” hit the net, and we were psyched to see the movie return with some of the series best characters. There will be plenty of dancing, and a lot of excellent choreography and that’s all the fans care about with these movies. They’re fun entertaining films, and we’re definitely in on the new installment. In honor of the upcoming sequel, here are five great contemporary dance films.
Last Action Hero (1993) (DVD)
I know a lot of people argue that “Last Action Hero” was ahead of its time, but I’d wager a bet we’ll likely never see a time where it’d be considered genius. Director John McTiernan matched with Arnold Schwarzenneger bring movie fans an action movie that never knows what it wants to be. It’s too straight faced to be considered satire, too silly to be taken as an action movie, too menacing to be a kids film, and too juvenile for hardcore Schwarzenneger fans. Yes, even more juvenile than “Kindergarten Cop.”Most of “Last Action Hero” can never decide on putting Schwarzenneger’s character in to the background. Considering he’s mostly just a fictional character that young Danny Madigan worships whenever he visits the theaters, it’s jarring the film basically begins on Jack Slater and his adventures.
Airplane vs. Volcano (2014)
The Kondelik brothers’ “Airplane vs. Volcano” sadly doesn’t feature a sentient volcano battling an airplane that talks like KIT from “Knight Rider.” It’s instead a movie very much in the vein of the classic 1970’s disaster movies, with classic TV stars and all. When all was said and done, it watches like an extended episode of a daytime soap opera, with a premise that feels suspiciously like a retread of “Airplane!” Also, Robin Givens is still very beautiful.
Camp Nowhere (1994)
The kids romp “Camp Nowhere” is yet another of the many “Home Alone” clones of the nineties that provides us with kids smarter than actual working adults that happen in to a situation both extraordinary and fantastic. What kid wouldn’t want to make their own summer camp and do what they want rather than stick to schedules, structure and physical activities? “Camp Nowhere” works mainly as a film you have to suspend disbelief for, if only because it’s hard to believe any of these adults could be fooled by children. But then in the nineties every kid was at least ten times smarter than any adult, and they knew their way around the world.
Fond Nostalgia for “Charles in Charge”
It’s funny that even today when my taste is a lot more discerning, I’m very prone to experimenting with television shows. I’m extremely judgmental towards reality shows, but when it applies to sitcoms or animation, I’m very open minded. If you’ve ever seen an “original” sitcom from Nickelodeon’s Nick at Nite line up, you’ll know that you really have to be experimental to watch what they feed their audience. Their sitcoms are shockingly safe, often very bland, and have yet to really break any ground in entertainment. We had a claymation family show, a show about a step mother, and “See Dad Run” which was Scott Baio doing sitcoms again. The show was pretty mediocre all things considered, and I’m not too shocked it’s being cancelled by Nick at Nite.
Adjust Your Tracking: The Untold Story of the VHS Collector (2013)
Dan M. Kinem and Levi Peretic really manage to pay amazing respect to VHS collectors with “Adjust Your Tracking,” an entertaining and raucous documentary that chronicles the joys and pitfalls of VHS collecting. Kinem and Peretic are the founders of one of my favorite websites “VHShitfest” and put their rabid love for the VHS format to use by profiling some of the most hardcore VHS collectors in America. The interviews and glimpses in to the collecting of the arguably defunct format never lull, and directors Kinem and Peretic manage to really give audiences a look at why this is such an appealing past time.