“Death Warrant,” “Undisputed,” and “Enter the Dragon.” If you’ve seen those films then there’s a good chance you won’t need to see the oddly titled “Ring of Death” which is a simultaneous nod and derivation of the aforementioned with none of the charm of either of them. “Ring of Death” is a movie with every such potential to be a fun guy’s action film, and fails to be nothing more than a sub-par television movie with the illusion of edge embedded into its rather predictable story. The writers never really provide us with the slightest bit of originality, opting instead to rely on our familiarity with the action genre.
Author Archives: Felix Vasquez
The Next Food Network Star: Season 4, Episode One
You’re allowed to call me a hypocrite, a phony, and a two face because: I saw the entire season three of “The Next Food Network Star.” And I watched it religiously. And I liked it. And voted for the finalists after that obnoxious Hispanic dude bowed out. Go ahead, chuck your insults at me. I’ll wait. I deserve, but damn I love the Food Network. And, in my defense, there was one contestant named Rory Schepisi who was hot as bloody hell, and lost out to a less talented and charismatic woman, but whaddya gonna do? No offense to Amy, of course. “The Next Food Network Star” season four now begins, and I’m hooked yet again. For those interested, yes, episode one begins with a bang a la artificial melodrama. Yes, I’m one of you now, the people I judge and look down on.
In Plain Sight
Ah yes, it’s another show on cable about a super woman who is really just a regular person when she’s with her family, or in her personal life. She mothers everyone, talks back to her superiors, and even has a “Moonlighting” relationship with her hunky partner. And on the outside, she’s a professional risking her life as a Witness Protection Officer relocating witnesses who, well, witness something corroborating, and must be relocated. She’s a not so nice person though, and prefers to act on her gut instead of follow procedure (you know how the song goes!), and this gets her into trouble. But I wasn’t too down on “In Plain Sight,” because while it’s better suited for Lifetime, Mary McCormack finally gets a good vehicle that allows us to see what her supporting performances over the years, haven’t.
The Walking Dead #49
For the last time, that’s not zombie Rick Carl is leading on the cover of “The Walking Dead #49.” If Rick was a zombie, he’d be chasing after Carl and trying to eat him, who cares how close he was to him as a human? Either way, Kirkman manages to stir up controversy and heavy debating yet again with this issue, but damn if it isn’t a good one. Kirkman has a lot of questions to answer, and I have a feeling he’s going to in 50, but for all the inherent excellence this issue has, it’s pretty much just filler.
Inside (À l'intérieur) (2007)
I don’t think I can named a modern horror film that’s come so close to classic Giallo as “Inside” has, and I don’t think you’ll really want to if you didn’t like “Inside.” Frankly, it’s one of the most vicious and cringe inducing horror thrillers made in years, and the fact it wasn’t given even a limited theatrical release, fills me with a thousand frowns and dark sunsets. Having kids is tough. It’s financially trying, stressful, and traumatizing. Especially when there’s a psychotic unstoppable killer who wants to tear it out of your stomach. “Inside” is a vicious slasher flick from minute one where we meet Sarah who has just had a car crash pretty much almost killing her baby, and that’s only a small moment of the torture this unborn child experiences, when Sarah goes on vacation to mourn her dead husband.
The Devil's Music (2008)
I’ve been interested in much of what Jinx Media has supplied horror geeks over the last few years. Say what you want about independent horror movies, but there are studios out there trying for originality, and Jinx Media seems to be accomplishing it for the most part. First there was “Killer Killer,” which I found to be an utter blast, and now the UK based studio brings “The Devil’s Music.” Pat Higgins’ mock documentary, a film that will completely bring down audiences guards presuming to be one thing and then progressively transforms into a horror movie. Surely, it’s one of the finest indies of 2008, with production values that are immaculate. Everything from the mock concert performances, to the talk show interviews is shockingly genuine, and the story of Erika Spawn is even better.
Speed Racer (2008)
The Wachowskis aspire for something unusual and awfully contradictory with “Speed Racer.” They want an intentionally animated live action film, but a film that also looks as realistic as possible. They want a family film, but this is a film that may not be appealing to all children, and they want a story that simple but also quite complicated. Just when you think you’ve seen all of Spritle and his monkey, there’s an unusual tale about corporate corruption. Maybe it’s because of all the contradictions and hapless surrealism that I responded to “Speed Racer” with such enthusiasm. I know it won’t be for everyone, and it definitely has its own flaws present, but speaking as someone willing to meet the Wachowskis halfway, everything involving Speed and Racer X made for some interesting drama.