Today on BAD MOVIE MONDAY, Santa Jeremy is going to review one of the most dreaded of all Christmas films. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT! So put on the socks your grandma gave you and hold on tight! This may be a rough ride. Ho-Ho-Ho!!!
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Can a movie make a conscious effort to be bad and still have the same mystical magical qualities of an unintentionally bad movie? From my own personal experience, the answer to that question tends to be a loud resounding NO. The Sharknado series is a prime example of this. While the films may have their hearts in the right place, and everyone involved is doing their best, you just can’t fake the true spark of mad stupid inspiration. For example, imagine the difference between someone who’s pretending to trip down the stairs and someone actually tripping down the stairs. It doesn’t look the same. It doesn’t feel the same. It certainly doesn’t elicit the same response from an observer. If that’s too intellectual for you, let me put it another way: Trying to make a bad movie on purpose is like trying to take a crap when you don’t have to go. I mean, you’re gonna get a tiny little bit of shit, but it’s not going to be very impressive.
Which brings us to today’s review. A little movie called THE GREASY STRANGLER.
Did you know they made a Turkish Superman??? Oh yes they did! SUPERMEN DÖNÜYOR (The Return of Superman) is a 1979 superhero movie starring Tayfun Demir, Güngör Bayrak, Yildirim Gencer, and Esref Kolçak. It was directed Kunt Tulgar, and yes that name made me smile. This film is, in my opinion, the perfect palate cleanser to all that depressing negativity surrounding modern superhero movies. I may not personally be a big fan of the genre, but I hate seeing people fight, and so I wrote this as a way to bring something positive to the discussion. I had originally included a bit of a rant about how people who watch this sort of stuff should watch different kinds of movies, but you know what? You all do you. It’s not my place to tell you how to live your lives. Maybe I’ll write something about this later, but just enjoy this review for now.
It’s almost impossible to explain to the “kids” today what the short lived but intense fascination that studios had with 3D back in the eighties was all about. Because I was there at the time and I still don’t know what it was all about. If you’re not hip to eighties stuff, let me explain. Between 1981 and 1983 there were around a dozen movies shot in 3D. Among those released were: Coming at Ya, Parasite, Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn. Jaws 3D, Friday The 13th Part 3 in 3D, along with today’s film Amityville 3D. Truth be told, it all seemed like a pointless waste of money.
Watching each new entry in a long running franchise is kind of like eating a big bowl of delicious super spicy authentic Texas Chili. The first is awesome. The second is pretty darn good too. The third is when you start to feel like this might be a good time to stop. The fourth is a bit decadent. The fifth is just pure unadulterated gluttony. The sixth you have to nearly force down your throat out of sheer perversion and greed. The seventh makes you feel as if there is something broken and very goddamn wrong with you. Why can’t you stop eating you degenerate??? The EIGHTH though? That’s when you realize that you are a completely depraved lunatic who will need immediate medical attention because your butthole will not able to push out everything that you’ve just shoved into your body.
Halloween Resurrection is the eighth entry in the Halloween franchise, and that’s what we’re going to review today. It’s the cinematic equivalent of the third and fourth circles of Hell.
I’ve often mentioned that I don’t really like the horror comedy subgenre. My rationalization for this has always been that, since the horror cancels out the laughs and the jokes cancels out the scares, you end up with something that is both a lesser horror movie and a lesser comedy. However, I think I’ve started to change my mind about it, or at least I’ve started to change my mind about comedy’s place in a horror movie. Because, if I’m to be honest, a well-made horror comedy can be astoundingly great satire. Not to mention that I’ve also been a bit of a hypocrite about this opinion, because I’ve always loved Return of the Living Dead, Fright Night, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. All of which I feel are top notch films. So where does that leave me? Well… it leaves me reviewing today’s movie.
I was debating which movie to review this week. Normally, I always have a few titles floating merrily in the back of my mind. However, more often than not, I don’t write anything about them because they just don’t speak to me. They don’t stand out. A movie really needs to go that extra mile, and either be a lot better or a lot worse than I expected, in order to elicit a passionate need to discuss it in me. So I was in a bit of a pickle. I just couldn’t think of anything really worthwhile to review. Then, last week, my friend brought Clint Eastwood’s 1977 Cop Thriller THE GAUNTLET to Bad Movie Monday and I knew as soon as the end credits started rolling that this was the movie I was going to write about. Good God Almighty.