Ilsa is back. How and why? Who the hell knows, but she is, and she is now working for sheiks in the desert, and taking great pleasure in doing so. And she also hasn’t aged a bit since World War II. The delicious Dyanne Thorne also returns to the role she perfect in the former “She-Wolf of the SS,” and the dubious reclaiming of the character is entertaining. Ilsa now works for Arab sheiks overseeing their affairs in weapons and also, there’s the torture. What would an Ilsa movie be without the torture? One of the most ridiculous aspects of this sequel is that Ilsa is here, hasn’t aged a bit, and is untouched. This isn’t a different actress in a questionable sequel, and Ilsa is here in all her glory. Why is this so irritating?
Category Archives: Grindhouse Review Fest
Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)
Based on the actual Nazi Ilse Koch, “Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS,” takes the actual person Ilse Koch who tortured prisoners and collected skin from the prisoners who had tattoos, and turns it into a rather shameless exploitation film. Let’s be honest, this is mostly just pornography with a plot, and yet I was lost in its story. The actual Ilse Koch was a lowlife dog, a monster fit to be hanged and pelted with rocks. She was an inhuman jellyfish who took great pleasure in tormenting the poor prisoners, while this film is really just porn. And, I’m not begrudging it for that. This is a capsule of its time. Period.
Bad Reputation (2005)
Jim Hemphill’s immaculately directed “Bad Reputation” is half “Carrie” and half “I Spit on Your Grave,” it’s a teen thriller that I can finally get behind, and one that never swims in the kiddy pool. This is a hardcore revenge film, and I enjoyed it from the very beginning. It’s also one of the few rape revenge flicks that have come around in years, with an utterly compelling series of events that leads to unthinkable carnage, after an utterly disturbing rape sequence renders a young insecure girl a merciless monster. Hemphill definitely has his ducks in a row with a film that really brings the best of the revenge genre to the screen, without ever watering the atmosphere down to appeal to a younger audience.
Foxxy Madonna vs the Black Death (2007)
Why did I even long for a Grind House revival, when it was happening right under my nose? You may be surprised to hear this, but I can be a bit slow witted at times. Right now, there are about a hundred young directors creating movies, all of whom are just clamoring to re-invent the Grind House and exploitation genre, and they just don’t get enough of the credit that they deserve for accomplishing what Hollywood has tried so desperately to do. The proof in the pudding is this utterly fantastic production short from Cinephreak Pictures that aces every feeling and novelty you get from a Grind House film, with a touch of Blaxploitation for good measure.
Deep Throat (1972)
Doctor: Having a clitoris at the bottom of your throat is better than having no clitoris at all.
Linda: That’s easy for you to say! Imagine having your balls on your ears!
Doctor: Well… then I could hear myself cumming!
You know it, you love it, you pretend not to know what it is in front of certain company, it’s “Deep Throat,” a movie that’s become so utterly famous that it’s also helped to define the oral sex technique that’s like average fellatio, but amps it up a notch. I won’t sit here and explain the difference between regular blow jobs, and deep throating, because I know that you know what the actual difference is, no matter how much you deny it in the end. “Deep Throat,” much like “Debbie Does Dallas,” is one of the porn classics that really go beyond its genre. This is a film that’s become a staple of pop culture and really did shake everyone up to their boots for the simple fact that it was a huge hit. And for the fact that the success for the film was less about the film’s quality, and more on the gravitas it brought with it to seedy movie theaters. I mean what’s not to like about it? It’s only an hour long, features hardcore sex scenes, the late great Linda Lovelace, and has a title that pretty much describes the entire plot.
Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
What helps “Let’s Scare Jessica to Death” pave the way as a genuine horror film, is that it’s more content with examining the pure madness of the human mind than it does splashing blood on the walls. Which is not to say there isn’t blood, but the madness of the entire premise is perfectly exemplified thanks to the often desolate set pieces before us. The farm house in which our characters reside, the small town down the road, and even the lake, are all spots that are perfectly maddening and morbid to the story.
Debbie Does Dallas (1978)
Let me tell you, its tough reviewing one of the most famous porn movies ever made. Hell, its tough reviewing porn, period. How do you review a porno movie? I can’t really speak on the acting, because hell, it’s a porn movie, there aren’t Oscar winning performances. And the production quality is abysmal. So, how do I go about this, I ask myself. But you’re probably asking why I’m reviewing a porno movie. Well, it’s just because this over-opinionated asshole wanted to throw his three cents in on this classic film. You’ve all heard about it. You know about it, so I thought I’d just give you the lowdown. The reason “Debbie Does Dallas” is such a bonafide classic is simply because it has everything men and women like in a porno. The sex scenes are staged fantasies, the cast is comprised of cheerleaders, and our main character is hot. “Debbie Does Dallas” has a huge history in the film medium. For proof on that, check out “Debbie Does Dallas Uncovered,” and you’ll see what I mean. The reason why “Debbie Does Dallas” was big was because of Bambi Woods. People attribute the success of this film to many things, but I pin it on Bambi Woods. Woods isn’t (or wasn’t, if she’s actually dead) a fox in the strictest sense.